Happy Anniversary-ish?

We did it! We made it. We're here.

I cannot recall for the life of me, anyone ever having a serious discussion about what marriage is like.  Of course there were the old hens nattering here and there about their husbands, but nary a one ever sat with me to say; "there will be good times, bad times, and times of sheer hell."  Then again marriage was never actually on my bucket list.  Nor were children for that matter.  Funny how things change.  We've each been married before, we both brought adult children into the mix, plus a bit of baggage here and there.  Now here we stand.  Still smiling, still laughing, still finding out new things, and still very much in love.  We haven't had the fairy tale romance I dreamt of as a little girl, nor have we had the Hollywood love affair I fantasized about as an adolescent. But you know what? I'm grateful for that.

What we have is real.  Even without all those papers, even without a start white gown, you and I have a real marriage.  It hasn't been perfect, and it hasn't been easy and, honestly, it hasn't always been pleasant.  But, still, I'm grateful.  Because life isn't perfect, and life isn't easy, and life isn't always pleasant.  And you and I?  We've built a life together.  A life we will continue to build upon, because our foundation isn't set upon falsehoods. 

Through ex's, sickness, family, vacations, deaths, health scares and literally every other high and low (and up and down) that one can go through...you've been there with me.  You've been my rock. You've been my anchor.  You've been my person.  Just as those vows say, you've been there for me in good times and in bad.  In sickness and in health.  You haven't left my side.

Marriage is hard, but also beautiful.  Marriage is hard because life is hard, but that doesn't make either any less beautiful. So here's my pledge to you: I'm going to stop concentrating on the hard, and I'm going to start concentrating on the beautiful.

I'm not going to worry so much about the pile of bills on the counter, the fridge that's more freezer than fridge, instead, I'm going to concentrate on the here and the now and the blessings.  Because we have so many blessings.  I'm going to concentrate on remembering to slow down and take time to quite literally smell the roses.  With any luck this summer it will be the roses we plant together.  I'm going to remember that life is short, and that tomorrow isn't guaranteed.

Chores can wait. Life won't.

Bitchy Betty Crocker

Good gods I need sleep. 

I spent all night baking and wandering between rooms.  Insomnia and trying to get rid of the gross feeling from being in a house filled with the aromas of decarbing cannabis.  I'm happy to have it all done now.  I like being able to make the edibles for my loved ones but it takes it toll to be sure of.  I'm pretty sure that out of the 2 and a half pounds of butter I made that I'll yield at least 2 and a quarter at least.  Cookies galore, so everyone will sleep better.

In the next few hours my fermented rice should be ready.  Let's see if the results are as good as last time.

Skinny Peanut Butter and Banana Muffins

2 bananas

1 cup peanut butter

2 tbsp honey

2 tbsp vanilla

1 tsp baking powder

Chocolate chips

toss all ingredients into the blender, except chocolate chips.  Blend.  Pour into muffin tin and top with chocolate chips.  I used 6 chips per muffin.  Bake at 400 for 8 mins.  (baking times will vary depending on altitude and ovens.)

DYI Dolly (With smaller boobs)

Cannabutter day.  I began decarboxylating the cannabis, I use a low and slow method, seems to work well for me.  Then the crockpot butter after 30 minutes rest time for the now decarbed herb.  I do 1 oz to 2.5 lbs of butter and 1 cup water.  There are as many ways to make it as there are people, so find what works for you.

**Caveat**  I do not eat, smoke, use cabbabis.  I make the edibles for those I love.  I cannot tell you what it tastes like, I can tell you that it all stinks.  I wear a mask and pray for it to all be over as soon as I start.  Yeah I'm an enigma.

So after that fun it was time to puke them do something for myself.  Fermented rice water was the goal.  It was accomplished.

Fermented Rice Water

1 cup rice washed

1 large mason jar (use what you have on hand.  Just make sure it seals)

strainer

water

essential oil (I use peppermint as it has its own benefits)
***Caveat***
If you have a mold allergy BE VERY CAREFUL

Place washed rice into jar, add whatever essential oil you prefer (or none)

top with water, seal jar or container and place on shelf or counter.

I wait 24 to 48 hours, for fermentation to really activate.  The longer you leave it 

the more "Aromatic" it will be.

Because I make mine fairly strong I am able to dilute it a bit with water before using it for my final rinse. I leave it on 30 minutes to overnight depending and then rinse it out of my hair before work.

  Fermented rice water hair rinse, due to its low pH and tons of nutrients, makes an excellent conditioner. It brings shine to your hair and helps to keep it strong and healthy.


Naturally fermented rice water contains a similar form of pitera that offers many of the same benefits. It helps to boost cell regeneration, keeping the skin bright and supple. Sourced correctly, rice waters and bran oils also contain linoleic acids, which are fatty acids that offer anti-inflammatory and moisturizing properties which help to keep skin soft and supple. Rice bran can also be refined and used as a gentle exfoliator. Not only does this sweep away dead skin cells, but the rich vitamins and minerals in the rice bran help to leave the skin brighter, softer, and more supple than many other exfoliating ingredients.

Half Empty

It's been coming for a while now, like too little butter spread over too much bread.  I want to wrap myself in warmth and security.  I simply cannot see that happening at the moment.  There have been times, don't misunderstand; at the moment however it feels as though I have to be the strong one.  The one with her shit together, the voice of reason, care, leadership, authority.  The adult.

