With Liberty And Justice For All

   One of the most difficult things to do is speak and think rationally when you seem to be surrounded by so much chaos, negativity, and violence.

  To say we are all created equal and have the same rights is a very basic and simple truth. To say that we are all treated equally, and afforded the same rights; is a gross understatement.

   No it is a lie.

   It was a lie that all lives matter, when my children's and my life was threatened by a man who hated us because of their skin colour and the audacity that we had to eat out together.

   It was a lie that all lives matter, when we had to pick and choose where our football games were played for the safety of our team members of colour.

   It was a lie that all lives mattered, when my boyfriend would drive me home back when I was pregnant with my 1st and we were stopped time and time again for no other reason than he was a man of colour and I was actually asked if I was there of my own free will.

   And yes it was a lie that all lives matter, when a man is shot in the back 7 times, while another faces the police with a rifle and is simply offered water and given thanks.

   Each of our experiences are going to be unique to us, both joyful and sorrow filled. It is a true blessing when in either of these times we have those we can turn to and share those moments. Our sorrows are lessened and our joys are sweetened in just knowing there is at least one person out there who understands how we feel.

   Imagine for a moment if you will, that your home is on fire. The firetrucks and crews show up and your neighbour begins to shout...”What about my house? My house is important too!!” Of course your neighbours home is just as important as yours, but their home is not on fire. It needs a paint job and the gutters should be cleaned soon, but it isn't on fire.

   This is why saying All Lives Matter, is problematic. When we/ I say Black Lives Matter, I am not discounting all other lives. I am not saying that only black lives matter. I am acknowledging that we as a human race need to stand together and demand that we are ALL treated equally, because black men, women, and children are being killed for no other reason than the colour of their skin. 

   Understanding what drives the BLM movement, what it means and how to support it, is essential. Yes all lives matter, but right now we do need to focus on the black lives for it is apparent that the judicial system isn't recognizing that all men were not only created equal, but must be treated equal.

  I say Black Lives Matter because “all” didn't cover Black when they said “All men are created equal.” 

   I say “Black Lives Matter” because “all” didn't cover Black when they said “With liberty and justice for all.” 

    I say “Black Lives Matter” because so many are still struggling with the definition of “all”. I say “Black Lives Matter” because I am a mother, a sister, a family member, a friend whom refuses to sit silent while understanding I do indeed live with white privileged and to ignore that would be a failure to all lives.

   It can and will be an uncomfortable experience for many. Especially if you're someone that hasn't taken the time to grapple with your own role in the systemic oppression that exists in our society. Take a good hard look at what you say and do.

   Do you post racist meme's, do you sit silent while other's use racist terms and/or phrases? Do you without thought go for the racial slur when having a disagreement with a person of colour or describing a person of colour? Have you foolishly uttered, “my children just don't like black people. My daughter/son thinks they look dirty?” Do you condemn or berate those who take a stand against bigotry and injustice be they rallying with united voices or simply taking a knee? Did or do you agree with Donald Trump that there were "Some very fine people..." in those red hats in Charlottesville. 

   Growth is uncomfortable. Expanding our critical thinking to encompass other's experiences and different views is difficult, but it is ever so important in this journey of life we all make.

   It is my sincere hope that all of your children come home safe. That you know peace, and love, and hope. That joy enters your life and takes up residence and that even in our differences we can all come together in kindness.

Forgiveness

I wasn’t always good at forgiving.  In time though as many of us learn, forgiveness is far more for ourselves than for the other person.

Forgetting, well that isn’t something as easily done.  I’m far more patient than I once was, I even believe in second chances....third... well that’s just pushing it.   So yes I will forgive, I will give second chances, I will do my very best to remain friendly even.  It’s probably why those whom think they know me and even dare to call us friends fail to realize it’s not my anger they should concern themselves with. It’s my silence.

You can be guaranteed that if I cut you off.  You handed me the scissors.

When I’m done, I am done.  There will be no going back and repairing anything. Disrespectful, boundary crossing behaviour will never go unnoticed, nor will it be accepted.

Might As Well...

 

Are there really checks and balances where life is concerned?  If I’m an ass every day for 50 years and then in my 51st save a bus load of kids from a flamey death are all my previous sins forgiven?   I just don’t see it working that way.  Can redemption really exist?  Can all actually be forgiven?

In Looking Back

 I remember when we first met. I remember when we first laid eyes upon one another. Hesitation, interest, intent, humor, and desire came together into a dance of unique intimacy. From silence to Bacchus like moments, dreams both secret and unrealized have come to light. A standard of authenticity, transparency, and communication are our ties that bind.

