Confused

It never fails to amaze me how many women feel that a woman’s only purpose is to procreate.  We are in an era of woman truly understanding and fighting for their rightful seat’s at the proverbial table, all while also embracing that we are not baby factories to be bred and be used like livestock.

We have grown accustomed to the moronic men whom believe that none-sense; but to hear the same rhetoric come out of other women’s mouths is truly sad.  How are we ever going to fully advance and beat back the patriarchy while other women are our own worst enemy?  We’ve seen the insanity at the voting booths, we’ve seen it online, and we’ve seen it within our own families.  What do the patriarchy loving women really gain from the men they cower too?  I’m honestly not seeing the benefit to their actions.

Coital Connection

 There are people in your life that pass through like breezes.  There are those who linger for a time and teach us something.  For better or for worse.  Then there are those who you connect with on a level that irrevocably alters who you are and how you both think and feel.

You may be with that person for a nighttime or a lifetime.  The effect is still the same.  Altered.  For.  Life.  

It’s easy to remember all the high points.  Those moments where you never thought you’d ever come back down to earth from the euphoria.  We did, we always do.  The euphoric free fall is the blessing and the curse.  The landing after it, can be utterly devastating.  

It’s why we hone in on the elation.  Paint the past with our rose colour glasses firmly in place, until life demands we see the full primordial reflection of our past.  Reminding us of the crater of destruction and devastation at the edge of our garden of Eden.

Persistence

 Persistence can be both a good and bad thing.  It really does depend on how it’s applied.  Today it was not a good thing.  The woman I work with is persistent in a manner that crosses over into obsessive control over things she has no knowledge of or actual control over.  It clearly crosses the lines into annoying attempts of micromanagement trying to make others do as she wants.  I do no play well with that type of personality.

I did manage to keep my composure all while wanting to throttle her.  

Some days you’re the hammer, sometimes your the nail. 

Exhaustion

 Working for a purpose or for their purpose?  It’s all blurred into a wind tunnel of walking dead for me.  Pushing past or through the pain and exhaustion has been a long time process.  It’s a process that I simply cannot do today.  

Today is a day of recovery and rest. Possibly some laundry; but mainly rest.  I’m annoyed that I have too. I feel like a failure. 

At least I’m not Brett Farve. 

Mothers Day 2021

 Good early morning Mother's Day to one and all momma's out there.  Be you momma's to flesh babies or momma's to fur babies; I see you.  

Mother's day can bring with it both the bitter and the sweet for many.  To the mother's whom have yet to hold their babies, be they unborn or still a glint in their eyes; I see you.  To the mother's whom have lost their mother, by whatever means; I see you.  To the mother's whom struggle with mental illness, doubt, frustration, or chronic illness; I see you.  To the momma's taking care of their own or another's mother whom can no longer take care of themselves; I see you.

To the momma's who's babies ad to leave this earth too soon, and who are having to hold them in their hearts instead of their arms; I see you.  To the momma's who gave their children to another, ensuring they had a better life; I see you.  To the momma's who are co-parenting, step-parenting, or are adoptive parents; I see you.  To the momma's with partners, without partners, or with multiple partners; I see you.  To the momma's wo's babies are covered in fur and will never leave home; I see you.

Being a momma is so much more than just giving birth.  It's a state of mind, a depth of caring that comes from deep within one's own soul.  It is my fondest wish that you each know and understand that each of your stories are valid.  

May love and light envelope you all, today and every day. 

Something New, Something Found, Something Green and Blue

Rescue is rewarding  Rescue is exciting.  Rescue is exhausting.  Rescue is sad.  Rescue is joyous.  Rescue is a blessing.  Rescue is a curse.  I maintain all these statements o be factual.  With rescue we take the bitter with the sweets, it is the way of life after all.  There are these moments where even little breakthroughs are so huge that your spirits fly high, and in the same tone you can feel as though you've come so far only to hit some unforeseen stumbling block that makes you feel as though you do nothing except fail.

Kong is starting to show a few "new" behaviours, that we must work on.  Now while they are new, too us; I am certain these are behaviour's that have been an issue in previous homes and developed out of his need to survive.  Like me he can be extremely dosil and just happy to be around most people.  Then there are moments where he's struggling to be kind to even his best friend.  I can narrow down the reactionary events, which is of the good.  Removing triggers and building tolerance is always of the good. 

For the past two years that Kong has been with us, he's never showed any signs of food aggression.  He has ample food, and chew toys.  we can all be around him and handle all those items without issue or concern.  Recently he's show a lacking in response when feeding on a bone.  He does not listen or follow commands.  So now I reexamine his reaction, behaviours and responses to those high valued food items.  Occasionally, like this morning I come across the unexpected bone in the backyard; a remnant from the raccoon's score next door.  At 3:00AM this was not a joyful happenstance.  

It's understandable that Kong didn't wish to relinquish the large T-Bone, but for his own safety, I cannot just allow him to eat everything and anything e finds.  He has allergies and a sensitive stomach so the payback is very real.  There will be puke.  

Oh Joy!

Wide Awake Now

I have a feeling that something big is just around the bend. Is it just my imagination or lack there of? Did we create a rift in the time space continuum relaying our emotions to the vast beyond? Or all we all just drunk on this thing called life?

There has been an unsettling feeling stirring within me for over a month now and it is the most uncomfortable place I've have been in a very long time. There was a time that I believed that my father was a God and faultless, I though my mother had all the answers, that my friends would always be my friends, my family would live within a block of each other, and that my grandparents would live forever.

I used to believe that bullies were just bullies, that cheerleaders were all flakes, that blonds should be stopped, and that the dark was a scary place to be without a candle. I use to think that being smart was unobtainable, that reading was not possible, and that the past could not hurt me. I use to think that I had a rock for a heart, and a trash bin for a soul.

I know better now.

I use to sit for hours on end just dreaming of how it was going to be and why it had to be the way it is. I find myself these days trying to remember what it *was* like and worry less about what is going to be. I use to believe that we are all black or white, good or bad, sinners or heaven sent... I now know that we are not... not black or white, not good or bad, not sinners or heaven sent. I now know that we are all just us, human, alive, and making our way through the metal jungle with at time the stealth moves of a stalking feline and other times with the clout of a sloth... and other times we are standing still not moving an inch, waiting…yes waiting for those that are not there yet, waiting for those that will walk with us a mile and share in our joys, sadness, tears, and triumphs.

I now see that a smile can cure a cut, and a kiss can make things better. I see that we are all part of a common ground, doing our best to remove the walls of clay that are no longer needed, replacing them with that grand old slamming screen door; and not once shouting “stop the slamming”. We swing it open wild and free, letting it slam against our soul's allowing the wind to carry the echo to those that have yet to find the front porch.

For those of you that are still waiting, I thank you. I see that porch light on, it has been a long trek, but your echo is guiding me well ensuring that my steps are rich and sure. I was lost in a fog for what seemed a lifetime, but that fog is lifting and I see the hand outstretched.
I was asleep for so long.

Jade 2003

I'm wide awake now.

How's that for rambling ?