I'm so tired.

I barely have enough in me to adult myself.  I. Am. That. Tired.  So how do I hold everyone elses shit together?  Fake it till I make it right?  Not always a possibility, so in those cases my shit just has to be set aside and focused on later.  Can we just stop the world?  I'd like to get off now.

Everyone likes to shout about self care, and I'll be the first to agree its damn important.  Normally I'd say just let the juggling balls drop.  Do the self care, and pick the mess up after.  These balls cannot be dropped, these aren't silly obsessive bullshit things.. These are mandatory, you need these to live balls I'm juggling.

So much to do, so many more miles to go before I can sleep.

DYI Rosewater

For the Homemade Rosewater: 
1: Remove petals from stems and run them under luke-warm water to remove any leftover residue.
2: Add petals to a large pot and top with enough distilled water to just cover (no more or you’ll dilute your rosewater).
3: Over medium-low heat bring the water to a simmer and cover.
4: Let simmer for 20-30 minutes or until petals have lost their color and are a pale pink.
5: Strain the mixture to separate the petals from the water.
6: Discard petals and place water in a glass jar to store.

Rosewater Toner:
1 Tbsp of rose water to 4 Tbsp water for face toner.


Using 7 rose stems makes around 1.5 litres of rosewater. This seems like a lot but it keeps for a long time in the fridge. Just store in a sealed, glass container until ready to use.

Repent it's Lent

The annual midnight Bourbon St. sweep brought the Carnival season to a close.  So ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  Yeah, it's Lent.  Y'all take it easy.  We made it through another one, New Orleans.

I do hope mes ami  that you got plenty to atone for.  Hope you all said a fond farewell to the flesh. 

It's the cycle, Crescent City. And we are startin' it again.

Might I wish a fond see you in my dreams to the Krewe's of Selene, Bacchus, Poseidon, Morpheus, Endymion, Zulu, Krewe du Vieux, of of course REX!


Rest up mon amis, for there are only 355 days until we feast again.

 

Fais Do-do tis Carnival!

Just one more day, one day until Lent.  So let's have it, the merriment before the penance, and the feast before the fast.  I'm gonna keep y'all company all the way down, even if not in person.  Hey, brothers and sisters, y'all know what "carnival" means in Latin?

 Well, this Firefly went to the good schools, so she can tell you all about it.  "Carnival.  Farewell to the flesh. "  That's what it means.

"Farewell to the flesh. "

 When the Catholic Church realised they couldn't rid us of our pagan ways, - They invited... - Jesus.

This explains a lot.

It has been suggested by some scholars that the pagan practice of “weeping for Tammuz” that Ezekiel decried (Ezekiel 8:14) was the actual origin of Lent. Tammuz was a pagan god associated with death and rebirth in nature and the husband of the goddess Ishtar.

Well today is the day, New Orleans.  lt's Mardi Gras. And time is already runnin' out.  When the clock strikes midnight, when good ol' Comus greets Rex, when the police on their horses come to sweep us out of the Quarter, it, mes amis, is histoire.

Lent starts tomorrow, mes amis, and me, l want somethin' tasty to give up.   That's right, it's Mardi Gras. lt's Fat Tuesday, and l am fat.  My belt is broken, my pants are open, my belly is a mountain of love stuffed with oysters.  And y'all know what tomorrow is.  Ash Wednesday.  Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  And you can keep the silverware, cos tonight l'm eatin' with my hands.

You better hurry before they get here. The men on their horses, sending us out of the streets and into our home to repent for all of our sinnin'.  Hours to go, hours till judgment.  So get drunk, get fatter, and get fucked.

 Yeah, you're right. l said it.  Y'all can trust the Firefly.


Laissez les bons temps rouler!

Face Your Fears

Many of the events and experiences we have in life can leave us feeling broken. We see brokenness on a personal and social level every day, and may ourselves feel fragmented and shattered. It seems unavoidable.

It’s not something we can control; perhaps the most important thing is how we respond to it.

For some of us our response is to build walls, metaphorically and literally, to try and shut out those things which threaten or disturb us. We see this often not only in our own daily lives, but in so many others in social media as well. We create barriers, turn away from one another, turn inwards, and live with fear. Often confronting our own brokenness is too painful, too disturbing, too much to handle, and rather than engaging with our own hurt we either lash out at others or shrink into ourselves.

Facing your fears, and yes they are fears.  Fear of disappointment, fear of shame, fear of hurt, fear of rejection, fear of loneliness, fear of being vulnerable and the list goes on.  However facing those fear is crucial to living a fuller happier life.  It does not always mean that we conquer said fears, some fears will always be there in the background, but they are manageable and we can still move forward. 

It's okay to open up and speak on your fears.  It's okay to speak to your brokenness. 

Soft Taco Friday

Dinner with our family tonight was something I was totally looking forward too.  It's been a rough week and the call to gather and laugh was in deep demand.  I'm worried about my Domina, this loss has been a hard hit for her, I want her to see and know in her heart that we can and will help her through this.

Tonight we laughed and allowed the sorrow we feel at Raven's loss, and all of the losses we've had over this year to fade; if only for a moment o allow a little light to seep in and warm us once more.