If this is to be our illness, may we never recover.

Part of communication is listening

 Children and lovers are two of the distinct groups of people that you can love with every fibre of your being, and systematically want to wipe off the face of the planet.  In many cases the causes are similar.  Listening and understanding are not being achieved.  The question is how do you then get through to someone either not willing, or not prepared to listen?  With children it's easy, we enforce rules.  With partners, unless you want to play the role of parent it's a little more complicated.

If your partner isn't willing to listen all you can do is decide what rules you are going to abide by.  Set them and hold true to yourself.  In doing so you also have to accept the consequences that go with your own rules.  Sometimes those consequences mean having to walk away.  Sometimes for good.  

Fare Thee Well 2019

While reflection is never a once a year event, the end of year is often a good time to take stock of both lessons learned to be certain; I however also like to delve into the good that occured over the year.  Not just in my personal life but the world over if you will.  I try to embrace that goodness and positivity and draw that hope forward with me into the new year.  For with the trials and tribulations that surround us in this world it can become far too easy to overlook or loose sight if you will; of all the good that reaches up through the darkness to remind us that humanity is not yet lost and that hope is always there whispering to us in a myriad of forms.

As this year comes to a close, if you're feeling a tad exhausted, know that you're not alone.  The world over we have all been busy.  Many days it has felt as if we aren't bullying one another online, we're shooting one another offline.  It is as though an unending barrage of summits, crises, and protests have dominated our news feeds and lives all the while the flat earth believers, climate crisis naysayers, and one large orange cheeto would have us believe it's all "fake news".  Wherever your belief system lays on the fake news front, there have been some notable event, both for the good and the bad.

In 2019 protesters in Hong Kong clashed with police, fire consumed an 850-year-old cathedral in Paris, the U.S. women’s soccer team won the World Cup as Megan kicked balls and President Donald Trump became the third president in U.S. history to be impeached.  Felicity Huffman reminded us yet again that fame isn't everything, and that an earned education is the only way to go.   China followed in Ozzy's footsteps and landed on the dark side of the moon.  Grumpy Cat died.  In August the earth's lungs coughed up smoke, and we tree huggers wept as the fires raged in the Amazon Basin.  While the smoke sadly didn't choke out Jair Bolsonaro, we could cheer on Jessica Meir and Christina Koch in October as they took "girl power" all the way to the moon for the first ever all-woman space walk.  The Donald made history as the first sitting U.S president to set foot in North Korea but let's be honest we were all more focused on Dennis The Worm Rodman.  He can get emotional.

The photo of the father and daughter from El Salvador who drowned trying to cross the Rio Grande in April symbolized a U.S. asylum process in crisis.  Tensions flared in the Persian Gulf, Macedonia changed it's name to North Macedonia, a white supremacist live-streamed his attack on a mosque in Christchurch, New Zealand, that left fifty-one people dead and yes facebook let the video stream for an hour.  Likes and follows still seem to plague us, while violence is acceptable so long as there aren't any women's naked nipples visible in the post.  Unfortunately breed bans still plague us and have attempted to extend to control over women's reproductive rights.  However women, old and young alike have come together; stood shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip to push back.  Reminding those foolish enough to test our willingness to set aside our differences and stand together.  May we know those women, may we raise those women, may we be those women.

 Our 93 year old Queen Elizabeth II may not be telling us what's in her little handbags but she did one up the Kardashians when she gave faux fur the thumbs up.  Opting to wear faux fur for any events where her warmth will be in question, it is a big long awaited step.  Swiss design graduate Luisa Kahlfeldt has designed an award-winning "Sumo" nappy, made entirely of a fabric composed of seaweed and eucalyptus.  The Gram got an unpaid lifeguard in Ingebjørg Blindheim who like many of us uses Instagram all the time—but not for the selfie game.  The 22-year-old monitors the hidden corners of the social media platform, currently keeping track of around 450 private Instagram accounts. When she feels someone may be close to taking their life, the 22-year-old Norwegian alerts emergency services.

Marsai Martin is 14, outstanding, and she's Hollywood's youngest executive film producer, period.  Missy Elliot made it into the songwriters hall of fame, the only woman rapper btw and it's about damn time. Youth-Led Climate Activism went Global: Johannesburg. Stuttgart. Manila. Seoul. Hundreds more worldwide.  Sparked into action by 16-year-old climate activist Greta Thurnberg, the youths around the world walked out of school in May in protest of climate change.  It made headlines and some grown men thump upon their hollow chests to taunt and bully Gretta and many others from behind their keyboards.  Hunky Jason Momoa stood tall and truly manly before the UN refusing to cower behind a keyboard attacking children, he also admitted that his favourite colour is pink.  Neither of which seemed to come under significant attack by keyboard warriors.

