Free Fall With Me

Things I may not say directly to you, whispered in moments of grace and awe. Revealed between the unclear lines. You worry needlessly, hold on too tightly when all you need do is let yourself go. Free Fall with me, dance along the edge and space between time. Become  the my poems, prose and lyrical existence. Second guess nothing, embrace what you already know.

The Kingdom of Neverwhere....

Enter my kingdom; Enchantingly wild but a bit cultivated, castles and mansions with many rooms sit atop green hills and hide between clefts of mountains. Crystalline streams and icy waterfalls leap and play, tossing mists and rainbow sparkles in the clean, cool air. Carpets of wildflowers, honeysuckle and wild berries riot over the meadows and low stone fences wander the hillsides.

And what goes on in this kingdom? What takes place in the mysterious mansions, awe-inspiring castles and charming cottages? Every sort of wonder, desire, foolish, depraved, excessive, and decadent wonder that may catch one's fancy. What might you catch me doing on a mid summer's eve in the fast fading twilight of a sun streaked day? Why, I could be between two trees, glistening with sweat, the remains of a light dress nestled at my feet engrossed within the pages of some old tome.....or perhaps one would stumble upon a shamelessly wanton lass passionately lost in all the nuances of hedonistic pleasure.

My world, My rules.

Less Important than You Think

Delusional, disproportionate, funny, sometimes quite sad, and  really far less important than you seem to think. I've never been impressed by a penis.  They may be different colours and sizes, and yes sometimes slight shape differences; but f you've seen one, you really have seen them all.  Yes I feel the same way about breasts too. Unless they're somehow horribly disfigured. in which case, I am sorry for your perceived pain.

This is what I've learnt, over the years. Guys are the ones who care about giant cocks.

Not women, guys.

Especially the straight ones. If I had a dollar for every picture of a penis I was sent with the askance of, "do you like it?" Oh the dog rescue site I would have! Maybe I should charge to rate penises? Too subjective perhaps. I certainly know what I like, and I know my silly prejudices attached to what I've coined as "Holy flying penises" to label the vast amount of dick pics hitting my inbox and just as rapidly hitting my trash bin.

I find sensuality, intelligence, wit, charm, kindness, and confidence sexy. The ability to hold an actual conversation; priceless. My first thought when a dick pic hits my inbox is, "so his dick is his whole world." As such he must be shallow, insecure, needy, and have mommy issues up the ass. Who has time for that? This might be an unfair amount of judgement, I however will stand by it. Experience is a fantastic teacher.

I understand porn's fascination with giant members because it's a visual medium and, let's face it, a dumb one. Giant cock is the quickest shorthand for virility. Big muscles = big strength, so why shouldn't big penis = tremendous power to satisfy? Men primarily, with the exception of some...loose women. Tend to be the ones who think a penis needs to be big to be satisfying. As stated, there are a few size queens out there, but as a rule women are way less picky about size as long as the owner of said penis learns to use it correctly. That's actually the heart of the problem - men assume that more penis automatically means more satisfaction, when in fact it has very little to do with it. I've known more than one woman who's been initially delighted to discover that she's with a larger man, only to realize to her disappointment that he thinks that all he has to do is be large.

I think the reason straight guys like enormous penises, apart from the whole bigger = better, more powerful and more potent thing, is that it's an easy answer the unanswerable question: what do women want? The real answer is too hard. Women want you to be independent but emotionally available. They want you to be attached but not smothering. They want time and attention, and also some time alone. They want you to grow and change with them. They want you to be all kinds of things, and it's going to be a different list for every woman, and that list is always subject to change without notice. For some men, and many of our regular porn addicts, I think, fall into this category, the answer is that women want you to change that glaring personality flaw and learn to talk to them like a human being. Maybe they want you to take a damned shower.

Next.

While you were wasting your time being productive ...

A mystery was solved for me this past week, thanks to TheFace.  I was forced to listen to Led Zeppelin in seventh grade. Yes it was all thanks to a boy. A boy I thought was super cute, hence the listening as though my young ears were not screaming out for it all to end. Since then, I have always been a little confused as to who this "back door man" character really is.

In my innocence, I thought it was just a man who had a home like mine. Where there was no walk way to the front door, thus he just had to enter in through the back. Yes it was cute how literal my mind was way back then. Then, as I grew older and became the sexually aware woman that I am today, I thought it was a euphemism for anal sex, or being gay.

Now, I know that a back door man is someone you're not supposed to sleep with. He has to sneak in. Through the back door. Literally. Or else he can't be considered a back door man. A bedroom window man, perhaps? A sneak away to a seedy motel man maybe, but before I digress into babble mode...

