Fare Thee Well 2019

While reflection is never a once a year event, the end of year is often a good time to take stock of both lessons learned to be certain; I however also like to delve into the good that occured over the year.  Not just in my personal life but the world over if you will.  I try to embrace that goodness and positivity and draw that hope forward with me into the new year.  For with the trials and tribulations that surround us in this world it can become far too easy to overlook or loose sight if you will; of all the good that reaches up through the darkness to remind us that humanity is not yet lost and that hope is always there whispering to us in a myriad of forms.

As this year comes to a close, if you're feeling a tad exhausted, know that you're not alone.  The world over we have all been busy.  Many days it has felt as if we aren't bullying one another online, we're shooting one another offline.  It is as though an unending barrage of summits, crises, and protests have dominated our news feeds and lives all the while the flat earth believers, climate crisis naysayers, and one large orange cheeto would have us believe it's all "fake news".  Wherever your belief system lays on the fake news front, there have been some notable event, both for the good and the bad.

In 2019 protesters in Hong Kong clashed with police, fire consumed an 850-year-old cathedral in Paris, the U.S. women’s soccer team won the World Cup as Megan kicked balls and President Donald Trump became the third president in U.S. history to be impeached.  Felicity Huffman reminded us yet again that fame isn't everything, and that an earned education is the only way to go.   China followed in Ozzy's footsteps and landed on the dark side of the moon.  Grumpy Cat died.  In August the earth's lungs coughed up smoke, and we tree huggers wept as the fires raged in the Amazon Basin.  While the smoke sadly didn't choke out Jair Bolsonaro, we could cheer on Jessica Meir and Christina Koch in October as they took "girl power" all the way to the moon for the first ever all-woman space walk.  The Donald made history as the first sitting U.S president to set foot in North Korea but let's be honest we were all more focused on Dennis The Worm Rodman.  He can get emotional.

The photo of the father and daughter from El Salvador who drowned trying to cross the Rio Grande in April symbolized a U.S. asylum process in crisis.  Tensions flared in the Persian Gulf, Macedonia changed it's name to North Macedonia, a white supremacist live-streamed his attack on a mosque in Christchurch, New Zealand, that left fifty-one people dead and yes facebook let the video stream for an hour.  Likes and follows still seem to plague us, while violence is acceptable so long as there aren't any women's naked nipples visible in the post.  Unfortunately breed bans still plague us and have attempted to extend to control over women's reproductive rights.  However women, old and young alike have come together; stood shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip to push back.  Reminding those foolish enough to test our willingness to set aside our differences and stand together.  May we know those women, may we raise those women, may we be those women.

 Our 93 year old Queen Elizabeth II may not be telling us what's in her little handbags but she did one up the Kardashians when she gave faux fur the thumbs up.  Opting to wear faux fur for any events where her warmth will be in question, it is a big long awaited step.  Swiss design graduate Luisa Kahlfeldt has designed an award-winning "Sumo" nappy, made entirely of a fabric composed of seaweed and eucalyptus.  The Gram got an unpaid lifeguard in Ingebjørg Blindheim who like many of us uses Instagram all the time—but not for the selfie game.  The 22-year-old monitors the hidden corners of the social media platform, currently keeping track of around 450 private Instagram accounts. When she feels someone may be close to taking their life, the 22-year-old Norwegian alerts emergency services.

Marsai Martin is 14, outstanding, and she's Hollywood's youngest executive film producer, period.  Missy Elliot made it into the songwriters hall of fame, the only woman rapper btw and it's about damn time. Youth-Led Climate Activism went Global: Johannesburg. Stuttgart. Manila. Seoul. Hundreds more worldwide.  Sparked into action by 16-year-old climate activist Greta Thurnberg, the youths around the world walked out of school in May in protest of climate change.  It made headlines and some grown men thump upon their hollow chests to taunt and bully Gretta and many others from behind their keyboards.  Hunky Jason Momoa stood tall and truly manly before the UN refusing to cower behind a keyboard attacking children, he also admitted that his favourite colour is pink.  Neither of which seemed to come under significant attack by keyboard warriors.

Lizzo Released Her First Album and Rocked a flute, while reminding us that living our dreams and reaching success may not be easy, but it can be damn inspiring.  In Toronto we changed the narrative, opening the first mosque for women.  Our Raptors apparently shocked the world by winning their first NBA championship; and We The North became a universal chant...or maybe that's just wishful thinking.  A freakishly wet spring pushes Lake Ontario water levels above those that closed the Toronto Islands in 2017.  Welcome to the new normal in climate change.  The National Inquiry into Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls releases its long-awaited findings and concludes what most Canadians already knew – that Canada continues to engage in “race-based genocide” against the country’s original inhabitants.  The only question left is: what’s Canada going to do about it?