Lizzo Released Her First Album and Rocked a flute, while reminding us that living our dreams and reaching success may not be easy, but it can be damn inspiring.  In Toronto we changed the narrative, opening the first mosque for women.  Our Raptors apparently shocked the world by winning their first NBA championship; and We The North became a universal chant...or maybe that's just wishful thinking.  A freakishly wet spring pushes Lake Ontario water levels above those that closed the Toronto Islands in 2017.  Welcome to the new normal in climate change.  The National Inquiry into Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls releases its long-awaited findings and concludes what most Canadians already knew – that Canada continues to engage in “race-based genocide” against the country’s original inhabitants.  The only question left is: what’s Canada going to do about it?

While it's not all sunshine and daisies, fewer of us had a cow this year; embracing more plant based meals.  Those lovely humps (not lady lumps) are back up from only hundreds in the 80's to over 25,000 and Galapagos conservationists found a living member of a giant tortoise species previously thought to be extinct. An Auschwitz survivor celebrated her 104th birthday with 400 of her descendants, and I can't think of a better F.U to nazi's the world over. One circus swapped real animals for holographic ones. Roman McConn of Augusta, Georgia, who at 7 years old won ASPCA award for rescuing more than 1,300 dogs from high-kill shelters. Social worker Alan Naiman lived an incredibly frugal life. He was so frugal, in fact, that Naiman managed to amass a wealth of $11 million, which he promptly donated to children’s charities upon his death. The beautiful brain of biochemist Camille Schrier made a splash with her science experiment during the Miss Virginia competition that brought home the crown.

Whilst I was drinking wine and applauding that hot brainy crown wearing chick. Mera, the 45-pound Tibetan mastiff and Himalayan sheepdog mix completed a grueling hike up a Himalayan mountain with a group of climbers. The interesting thing was that the dog had seemingly come out of nowhere. Much like my second glass of wine. Go Mera! Gary Sinise and his foundation treated 1,000 kids of fallen military heroes to the trip of a lifetime as he had done each year since founded.

2019 reminded and retaught me of the importance of unconditional love, self acceptance, health is wealth, and to continue to strive for inner peace.  I've had my ups and downs with it all to be sure, yet hope springs eternal; as do the lessons I've not quite yet mastered.  Unlike others, I have not suffered the effects of empty nest syndrome.  I see my adult children growing stronger, bolder, and more independant in all of their choices and freedoms.  I can do nothing but applaud them in their actions.  Their resilience, strength, compassion, and drive often times rivals my own and I could not be happier for it.  It is what I have always desired for them.  Be better, do better, choose better than I.

This year I was also reminded of some good old adages:
01: Productivity before 9:00 AM is a game changer for me.
02: The right thing is easy to do when ego is removed from the equation.
03: Happiness is a choice.
04: Know your worth and understanding it.
05: Stop giving out discounts on your life.
06: Seek knowledge before you make your decisions, not after.
07: Not everyone will travel the entire mile with you.
08: Remove toxic people from your life.
09: Never give up your voice, or allow another to speak for you.
10: I can love you from afar, I can love you without liking who you are.
11: Say something kind, but make it truthful.
12: Communication is ever and always key.
13: Unplug from social media to gain better perspective.
14: Hear your opposition's point of view.
15: Know your core values and accept that morality is subjective.
16: Leave the planet a better place than when you entered it.
17: Put in an actual effort to be less of an asshole. (working on it)
18: Triage it.
19: Always rescue.
20: Find your passion, go after it with gusto.
21: Be brave enough to suck at something new.
22: Laugh.  Seriously, laugh often, loudly, and at yourself.
23: Reach out.
24: Look people in the eye.
25: Choose love.

So as we, or maybe just I walk into 2020 singing Better Life by Pink let's hold onto the good stuff and strive for so much more of it.

Adulthood

Do you remember when you were a kid, and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a skates for your birthday or if you'd get the most easter eggs during the hunt? Being an adult, it's totally overrated. I mean, seriously, don't be fooled by all the cute shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do.

Adulthood is responsibility.

Responsibility, it really does suck. Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. And if you're a parent, or a caregiver, holding another human's wellbeing in your hands... Hello! Talk about responsibility! Kind of makes bikes and chocolate eggs look really, really good, doesn't it? Somedays l wish l could go back and hold my children's hands again. The scariest part about responsibility? Is when you screw up and let it slip right through your fingers.