Sex With My Coffee

So there I was jut rolling, rolling, rolling, out of bed this morning, and thunk onto the floor I went, groaning. Bloody Hell. I, ever so gracefully lever myself up using the side of the bed, and my teeth; eyes still half closed. To say lethargy pulled down upon my limbs like a ton and a half of bricks saddled around my neck and shoulders would have been a wild understatement. Kind of like saying Ann Coulter is a fuck wit, or George Bush Jr. is a child. I always thought gravity was against me; this particular morning my suspicions were confirmed in a blossoming clarity of blue, green, and purple upon my laurels. It was too cool, I was too warm, and I was too heavy, and my whole body was screaming for coffee in a way that would make even the entire band of Guns N Roses think twice before stepping between the mug and I. Stumbling around for a few I do indeed manage to find what I believe were my children’s sleeping forms. It could have been the dog or cats, or someone else entirely; but I’m going to go with the notion that it was indeed my children. Looking down at their peaceful sleeping figures, I debated poking them awake – just for my own pleasure, and to tell him I was going out. In the end I left off, and just got ready for work. Once completely ready I did a sort of nudging, jostling thing that works to get them awake enough to hear me but not awake enough to have them fully up and unable to go back to sleep. We did the quiet early morning ‘I love yous’ and I was off.

“Ohmygodsthecold…Sofuckingcold!” My brain screamed and reminded me of the warmth we had just left. If we stayed we could even make our own coffee, for free. Shuddering off the cold only served in the freezing morning air finding it’s way past my skin and into those pockets of warmth that are supposed to just be there at all times– it was ‘oh hell no’ o’clock, from my calculations – and I started the car and thought about the likelihood in which I’d have to run people over just to shut them up. Early morning cheeriness was something that was making me nauseous this morning, and my just shaved legs prickling all over with goose bumps were not helping the mood. I wanted, no, I needed coffee, and I need it now! Yeah it was that kind of moment. And okay so if I’m completely honest coffee and sex would have been even better but we all know how that friggin turned out. Little miss smiles-n-giggles handed me the beautiful massive mug of caffeinated mouth watering goodness, and the hunk behind me...kissed his wife, and I killed them all with just a thought. I sipped my coffee and finally smiled.

I have three clients coming in within the hour and yeah, they're all gonna pay for my morning. They know this, they pay for this, and well, yeah, yay me.