Character

Integrity is doing the right thing behind close doors when no one else is watching. Never be impressed by the title, money and the clout but by the humility, integrity and kindness of ones character.

Keeping It Classy

There's nothing like feeling like your insides are going to explode with emotion.  The tightness in your chest, the prickling behind your eyes.  The bile rising in the back of your throat.  Now add to all that, your environment.  You are smack dab in the middle of work.  Oh there's just nothing more classy than crying at work.  That awesome moment when you just cannot hold the tears at bay any longer and yet the earth will not open up and just swallow you whole like you wished it would.

Yes.  Classy, indeed.

So there I was.  Just chock full of emotion and unable to bear the burden of it any longer.  I certainly wish that it had been somewhere that was, well else.  However it was not.  The straw that broke the camels proverbial back was in hind-sight pretty insignificant.  A simple FB comment on my husbands page.  It wasn't anything I wasn't fully aware of, nothing I hadn't politely chuckled at many, many times before.  It was just one more of those annoying little tid-bits that has piled up this week, well in truth over the last year.

From time to time, I feel as though I am surrounded by my husbands ex girlfriends.  The air becomes rank with them in one shape fashion or form, and it becomes tiring.  We all have exes.  I'm not even jealous in the slightest of them; nor do I doubt my husbands loyalty.  Not even for a second.  I just get tired of having to hear about the exploits.  I live in the here and now, my exes are just that.  My past, they are the ones who didn't make the cut.  No they are not all bad people, in fact most of them are fantastic people.  People I do consider friends.  But that is where I draw the line.  I don't speak on, or share my past sexual experiences.  To do so I feel would be utterly disrespectful to my husband and what we are building.  Should one of my exes try to joke about or share those private moments I would have no trouble saying, "you're being disrespectful, and I won't have it."

I don't feel the same is true.  Not where my feelings are concerned.  Though in introspection, I also feel that it is my smile and nod attitude that has also allowed it.  I try to take it all in stride.  We all share things from our own experiences, our reference points.  I don't happen to have the same experiences that he has had.  Some similar and yet so many vastly different.  Add to those facts that we live next door to one of his exes, the other tends to pop up with her drama out of the blue, and there are a good 5 or 6 that seem to pop in and out of his messenger.  He see's friendships and what I read them wanting is attention and more. 

I can go for a while where none of it bothers me at all, and then out of the blue I feel as though I'm in an unending loop of disrespect.  It hurts so deeply for  time, and then I seem to kick myself in the ass and decide to not spend any more time on my own pity-party of one!  I'll get there in another moment or two.  For the moment I require the cathartic joy of allowing my brain to barf upon this page and embrace the lightness that for me comes when I just get it out.

     

Sectarian

As the circle closes and we (I) weed out those that are, not friends I feel a sense of calm.  Brief though the moments are, I realize who was actual friend and who was not.  There were far too many whom smiled when things were going their way.  When gifts and wine flowed freely.  Now that the gifts and freebies have stopped, so have the smiles and kind words.  I much prefer this.  Honesty in all it's harsh glory is far better than false friendships. 

I like the quiet life.  There's a calm that is actually coming.  I know it may take time, but peace will also follow.

I Don't Post Well With Others

Things posted in the buy and sell:

Yep it’s pool season. Don’t be a twat and leave others to take care of your kids, it’s your job. Okay reminder for the stupid whom need reminding ... then again they probably shouldn’t have kids if they need that reminder. #truthhurts

 Second issue as I already posted on the original post... why is this listed in the buy and sell? The kid isn’t / shouldn’t be for sale (there are laws against that kinda thing) and there are no images of the pool so that can’t be for sale either.

 This might have been the “try to be more understanding/compassionate/kind” thing my husband was mentioning to me last night.

 I tried honey! But this shit just writes itself.

Now is this a sad event.  Of course it is.  99% of kids getting hurt is sad/scary for those that it effects.  I say effects as this does not affect me.  I do not know the child or family, he is okay, and noting about what happened to him changes anything in my life.  Does that make me cold and heartless?  That's up to individual opinion.  If what I post, think, or feel effects you intensely; you might want to look into that.

Of course people not embracing reality, realism, or having  a critical thinking brain got all kinds of mad.

 

As we can see the general consensus is that I am indeed a heartless, unfeeling bitch whom doesn't deserve to show my face. (Lest someone try and harm me as the implication stands.)  Once again these are opinions and I don't argue there validity.  What I did question is why such a thing is posted on a buy and sell page.  As it was posted on a buy and sell page with option to comment, I chose to comment.  Yes I take full responsibility in my choice to comment; knowing that most if not all would be angry.  I also chose to question the parents of the victim.  As the child is the victim not the adults here.

So let's all take a look at this on the whole of the original post.  A family and their kids are invited to a get together where there's a pool.  The pool is open to full use by those invited.  It is not stated if the home owners listed that kid caregiving is the sole responsibility of the parents, nor is it listed if there was a lifeguard on duty to monitor those in the pool. I can only assume from the original post wherein the mother states that the other adults in the pool, unlike she whom was not in the pool with her child, all must have thought he was playing as even she had when she looked in on him.  She also states that none of the other adults questioned his swimming abilities.

Now in the brief overview from a lengthy post, I see a number of issues with the parents decisions.  Not the child's or the other adults, and thus my taking issue and making a very dark humor joke about the post.  

1- Pool party/BBQ/Gathering of people.  Food, fun, possibly drinking.  You as the parent sit down to socialize, drink, eat, mind other children while neglecting to speak up or note to anyone in the pool that your kid cannot swim?  You also neglect to ask anyone in the pool if they can watch your child while you do XYZ... 

