Sexy Back

Yesterday ended up being a really god day. Odd how that works. I was sure I’d have to go on some bloody rampage, but no. I’m glad to be honest; I was after all wearing these really cute shoes and those pants that just scream out, “good ass day ahead.” By the gods I love those pants. With work done I swung by home and picked up TMQ. Whimsy said she’d rather say home and just “chillax” and proceeded to do just that. That girl is so damn funny, and smart. She’s the breath of fresh air that makes my day’s worthwhile. TMQ and I went to…the mall. Blech. Loathe that place but he and I always end up there. He’s a teen so it’s excusable, for now. We searched for his cologne, Blue Jeans. Of course that was sold out so we ended up getting Versace Man, instead. Not sure I like the scent as much but he say’s its fine, and he’s a guy so it must be “fine.”

We weren’t able to find his football pants around here so it looks like we’ll be heading out of here early and check out Si Vous Play Sports in Pickering. They should have the pants he wants. It’s not a ‘must have’ situation but an extra pair would be helpful. I want to do that for him, and if it’ll help out Laconic then it’s fine with me. The man refuses to take child support from me! Know, I know, I wouldn’t take it from him either, not really. We were/are friends and if the kids need something whoever is able just get whatever item it is. Hell if Laconic needs anything them I’ll get it for him too. He does the same for me much to other’s amusement. People don’t get it, we really are friends. Best friends, we’re family, always will be. I guess I just don’t get that notion that because we were once together, and have children together that we are ‘supposed to’ hate one another. Why should it be like that? We love the kids, we love one another, and we’re just not in love with each other. Sure it might have been nice of us to recognize that before we had kids, but in the end it really worked out and I certainly don’t regret it.

In the end we have, between he, his wife and I, four kids that are amazing! They each have our best qualities and seem to have opted not to take on our lesser qualities. Pretty fantastic really. No, his wife and I are not all best-friendy and such, but she’s a good lady. I tend to annoy her, and I get that. There’s still an insecurity there for her that while silly, it's how she feels and it should be respected. I do my level best to ensure that I don’t do things to make that insecurity rear its ugly head, and over time I think she’s come to see that I certainly have no designs on her husband. To be honest that line of thought is, disturbing. I don’t believe in going backwards to something that you just know doesn’t work, that’s insane.

Oh and speaking of insane. Yeah this is my life… So to end a perfectly good week, I’ve had men in my bed. Let’s not forget they were gay, or asleep. I caught the eye of another man yesterday, once again gay, but he thought I was ‘adorable’ and he loved my ring. Yeah my feelings of being sexy are just jumping by leaps and bounds. *insert eye roll here* But hey there was this sort of attractive woman, in Costco, who checked out my ass… or maybe it was the jeans. They really are great jeans! Oh and I had a sexy dream… about Justin Timberlake. So who’s going to pay for my therapy? Sure he’s got a whole sensual thing going on that could really create some lusty thoughts but sweetjaysus there was really no call for dreaming about him naked, and doing that thing with his… Yeah those thoughts will lead to embarrassing moments and a seat on Dr. Phil. Gods I need to get laid, there just aren’t enough batteries left in the house and stealing the one from the kids gameboys is not working out now that they have those stupid rechargeable DS ones.

On a brighter note, I’ve lost 12 Lbs. Water weight really but I still say, “go me.” Warning head, female icky talk fellas. It’s weird, just before my monthly I retain water like the Hoover dam, I seriously, like clockwork gain upwards of 12 to 15 lbs! By the 8th day or so I’m slowly getting back down and feel a hell of a lot better, but let me just tell you for those 8 or so day’s I feel like the blob. Oh stop cringing men, if you were the ones with a period we’d hear all about it! It’s not like you guys don’t have PMS! You so do. Sure we’re the cause of it but that’s neither here nor there. It the fault that I work with women, all women that brings out this ‘honest gross talk.’ There’s little we’ve not discussed at work. It’s a women’s gym so yeah, there’s bloating, PMS, fellatio talk, stretch mark solutions (none of which have worked for me!), and the sore nipple chatter. Can’t forget those talks. See what you guys are missing out on. Now tell me the gods honest truth, fellas do you ever have those day’s when you just feel, less than fresh?

