Birthday Wishes

My main bish, Teaesme is another year older today.  For 24 years I've had the distinct honour of watching her grow and become the woman she is today.  From that tiny human that I brought home, to first words, steps, bumps, bruises, tears, and laughter; to the milestones of graduation, and first jobs, heartbreaks, moves, and more.  I couldn't have dreamed up a kinder, more compassionate human being if I had tried.  Each day I hear her laughter and endless taunting jokes I am reminded that while my son is my heart that beats outside of my body; Mattea is my soul rendered visual.

Happy birthday sweetheart, no words can express the love and pride I have for you.

Capture This

If you press you temple and your taint at the same time, you can screen capture your soul.

True story bro.

My soul seems to require a tad bit of attention.

Disinfecting the Past

Way back when I had more children than the sky has clouds.  I remember thinking that no matter how hard I tried my house was never clean.  Between animals and the shit-ton of diapers I was dealing with daily; my house always smelled like urine, vomit, stinky feet, and sour milk.  Mixed with bleach and other essential oils, and an incense burner or two because I'm classy like that.

Brothers and Sisters

GQ and Tea always got along quite well when GQ bowed to Tea's every demand and abrupt mood swing's.  She was 3 and was essentially getting even for the crap her brother pulled on her when she was smaller.

One evening, GQ was quietly playing with his wooden train that my uncle made for him.  It really was a work of art.  Tea had discerned that he was far to quiet and peaceful, thus she busted into his room like the Kool Aid man and insisted on playing too.

GQ: “I’m playing by myself right now, Tea Tea.”
Tea: “But I want to play with you.”
GQ: “I know but I don’t want to play with YOU.”
Tea:...The look she gave him was just this side of "I'll slap a bitch"
GQ: “Will you please go now?”
Tea: “Poo Face, YOU go- I’m playing.”

I’d love to have the ballsy conviction of my three year old.

Hustle Harder

You can knock the person but never the hustle.  If you can use what you got to get what you want, I respect the game.  Sex appeal sells.  Intelligence and aesthetics is a deadly commodity.

 Never underestimate it.

My Soul Rendered Visual

Time passes, and those of us who have good lives are grateful that it doesn't know how to look back. 24 years ago I met a little girl who won me over with a look and a coo. I didn't know it when I met her, that she would win me over with her caring and inquisitive nature. Together we have fought monsters and villains and won. We've had adventures, and still have many more wonders to explore.

I am thankful for you, Teaesme. Happy birthday!

Life is good, let's continue to make it better!

Ego vs Ego

“Are they the one” has to be one of my favourite sayings.  I've seen way to many people, both men and women invest so much of themselves and of their time into people who at face value were so obviously not "the one".  Of course there is also a sick and twisted personal amount of humorous enjoyment for me watching people in my own family play this game as well.  It comes down to placing high maintenance, good looking people in a room and watching their ego's let loose.  There will always be that type of drama when and where it’s ego vs ego because they're all so used to getting what they want.

The Nerve

Our Smoochable just told me to “leave this driveway” because I’m “getting on her last nerve.”  I had a few errands to run and a few extra groceries I wanted to get but I cancelled that shit to park my ass home and stay all up in her face for the rest of the day.

 I’m not above being spiteful and petty with an attitudinal three year old who doesn’t even pay the rent or offer me foot rubs and was just picking her nose and noshing on those boogers.  Little shit trying to tell me I’m being annoying.

 Hell to the nawz.

She ‘bout to learn who run this mother.

 Her Glama!

Crown drops charges against St Catherines Vet

It can seem that the system is broken when a legal technicality takes precedence over the safety of living, sentient beings. Even in light of overwhelming evidence.

I'm sad, very sad over this.

Self Worth

If they want to leave you, open the door and let em go.  Some people will never know your worth until they see you with someone else.  The most important bit of knowledge is knowing your own worth.  I feel bad for some people.  Having self worth and class seems to be a lost gift.  I am forever grateful I’ve never chased and I’ve only dated those of quality.

Holy Eyebrows

In my not so humble opinion, it’s important to let people, this includes our children to express their individuality through makeup and/or clothing choices without judgment or ridicule.  As I've always stated, 'if the worst thing my children do is come home with a hairstyle I don't like, how lucky a parent I will be."

So I need y’all to know I do not condone the fucked up, hyper-exaggerated penciled on sperm wiggling across her face eyebrows one of my dear friends is currently experimenting with. My silence should not be interpreted as approval, got it?  I mean, it’s a goddamn mess but it’s HER goddamn mess.

 DO NOT THINK I’M DOWN WITH THIS LEVEL OF FUCKERY.

No Rest For The Wicked

On the rare occasion that I am actually able to have a nap before work, I do not wake up refreshed or invigorated.  Point of fact, I tend to wake up all asholey and fighty.  That's right, if you're gonna make me nap, best be sure you are ready for the slumbering bitch to come alive and eat your soul.

Sexy Skeletons

It's almost that time of year again; where the ghosts, goblins, and ghouls come out to play.  Which also means that the retail stores are all up in my grill trying to sell me a ton of teeth rotting candy and a fuck-ton of plastic bullshit that'll break before the veil thins completely.  I do however still have a great deal of fun with all the crap while I'm in he stores.

The children like to read me the riot act and say I can be embarrassing this time of year, all because of that one-ish time I set up two skeleton's to make it look like they were fornicating in the Halloween section at Walmart. These are the very same children who would then ask me to take them to Taco Bell because they had coupons. However the tip of the proverbial iceberg was when they told me to change the radio station and turn the volume down so that my “ridiculous music” wouldn't harm their bleeding eardrums any longer. 

 Exactly just WHO IS THE ADULT HERE? I guess I’ll go ahead and schedule their blood pressure and colonoscopy tests and find a local bocci ball team accepting new members.