2- You now post all over FB that you just want to warn others to take care of their kind when around a pool.  (This is common knowledge as is your child being your responsibility.)  Those that are unaware of when they are supposed to take responsibility for their children, in my opinion should not have them in their care.

3- I take responsibility for what is mine to be responsible for.  Kids, dogs, cats, car, rent, work ethic, and yes the thoughts I choose to allow past my lips in a verbal display.  Unlike most others both those that posted, and those that commented I do not blame others for my own choices.  I am not sad, or angry at those whom chose to think horribly of me.  I am not seeing sympathy or even agreement.  I did hold others accountable for their choices, and therein lays the rub.  How dare I?  That's just cold and callous!   Personal accountability is a great and terrible thing.  Especially when someone else holds us to it.

These are just my thoughts.  Go have a few of your own. 

     

Sloth

sloth
 /slôTH,slōTH/

noun

1. reluctance to work or make an effort; laziness. "he should overcome his natural sloth and complacency" synonyms: laziness, idleness, indolence, slothfulness, inactivity, inertia, sluggishness, apathy, accidie, listlessness, lassitude, passivity, lethargy, languor, torpidity, slowness, heaviness, dullness, shiftlessness

This could not be more, me. today.  I've not on ounce of energy or gumption to do anything.  Seriously, if the house catches fire, just get my fur babies out.  Let me sleep and if I survive it's meant to be.  That is how mentally, physically, emotionally tired I am.  I cannot even get around to making a note to give a single fuck.  I don't even wan rum or vodka.  I'm just too tired.

I Sometimes Get Diarrhea Of The Brain

So yeah it’s been a hotlanta minute. Had a happy break and missing it already... I’m fairly disillusioned with humanity. Yes The Pirate and I had an actual conversation about me trying harder to care about people, or at least make an effort to try. In general I don’t. I see so many amazing humans that I actually want to see succeed and be happy and have goodness in their lives (which is why there are like less than 20 of you on my friends list or that I respond too. I see you and your compassion, your desire to do good. Thank you for that. ). The rest of humanity... I don’t hate. I honestly don’t feel anything for. Like your lives just don’t matter. I see your self entitled insanity and I just.... can’t. You lot are fucking exhausting.

So many amazing advancements In this world and none of them in the departments of humanity, compassion, betterment of the planet. We’re still trying to decide if racist behaviour, gender bias, human rights violations, homophobia, and animal cruelty are bad?

Seriously? It takes everything I am not to just stand and scream nonstop in an unending loop. We no longer know what is bad?

Ok morality is subjective. It is. No I don’t need your god or your advice. I need to continue allowing you to be you, me to be me; and if you try to hurt (mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually) me, mine, or the environment and those beautiful creatures in it I’ll shift my focus to you... and you won’t like it.

Don’t ask my opinion if you can’t handle it. I will not nod and smile in the face of idiocy not even if your family. For if good men do nothing, ‘‘tis evil enough.

I remember coming into FB not to yell at Markzucker Zuckerberg about freeing the nipple and being so damn gender biased that I want to puke.

I remember coming online to connect and catch up with people I don’t get to see too often and this is way cheaper than that long distance phone call.

I never once needed to check with FB on how to properly supervise my very active children, or if I should or shouldn’t vaccinate them. Those calls were up to me and not to be discussed with anyone but my health care provider. I didn’t require a status check on if it was too hot for my dogs to be in a car or that I shouldn’t feed them onions or chocolate. I didn’t have to hear about how I should spend my money, time, or energy. Or what/who I should or shouldn’t put into my Body as the decision was mine alone.

Never once needed to creep someone else’s posts. If I wanted to know how they felt I asked them. Good, bad, indifferent. Didn’t matter because it was how they felt and at the end of the day they’re entirely entitled to their feelings in the moment they are felt.

Never needed to have to block someone. I told them we weren’t friends and that was it. We went our separate ways and lived our lives and didn’t put on wigs or pretend to have different names or addresses to slink around and see what one another was up too.

I didn’t require going to my instagram or FB DMs to see a penis or 10; or to receive a compliment. If you have to private message a compliment... even if that comment Is “wow you are stunningly beautiful “ so as not to offend someone’s partner ... there’s something wrong.

I can happily say Mark, Jayne , Mist , John , Jess , Josie, Eve, Gill , Joey , Janice , Alison , Teri you’re beautiful, handsome amazing people and not for a second have to private message such as they and my awesome husband Scottie understands that it’s a compliment. And there’s nothing wrong with a genuine compliment. I appreciate the positive energy and compassion these people put out into the universe. I love that during some of my negative moments these beautiful souls show me there is goodness and light still out there even if I can’t see it in that moment.

I’ve tightened my circle greatly. Placing my energy where it is best served. My dogs are both nuts and the new one might end up being hairless ... he’s a hot mess with more issues than there are clouds... you know because “free to good home” is never free. The cat is a complete asshole but she’s our asshole and we love her.

My son is still my heart that beats outside of my body and my daughter is still my soul rendered visual. My ex and his family are still/always amazing fantastic people whom I love with all my heart. You all aided me in bring these fantastic kids into the world and even after or breakup you all held a place for me in your lives. That speaks volumes.

I hope your Saturday is filled with laughter and light. I’m going to feed to dogs and enjoy my farting oaf stink up the bathroom as I shower. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Up Too Long Unsupervised

Growing out ones hair is a tedious and frustrating task.  While attempting to will my top length to speed up it's growth, the sides and back were looking shaggy.  Overall I was beginning to look more and more tragically broke emo, and less sassy urban chic.  Hence while awake too long, and totally unsupervised I whipped out those clippers and undercut this shaggy bob I'm rocking while my hair decides if it'll grow or just remain in this tragically hip state of mind.