6:33 PM
TQM is back in the city now and let me just tell you how fast the drive can be made when you've got decent music and a smart assed kid!

Sex With My Coffee

So there I was jut rolling, rolling, rolling, out of bed this morning, and thunk onto the floor I went, groaning. Bloody Hell. I, ever so gracefully lever myself up using the side of the bed, and my teeth; eyes still half closed. To say lethargy pulled down upon my limbs like a ton and a half of bricks saddled around my neck and shoulders would have been a wild understatement. Kind of like saying Ann Coulter is a fuck wit, or George Bush Jr. is a child. I always thought gravity was against me; this particular morning my suspicions were confirmed in a blossoming clarity of blue, green, and purple upon my laurels. It was too cool, I was too warm, and I was too heavy, and my whole body was screaming for coffee in a way that would make even the entire band of Guns N Roses think twice before stepping between the mug and I. Stumbling around for a few I do indeed manage to find what I believe were my children’s sleeping forms. It could have been the dog or cats, or someone else entirely; but I’m going to go with the notion that it was indeed my children. Looking down at their peaceful sleeping figures, I debated poking them awake – just for my own pleasure, and to tell him I was going out. In the end I left off, and just got ready for work. Once completely ready I did a sort of nudging, jostling thing that works to get them awake enough to hear me but not awake enough to have them fully up and unable to go back to sleep. We did the quiet early morning ‘I love yous’ and I was off.

“Ohmygodsthecold…Sofuckingcold!” My brain screamed and reminded me of the warmth we had just left. If we stayed we could even make our own coffee, for free. Shuddering off the cold only served in the freezing morning air finding it’s way past my skin and into those pockets of warmth that are supposed to just be there at all times– it was ‘oh hell no’ o’clock, from my calculations – and I started the car and thought about the likelihood in which I’d have to run people over just to shut them up. Early morning cheeriness was something that was making me nauseous this morning, and my just shaved legs prickling all over with goose bumps were not helping the mood. I wanted, no, I needed coffee, and I need it now! Yeah it was that kind of moment. And okay so if I’m completely honest coffee and sex would have been even better but we all know how that friggin turned out. Little miss smiles-n-giggles handed me the beautiful massive mug of caffeinated mouth watering goodness, and the hunk behind me...kissed his wife, and I killed them all with just a thought. I sipped my coffee and finally smiled.

I have three clients coming in within the hour and yeah, they're all gonna pay for my morning. They know this, they pay for this, and well, yeah, yay me.

Mean Girls

I just read a fellow journalers post and couldn’t help but laugh. No wonder men think we’re all nuts. We kind of are.

Do I get what happened between the two women? Yeah, it's a pretty common thing. Most women will get the insanity in a way that doesn't seem so insane to us, but to the rest of the world/men yeah pretty nuts. Sorry guys, it's a vagina thing.

Ooh...

Its effect can only be duplicated if you drop your tone to that of something so soft it’s almost non existent and just breathe the letters… “Ooh.” That is what it’s like each and every moment I get to see him, and yet, never going to happen. The sad very realistic part of my life is the fact that I know beyond any shadow of doubt, my fantasies are always better than the reality.

Men In my Bed

I had men in my bed. That’s right not a man, men! So three of them were gay and one was asleep…Yeah I think that’s enough sharing for today. Blech.

Resting Wicked

Morning, afternoon, evening, whatever greeting fit. It’s morning here in the wonderful state/providence of nonconformity. It’s cooler than yesterday, but being only April and well the mere fact that on Easter it snowed, I can’t really complain. I want to get up and go but am doing my level best to let the stupid wound heal properly. That and I’ve not been able to gnaw through the chain yet. Kidding, sort of. Mum, aka: Hyacinth and her adoring hubby, The Golfing Biker, are hovering. Ok so GB is just kind of being his grumpy supportive guy self, and Hyacinth is hovering like a crazy woman. In an hours time I think she’s force fed me 8 cups of tea and half a loaf of dry toast. I know she’s concerned and trying to help. Still the dog is really getting full from all the toast and my sock drawer can’t take another slice.

