With Liberty And Justice For All

   One of the most difficult things to do is speak and think rationally when you seem to be surrounded by so much chaos, negativity, and violence.

  To say we are all created equal and have the same rights is a very basic and simple truth. To say that we are all treated equally, and afforded the same rights; is a gross understatement.

   No it is a lie.

   It was a lie that all lives matter, when my children's and my life was threatened by a man who hated us because of their skin colour and the audacity that we had to eat out together.

   It was a lie that all lives matter, when we had to pick and choose where our football games were played for the safety of our team members of colour.

   It was a lie that all lives mattered, when my boyfriend would drive me home back when I was pregnant with my 1st and we were stopped time and time again for no other reason than he was a man of colour and I was actually asked if I was there of my own free will.

   And yes it was a lie that all lives matter, when a man is shot in the back 7 times, while another faces the police with a rifle and is simply offered water and given thanks.

   Each of our experiences are going to be unique to us, both joyful and sorrow filled. It is a true blessing when in either of these times we have those we can turn to and share those moments. Our sorrows are lessened and our joys are sweetened in just knowing there is at least one person out there who understands how we feel.

   Imagine for a moment if you will, that your home is on fire. The firetrucks and crews show up and your neighbour begins to shout...”What about my house? My house is important too!!” Of course your neighbours home is just as important as yours, but their home is not on fire. It needs a paint job and the gutters should be cleaned soon, but it isn't on fire.

   This is why saying All Lives Matter, is problematic. When we/ I say Black Lives Matter, I am not discounting all other lives. I am not saying that only black lives matter. I am acknowledging that we as a human race need to stand together and demand that we are ALL treated equally, because black men, women, and children are being killed for no other reason than the colour of their skin. 

   Understanding what drives the BLM movement, what it means and how to support it, is essential. Yes all lives matter, but right now we do need to focus on the black lives for it is apparent that the judicial system isn't recognizing that all men were not only created equal, but must be treated equal.

  I say Black Lives Matter because “all” didn't cover Black when they said “All men are created equal.” 

   I say “Black Lives Matter” because “all” didn't cover Black when they said “With liberty and justice for all.” 

    I say “Black Lives Matter” because so many are still struggling with the definition of “all”. I say “Black Lives Matter” because I am a mother, a sister, a family member, a friend whom refuses to sit silent while understanding I do indeed live with white privileged and to ignore that would be a failure to all lives.

   It can and will be an uncomfortable experience for many. Especially if you're someone that hasn't taken the time to grapple with your own role in the systemic oppression that exists in our society. Take a good hard look at what you say and do.

   Do you post racist meme's, do you sit silent while other's use racist terms and/or phrases? Do you without thought go for the racial slur when having a disagreement with a person of colour or describing a person of colour? Have you foolishly uttered, “my children just don't like black people. My daughter/son thinks they look dirty?” Do you condemn or berate those who take a stand against bigotry and injustice be they rallying with united voices or simply taking a knee? Did or do you agree with Donald Trump that there were "Some very fine people..." in those red hats in Charlottesville. 

   Growth is uncomfortable. Expanding our critical thinking to encompass other's experiences and different views is difficult, but it is ever so important in this journey of life we all make.

   It is my sincere hope that all of your children come home safe. That you know peace, and love, and hope. That joy enters your life and takes up residence and that even in our differences we can all come together in kindness.

Forgiveness

I wasn’t always good at forgiving.  In time though as many of us learn, forgiveness is far more for ourselves than for the other person.

Forgetting, well that isn’t something as easily done.  I’m far more patient than I once was, I even believe in second chances....third... well that’s just pushing it.   So yes I will forgive, I will give second chances, I will do my very best to remain friendly even.  It’s probably why those whom think they know me and even dare to call us friends fail to realize it’s not my anger they should concern themselves with. It’s my silence.

You can be guaranteed that if I cut you off.  You handed me the scissors.

When I’m done, I am done.  There will be no going back and repairing anything. Disrespectful, boundary crossing behaviour will never go unnoticed, nor will it be accepted.

Might As Well...

 

Are there really checks and balances where life is concerned?  If I’m an ass every day for 50 years and then in my 51st save a bus load of kids from a flamey death are all my previous sins forgiven?   I just don’t see it working that way.  Can redemption really exist?  Can all actually be forgiven?

In Looking Back

 I remember when we first met. I remember when we first laid eyes upon one another. Hesitation, interest, intent, humor, and desire came together into a dance of unique intimacy. From silence to Bacchus like moments, dreams both secret and unrealized have come to light. A standard of authenticity, transparency, and communication are our ties that bind.

If this is to be our illness, may we never recover.

Part of communication is listening

 Children and lovers are two of the distinct groups of people that you can love with every fibre of your being, and systematically want to wipe off the face of the planet.  In many cases the causes are similar.  Listening and understanding are not being achieved.  The question is how do you then get through to someone either not willing, or not prepared to listen?  With children it's easy, we enforce rules.  With partners, unless you want to play the role of parent it's a little more complicated.

If your partner isn't willing to listen all you can do is decide what rules you are going to abide by.  Set them and hold true to yourself.  In doing so you also have to accept the consequences that go with your own rules.  Sometimes those consequences mean having to walk away.  Sometimes for good.