Wide Awake Now

I have a feeling that something big is just around the bend. Is it just my imagination or lack there of? Did we create a rift in the time space continuum relaying our emotions to the vast beyond? Or all we all just drunk on this thing called life?

There has been an unsettling feeling stirring within me for over a month now and it is the most uncomfortable place I've have been in a very long time. There was a time that I believed that my father was a God and faultless, I though my mother had all the answers, that my friends would always be my friends, my family would live within a block of each other, and that my grandparents would live forever.

I used to believe that bullies were just bullies, that cheerleaders were all flakes, that blonds should be stopped, and that the dark was a scary place to be without a candle. I use to think that being smart was unobtainable, that reading was not possible, and that the past could not hurt me. I use to think that I had a rock for a heart, and a trash bin for a soul.

I know better now.

I use to sit for hours on end just dreaming of how it was going to be and why it had to be the way it is. I find myself these days trying to remember what it *was* like and worry less about what is going to be. I use to believe that we are all black or white, good or bad, sinners or heaven sent... I now know that we are not... not black or white, not good or bad, not sinners or heaven sent. I now know that we are all just us, human, alive, and making our way through the metal jungle with at time the stealth moves of a stalking feline and other times with the clout of a sloth... and other times we are standing still not moving an inch, waiting…yes waiting for those that are not there yet, waiting for those that will walk with us a mile and share in our joys, sadness, tears, and triumphs.

I now see that a smile can cure a cut, and a kiss can make things better. I see that we are all part of a common ground, doing our best to remove the walls of clay that are no longer needed, replacing them with that grand old slamming screen door; and not once shouting “stop the slamming”. We swing it open wild and free, letting it slam against our soul's allowing the wind to carry the echo to those that have yet to find the front porch.

For those of you that are still waiting, I thank you. I see that porch light on, it has been a long trek, but your echo is guiding me well ensuring that my steps are rich and sure. I was lost in a fog for what seemed a lifetime, but that fog is lifting and I see the hand outstretched.
I was asleep for so long.

Jade 2003

I'm wide awake now.

How's that for rambling ?