Or is it controlled chaos?
He left today. It wasn’t upsetting, sad, or maddening. It was a great relief. It came out of the blue, no that’s not true. It’s been in the wings for years now. I just don’t know it would be today. He’s at best a coward, so this U-Haul in the driveway while surprising isn’t unexpected. Our failure, yes OUR failure has come to an end. I welcome it. I stopped liking who he was so long ago.
Now it is the frustration of cleaning up the mess he left. Both physical and mental. His attempt to cause disruption and harm in his emotionally stunted mental state, will not be my last hurrah! I will burn for a moment, then I shall like others before me; rise again. If I may be exceedingly immature for but a moment, I do hope his pillow is always hot and musty. May his philandering bring karma to his door, and may his lies cause his tongue to swell and choke him upon his own words.
Now is a time for bravery and boldness. But first, let’s the brain dump and word vomit help clear these cobwebs.
Will this uncertainty ever come to an end? I once believed that by the time I had children, and they thusly had their own children; life would make sense. Now I am quite certain I was nothing more than a starry eyed dreamer. How I wish to be that young impossibly beautiful girl again. Life does seem to like a good laugh, so that isn’t likely to occur.
Over 50 and finding one’s self back at the beginning feels both impossible and exhilarating. I became so very lost for what feels like forever. Like most I have all the socials life and Lou Rawls internet offers, and yet there is such a terrible disconnect between myself and those around me. How do others become so sure in their footing; while so many of us seem to stumble along life’s path like frat boys at 3AM?
The universe does however seem to enjoy its call backs and has rung me like a nagging aunt.
I suppose it might be time for me to answer the call.
