The Reality of Online Dating

I've heard both men and women equally lamenting that dating in this modern world exceptionally hard. Each had emailed those they were interested in, and no matter how witty or personally-interested or polite they were, some of the people didn't email back.  I will openly admit that I am just as guilty of this.  I do not however get upset when someone I have contacted doesn't respond to me at all.  I accept and understand that in the world of online dating that attraction plays a huge role.  If there isn't an ounce of attraction, then no matter how witty, charming, kind, or brilliant the person is; it just won't work. Now for those few occasions that I responded with a generic response of, "Thank you for your interest, I do not however believe we are a match."  There have been very few who took that response in a positive light.  8 out of 10 fired back an angry email, delving into what a shallow whore I was and that they weren't surprised I was single as I was far too ugly to be dating anyhow.  Now I see this for what it is an refuse to take any such responses personally.  In truth I find it mildly humorous, rather sad, and very enlightening.

 There are of course those that did strike up a correspondence, more often than not they drifted off. This is, in many people's estimation, proof that the average guy or girl just can't catch a break, or the "nice guys and girls always finish last" mentality.  It is, however my belief, merely proof that the average guy or girl, no matter how well intentioned doesn't understand that average isn't "You tell someone you like them, a beautiful romance with passion thus ensues."  Online dating is a lot of swings-and-misses, for damn near everyone. You're gonna have way more misses than swings - and if you can't handle that, you're going to end up a massive ball of frustration and resentment.  The dating scene is rife with people looking for connections and not finding them; people not checking their emails, people drifting off, people having a few exchanges that dribble away into nothingness.   Convincing yourself that there's someone "with all the right answers" as though they are the Babe Ruth of dating, pointing at the bleachers and hitting every home run, is just gonna sour you.  In truth, very few people get everyone they want, mainly because most people are angling just a bit out of their depths.  The moderately decent-looking guy is seeking someone a little hotter than he is, that hot girl is seeking not sex but an actual relationship.  Just as often still people are not completely honest about what they truly want. 

I'm not saying it's fun, nor am I saying it's all bad.  I hate it when I talk to someone and they seem cool and then the connection disappears for reasons I never quite get to understand.  Even as I know that I've done that to people, and it's rarely if ever malicious - I've got an exceptionally busy life and finding someone who can accept that and have the patience to fit in with it all is rare.  Sometimes I think, "Oh, that person was cool, whatever happened to them?" and I realize with a shock that oh, wait, I didn't respond.  And some people, well, the connection just isn't there.  There's only so many "hey there's" and "whats up's" or "You're hot we should hook up sometime" I can handle before I realize they're not carrying on their side of the conversation or showing me anything of great depth.  But my point is that online dating is frustration.  You put yourself out there, and you'll get more frogs than princes.  That's not because you're unworthy, or because you're below average - it's because that maddening lack of connection is the average, and what's making you miserable is believing that somehow you don't deserve this.   Nobody deserves it.  But most people are getting it on some level. So stop embracing the pity party, it's not that "you suck" or that "they all suck."  The fact of the matter is, dating and the vast unknow can suck.  It can however also be amazing.