Of course this is pretty much my own fault. I ate dairy after taking my meds and wow, won’t be forgetting those things don’t mix. Ever. The stomach cramps sent me to my damn knees. She’s just trying to be a good nurse, she’s failing miserably but we’ll give her and E for effort. I want coffee. I want coffee so bad I’m willing to stab her in the eye to make my point that I’ve had more than enough tea thankyouverymuch. This is what happens when you think, that taking over the house so that your parents; whom are no longer spring chickens; can retire and do all those things that they haven’t been able to do because they were always taking care of the kids. Namely my brother, three sisters, and I. What was I thinking? This trying to be the good, eldest daughter…sometimes it kind of blows. Other times it’s a hoot’n’a’half. Which incidentally is close to a hootenanny, but there’s a whole lot more hoot and just a touch of nanny.

The soon to be X emailed this morning. He’s in better spirits and I’ve got to say, he was quite kind. I think given time, we really could be friends. Time does heal many things, not all wounds of course; some are far too deep to ever truly heal. I keep hearing the, “you’re young dear, you’ll find love again” speech from well meaning people. I’m not sure who they are, or how they know I’m getting divorced, but they all seem really nice. The thing is I’m not ready for that, not yet. I’m not sure if I ever will be. I had always said that I would only ever marry once. Well I’ve traveled that road. I’m 33, 34 as of November, so sure I’m still young. The catch, is there one? I suppose there is. I have two children, their in the teens, I do not want to have any more. I can’t either. Snip, snip went those little tubes years ago, like in my 20’s. Are there that many men, around my age interested in never having children? Then again who say’s I’ll fall for some guy; I could find the woman of my dreams in the distant future. I’d be more than happy with that so long as it isn’t a fix up from my sister or her wife. They just don’t have the same taste in women that I do.

Grumble, Whoops, Grumble

Alright, I’ll admit it. I was wrong. I was so wrong that my wrongness was celebrated with a little victory dance. Yes, I love my children. I’d love it if my children would play in traffic for a few but yes, I do in fact love them. You see my little incident with the rusty nail yesterday afternoon….Well it turned out to be a bit more serious than I initially decided it would be. Sure to most a nail through the le is a big deal, but it really isn’t! Just ask the headless guy! So fine it hurt more, I gave in and went to the clinic; today. A tetanus shot, antibiotic shot, and a hefty prescription later and I’m just peachy. A little blood poisoning, pfft. You know, before I went into the damn doctors only my leg hurt.
Now my arse, hip, shoulder, and leg hurt. This curing business; yeah not so much fun for the patient. The doctor, he say’s he’s feeling perfectly fine. I almost kicked him. Nothing like showing a guy a little leg and having the first words out of his mouth be, “Oh now I don’t like the looks of that!” Of course Mr. Funny Man has to then poke the swollen, red, so obviously painful area and asks, “Does that hurt?” I of course being the smart arse that I am dryly reply, “only when I cough.”

So he poked me again and said, “cough!” Oh there was much mumbling and grumbling about smart assed doctors and their not so funny ways. His assistant while really cute, (chocolate brown hair, really dark eyes, nice rack, cute ass.) was way too happy to offer to help me out of my pants. Yeah so if I hadn’t have been in pain…Maybe I’ll go back with a slight cough one day. Actually both she and the doctor were really good looking. Freakishly so. I kind of looked around and felt like that singing ‘can you tell which thing just doesn’t belong.’ Alas before I could break into song my phone rang, it was for the doctor. My son’s father, whom knew I was there called and asked to speak to the doctor. So TC and Mr. Funny Doctor Man carry on a conversation while I sit on my arse and think about hitting on the assistant in return, cause really what else was there to do? The doctor hands me back my phone and is laughing his fool head off. The assistant shrugs and adds in so helpfully, “I think you broke him.” Me? I just really want to go home now.

I finally get the hell out of the loony bin and head home with the intent to maim and possibly abuse all those that bitched at me to go to the doctors. I didn’t get to do any of that though; there was still stuff to clean up in the back yard before I drove to Pickering. I did however whallop my son, with a bag of peat moss. I feel much better now. As it turned out is was an amazing day. It hit 22° C and the neighbors helped us clean up. We all sat around chatting and playing with the 4 dogs and just enjoying one another’s company. Oh and for those of you looking for the new Pokemon games, Diamond and Pearl; Zeller’s has them. $44.95 CDN each.

So how was your day?