Which raises a few questions for me. I live in a basement apartment, my door is the back door. If I leave my door unlocked, would I get my very own back door man? If I put a sign on the front door reading,"Back door found in the back of the house", would I increase my chances of getting my own back door man? Should I leave out some milk and cookies? Or are all the enter in to my home, be they partners or not; by proxy backdoor men?

I think I need sleep.

Bathe in your humanity

The very room where we stood silenced and shocked almost exploded with the weight of our electric magnitude. We spend our entire lives seeking what we once knew.. through addiction, through isolation, through our attachments, through our actions. We know a pleasure beyond our greatest wish exists and mistakenly use human tools to recover this piece. Our entire lives seem dedicated to this search. The suffering comes from linear thinking that we can use earthly devices to replace this need. If you reach deep enough you will find the faith to wait. The simplest thing to do is your hardest test. Bathe in your humanity and allow love to find you.

Techknowledgey

A.I. machines to follow you around and track where you go. There to turn on your lights, set your alarms, run your home and life....

We've all seen Terminator, iRobot, Resident Evil and those scenarios turned out so well.

The human race is doomed.

Bring It On 2016!

I'm ready.

I’m proud to call myself a woman who’s far more than the sum of her parts, or the trials, tribulations, or successes I've faced.  I rarely fit the  mold other's or even that which society often places before or upon me.  The stressful nature of the life I’ve been blessed with allows me to understand, empathize and help others in a variety of ways, though most notably and often times by simply stating those things which they tend to overlook within themselves. My my liquidesque nature allows me, to understand them even when I'm nothing like them.

Judgement from other's while accepted is vastly ignored. It won’t be the first time I’ve heard- “you’re foolish!”, or “that’s insane”. That’s life. I’m a woman, with flaws and passions I choose not to label or run away from. Who am I? That's a good question. Not sure I have the complete answer to that yet.  Though I am a mother to two amazing adult biological children, a slew of other kids whom have chosen to call me "momma", 2 crazy dogs, a slew of fosters, 2 cats, and 1 spoiled fish. I’ve been a business owner, a cheerleader, an advocate, a rescuer, a wife once upon a time, a daughter, a sister, a joker, a lover, a cheater, a mistress, a random blogger, a friend, a bitch, and so many other labels that din't actually fit on a box or in some snappy headline.

As a wife I withered to a nonexistence that left me longing to run wild and free.  As a sister, daughter, granddaughter, and auntie, I've learn I do best at loving them from afar. As a best friend, I am always there in heart if not in person, and those who've suck with me through thick and thin know beyond any shadow of doubt that my loyalty knows no bounds. I’m a decent cook, baker, and pastry chef. I’m a housekeeper, with a hose that always needs cleaning. I’m an accountant. I’m a secretary. I’m a social planner. I’m an avid walker, and solitary witch. The list goes on and on much like my hips and ass…
The best and worst part about wearing so many different titles, is that I don’t always need or get a break. I just need to shift titles and adjust the hat to the adventure. I realize now, the reason why I was given this multi-rolled life. Being the fiery Sagittarius that I am, I’m a firefly. A light in the darkness for some, a siren song to others. I smirk in the face of adversity. I’m unable to do anything in extreme because I’m always being pulled in 2 opposing directions. My house is what you might call a frat-house, meets dog kennel. I have organized stacks throughout- whether it be laundry, movies, purses, leashes, or paperwork I’m attempting to clear up.

I live my life with passion. There is no in-between with me. It drives many crazy and thus they need to take me in small doses. I'm very okay with that. I accept and judge everyone on the bases of their own merits. I've lusted after one man for 20+ years and know it will never be anything more than that, it makes me smile. I remember my first passionate kiss 28 years ago and have always measured each kiss there after by that standard. I don’t have the luxury of a vacations, or day spas. I don’t have the luxury of time off. It isn't other's idea of freedom, but it forces me learn, stretch, and grow each day.

Even more beautiful is the clarity this gives me in seeing that I have so much to be thankful for. Even though I am alone, and while I can be lonely from time to time; I can just as easily feel completely alone when surrounded by a room full of people. Yet there are those moments. Those moments of perfect togetherness. Clarity that encase me like a soothing balm reminding me that I don’t need to be in control of everything, but self control is always something I strive for. Living a life of passion does require a reality check from time to time after all. To just breath.

Each challenge that I face, and each fire that I put out, be it of my own creation or created by others, I have this army of self empowered advocating women whom a simply a text away. Plus I have porn. Life will continue to set me up with many more challenges and growth opportunities. Some I will face alone and other's I will have no choice but to reach out to my amazing social Amazons. I am so privilege to have such a vast and unique network of fantastic humans I'm able to share my journey with.

I hope you’re all still with me!  Because I say, bring it on.