He let's me touch his beard

My new work husband is a viking.  Now safe to say that may just be a fantasy on  my part, but it's a workable fantasy so, go me!  Eric is loud, brash at times, dark humoured, hard working, rather smart, and a really bad manservant.  I've told him as much on a few occasions; much to HR's dismay.  Like most of those closest to me at work, we are an HR nightmare.  We make jokes we aren't supposed to, we blurt of things that would have the faint of heart seeking medical attention, and we make wholly without remorse or shame sexual comments on one another.

I happened to forget my lead hand was standing next to me, while making some inappropriate comments.  He's kind of forgettable.  My bad!  Eric was fixing my robot and getting dirty.  Seriously, a dirty viking with his tools in hand; right there in front of me and I'm not supposed to say anything?  Right.  It seemed perfectly fine to blurt out, "this could be far more enjoyable if Eric took his shirt off and flexed a bit."  While maybe saying things like, "I have just the tool you need."  I thought nothing off it, and Eric let out that dark laugh and winked.  My lead hand?  Well he turned an interesting shade of puce and began coughing heavily.  I think he has asthma and being near the weld cells is bad for him.  Or maybe, maybe it was me?  Hard to tell.

One of our more strict lead hands seems to take my harassment of Eric better than most.  I was mentioning that the company needs to do a far better job of hiring manservants.  Kroup shook his head and gave me the same look many parents give small daft children.  He attempted to correct me with, "Millwright, he is a millwright not a manservant."  Millwright, manservant...looks and sounds all the same to me.  I am still coming home to no dinner in the oven, no half naked man folding my clothes, and no foot rub.  Millwright, manservant, whatever it is this place is hiring; they're all slackers!

Kroup dropped his now shaking head while Eric dared comment that my cheque didn't clear.  So on top of hiring better manservants, I informed Kroup that we also needed a better class of peasant while scowling at said peasant, which sent Eric and the other manservant next to him into peels of laughter.  Kroup tried his best not to feed into my all too common bad behaviour, but lost the battle when Eric still laughing said "I can't tool your machine right now, but you can come sit on my tool box and stroke my beard."  I threw my arms up in the air and offered tribute like Jen in the hunger games.  Kroup looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I understand why the HR team chews antacids when you walk by." 


I mean I think that's what he said.  I couldn't hear much of anything while stroking Eric's beard.