Not Really Strangers.

How terribly sad is it that you spend so much time with one person, getting to know all of their quirks, fears, likes, loves, and dislikes. You almost know them as well as you know yourself and in turn if you're being true to each of you. You allow them to learn all of those same qualities within you. You spend all of this time getting to know everything about them, and then one day nothing. You have to go back to being complete strangers. You can pass one another on the street, still knowing so many intimate details about them but you have to act like they're a total stranger.

Don't Settle

You know what’s worse than bad? Adequate. If something’s bad, you avoid it. If it’s adequate, it’s good enough. Bad things don’t hold you back from finding something great; adequate things do.

Some Never Will Be

Pain happens for a reason. It changes you into who you’re supposed to be, and shows you whose actually there for you. Some people will surprise you, for the good and the bad. Don't get angry with them should they show you who they are. They're simply being who they are. Learn whatever lesson you're meant to learn and keep going.

Dancing Backwards in Platform Sneakers

From today's mailbag:
Evan asks: "I've been lurking in the shadows of your blog for quite some time now. I followed a link of yours here from that other site ;)  I know that you have quite a few tattoos and piercings.  Are there any tattoo's or piercings you regret getting, and do you have; or would you ever get a couples tattoo?"
Hello Evan,

   Welcome and thanks for the follow over.  Now as for my varied tattoo's and piercings. As you know I have many. I at one time had many more piercings, alas practicality required me to remove a few.  My tattoo's all mean something to me. None were done on a whim, although I have had some covered up with new/better done pieces. With that being said I don't actually regret any of my tattoo's or piercings. Each one was right for me in the moment and time I had them done.  My nose piercing which I no longer have is one I'd like to have redone but I've held off doing. I loved it, but apparently in my sleep  kept pulling the damn thing out and there are only so many times one can search the bedding and carpet for the missing stud before accepting it's a lost cause.

   Now as for couples tattoos. Well now that a mixed bag. I long to have a partner I can get the cutesy "couples tattoo" with, alas I've apparently not met the one I can do so with. I think that it's really a personal choice kind of thing. My only advice to anyone thinking of doing so s this: Don't do the name thing. I really can't stress this enough. Find an image, create an image that means something to you both and go with that. Even the best marriages and relationships can unrecoverable times. I certainly can't nor will I speak for others, but having to see an ex's name on my partner isn't a turn on. Plus I don't find it personal enough. I really like something far more symbolic and well thought out. That being said I do have a tattoo I got so very long ago that is representative of a relationship I had and meant and still means a great deal to me. No one looking at it would have any idea it's representative of another person, it only means something to he and I.

Choose something as unique to you as a snowflake is to the world.

I hope this helps :)

Snowflakes

In Love With Love

Interviewer: So what would you say is your biggest weakness?

Me: I am in love with the notion of being in love! As such, I romanticize people to the point that I put them on a pedestal that, while not impossible to act in accordance with, is not a realistic measure of that person’s moral or ethical inclinations. This romanticized view of the person before me tends to lead to a short, intense period of infatuation mistaken for love, which ends abruptly and painfully when this person does something that does not live up to the standards I've set in place not for them, but for the person I've constructed them to be in my head. Morals and standards that I hold very dear too. While this was once followed by a long period of self-doubt, self-hatred, and an unshakeable insecurity about all my other relationships. I have come to recognize the cycle and while at times I do everything I can to avoid it, other times I embrace its passionate whirlwind. Knowing and accepting that the reality of the situation will change and thus look for nothing more within the other than I myself am willing to give.

Be wise

The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really kind. And being thoughtful. And being generous. And being really smart. Everything else is background noise. I promise you. It’s just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less. So don’t buy it. Be smart. Be thoughtful. Be generous.

Humankind.

Be both.

I choose me

Most of my life has been spent trying to silence myself. Trying to become softer. Quieter. Less out there. Less opinionated. Less demanding. Less me. Because I didn’t want to intimidate other. I didn't want to make them uncomfortable. I didn't want to challenge them to change who they were. So I changed to accommodate their needs. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. For years, I put others first.

But I’m tired of diminishing my inner light, and I’m done shying away. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to makes others comfortable. I am a worthwhile human being. Other people's views of who I am, do not hold value over who I know I am. I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. With or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and embrace my truth. Even if it makes people uncomfortable. Even if it makes them angry. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse not to shine. I choose to own my space. I choose to honour my soul. I choose to give myself permission to have my needs met. I choose to makeself  a priority.

I choose me.

Like Your Reflection

Don’t place great expectations upon others. Invest your feelings into people, without expecting them to feel or do the same. Always give room for hope, but let thing occur in time. Don't rush. Never let anyone into your life so quickly that they do not appreciate what you have to offer. Mind your own business. Mind your own health.

Always embrace growth. Grow both physically and mentally. If you cannot change your circumstances, as many cannot immediately. Change your outlook. Appreciate your struggle. Be grateful on the stuff you already have. Work on those things. Perfect those things. Don’t add unnecessary stress to your life, or to others. Focus on being your authentic self.

Make love.

Daily.

Pondering

Human relationships are strange. I mean, you are with one person a while, eating and sleeping and living with them, loving them, talking to them, going places together, and then it stops
—  Charles Bukowski

 He wants. I want. We're not sure if those wants can mesh at this time. My gut tells me, it will be over before it begins. I will not fall, not even a chance.

I'm a girl

It is a frightening thought, that in one fraction of a moment you can fall in the kind of love that takes a lifetime to get over.

I don’t know how to describe myself exactly, but for as liberated as I am; I don’t like random hook ups. I’m a joker, but moreover I'm a lover and just can’t do the whole one night stand thing, and feel good about it. I also don’t like clubs/parties, I prefer drinks, laughter and just chilling with friends or doing something else that doesn’t involve obnoxious people yelling in my ear because the background noise is so damn loud. My idea of a perfect date is just getting dinner, go to the movies, grab dessert and then go back home and watch shows and cuddle. I also like to work out. Yes, I can be a lazy ass but once I’m in the gym I go hard. I'm the girl with the brain and sex drive of a guy, who wants to be cuddled and made to feel safe.

Exhaust Me

It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit any longer.  

I've not been able to get into the gym for a few weeks and it's killing me. Possibly literally. It also makes me a little grumpy. For me, personally the gym isn't just about getting fit physically. It's about being healthy all round. When I've pushed myself to my limits, exhausted every fiber of my being, mentally and physically I am at my best. Building blocks.

It truly is a beautiful thing.

Even Dancing Ninja's Stumble

It's okay JLaw, I didn't even have the excuse of wearing a big flouncy dress.

Catlike super human ninja skills failed me last night as I came down the stairs. A coughing fit combined with an absence seizure, brought back the reality of my all to human qualities. My butt, back, shoulder, forearm, and legs met the edge of the hardwood stairs with equal and unsettling force. It was a fine moment of grace, beauty, and sheer willpower to stay conscious. Today I move rather slowly, and the excess padding upon my posterior lets me know that even excess padding cannot replace non slip soles. Or happenstance. Standing is a great option today. Not moving at all is a better option still.

Where's Sheldon to sing me "Soft kitty" when I need him?