My Mako

Anyone knowing or following me knows that I am a fierce advocate of rescue and rehabilitation of animals.  I loathe backyard breeders and animal abusers with an equal passion.  The devastation, broken trust, and harm they cause is beyond infuriating.  Mako was one such case.  She was my labour of love.  While we taught and showed her trust, respect, and how to be a good canine citizen, she taught us patience, acceptance, love, and just what it means to really start over from scratch.

Forever my girl.

It's been quoted a millions times over, however today it holds so very true:

  “How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep.”
 ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

We knew, we understood that this held especially true for Mako.  She gave us her all, and we loved her for it.  We gave her our all and she in turn loved us for it.  She knew how deeply we loved her.  Of that I am sure.  For as vicious as she could be, she wasn't like that with us.  Not after we had earned the right to be her pack.  What am an amazing and beautiful affirmation that was.  How precious and awe inspiring it was to me; I will forever be searching for the words to express.  In the six years that we actively worked at rehablitting Mako never once did we regret it.  We made progress by leaps and bounds, and then we have moments that seemed to take s back to the beginning.  She was our life and we were hers.

All that ended today at 3pm.  Sedatives and sedation made her less likely to attack those whom surrounded her.  We were there and we held her with each laboured breath.  What I wouldn't give to just snap my fingers and take away all those years of abuse before us.  What I wouldn't give to have her here grumbly and growly in my arms right now.  We kissed and hugged and held her.  She was afraid.  I cannot say she went gently into that good night, and I will forever be haunted by it.  It wasn't the way it should have been.  It wasn't what we wanted, it wasn't what she wanted.  It was however the right choice... The "right choice" still sits acidic on my tongue as I whisper and stand by my decision. 

Her pain ended, and took full residence within my soul.  It's mine to carry now.  I owe her that.  I owe it to her to never forget, never remain quiet, to never ever give up or in on my advocacy of animals or of those whom are unable to stand-up and speak for themselves.  I owe her that and so much more.  Today and for all my days, I will remember her just as she was.  Perfectly imperfect.  A beloved member of my pack and a permanent resident of my soul. 

Her eyes in those final moments, will haunt me forever. 

I will see you again Mako.  Over that bridge I know you wait for me, and I cannot wait to see you again.  I so love you for now, and for always.  I am broken hearted by your absence in my life.