While it's not all sunshine and daisies, fewer of us had a cow this year; embracing more plant based meals.  Those lovely humps (not lady lumps) are back up from only hundreds in the 80's to over 25,000 and Galapagos conservationists found a living member of a giant tortoise species previously thought to be extinct. An Auschwitz survivor celebrated her 104th birthday with 400 of her descendants, and I can't think of a better F.U to nazi's the world over. One circus swapped real animals for holographic ones. Roman McConn of Augusta, Georgia, who at 7 years old won ASPCA award for rescuing more than 1,300 dogs from high-kill shelters. Social worker Alan Naiman lived an incredibly frugal life. He was so frugal, in fact, that Naiman managed to amass a wealth of $11 million, which he promptly donated to children’s charities upon his death. The beautiful brain of biochemist Camille Schrier made a splash with her science experiment during the Miss Virginia competition that brought home the crown.

Whilst I was drinking wine and applauding that hot brainy crown wearing chick. Mera, the 45-pound Tibetan mastiff and Himalayan sheepdog mix completed a grueling hike up a Himalayan mountain with a group of climbers. The interesting thing was that the dog had seemingly come out of nowhere. Much like my second glass of wine. Go Mera! Gary Sinise and his foundation treated 1,000 kids of fallen military heroes to the trip of a lifetime as he had done each year since founded.

2019 reminded and retaught me of the importance of unconditional love, self acceptance, health is wealth, and to continue to strive for inner peace.  I've had my ups and downs with it all to be sure, yet hope springs eternal; as do the lessons I've not quite yet mastered.  Unlike others, I have not suffered the effects of empty nest syndrome.  I see my adult children growing stronger, bolder, and more independant in all of their choices and freedoms.  I can do nothing but applaud them in their actions.  Their resilience, strength, compassion, and drive often times rivals my own and I could not be happier for it.  It is what I have always desired for them.  Be better, do better, choose better than I.

This year I was also reminded of some good old adages:
01: Productivity before 9:00 AM is a game changer for me.
02: The right thing is easy to do when ego is removed from the equation.
03: Happiness is a choice.
04: Know your worth and understanding it.
05: Stop giving out discounts on your life.
06: Seek knowledge before you make your decisions, not after.
07: Not everyone will travel the entire mile with you.
08: Remove toxic people from your life.
09: Never give up your voice, or allow another to speak for you.
10: I can love you from afar, I can love you without liking who you are.
11: Say something kind, but make it truthful.
12: Communication is ever and always key.
13: Unplug from social media to gain better perspective.
14: Hear your opposition's point of view.
15: Know your core values and accept that morality is subjective.
16: Leave the planet a better place than when you entered it.
17: Put in an actual effort to be less of an asshole. (working on it)
18: Triage it.
19: Always rescue.
20: Find your passion, go after it with gusto.
21: Be brave enough to suck at something new.
22: Laugh.  Seriously, laugh often, loudly, and at yourself.
23: Reach out.
24: Look people in the eye.
25: Choose love.

So as we, or maybe just I walk into 2020 singing Better Life by Pink let's hold onto the good stuff and strive for so much more of it.

Adulthood

Do you remember when you were a kid, and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a skates for your birthday or if you'd get the most easter eggs during the hunt? Being an adult, it's totally overrated. I mean, seriously, don't be fooled by all the cute shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do.

Adulthood is responsibility.

Responsibility, it really does suck. Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. And if you're a parent, or a caregiver, holding another human's wellbeing in your hands... Hello! Talk about responsibility! Kind of makes bikes and chocolate eggs look really, really good, doesn't it? Somedays l wish l could go back and hold my children's hands again. The scariest part about responsibility? Is when you screw up and let it slip right through your fingers.

Lines

What is it about lines?

It's all about lines. The finish line at the end of the day. Waiting in line for a chance to kiss that person you wish would see you. And then there's the most important line, the line separating you from the people you work with. It doesn't help to get too familiar. To make friends. You need boundaries between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It's all about lines. Drawing lines in the sand and praying like hell no one crosses them.

l'm sure they're all very nice, but l'm very particular about who I let in. I swore he wasn't right. Why? He looked angry, he was quiet. No big smiles, no laughter. Where was his head at? Would he even be able to let me in? Everything in me screamed, no. Get in, get out. No smiling, no hugging, no letting him in. No hopes. Get in. Get out. Draw the lines, dance along it enjoy a moment or two and leave.

The problem with that is...

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines, lines that are intense. So, it's intense. The intensity makes you starry eyed, heart racing, rosy cheeked dumb. No self-control. lt's sad. Really.

Here however is what I know. If you're willing to take the chance the view from the other side is spectacular.

Holiday Cheer

Merry Christmas and Happy Yule to everyone who celebrates this holiday season, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. Whatever you celebrate pertaining to your authority, be safe this season. To say everyone is going to have a wonderful holiday season is naive.  Be mindful and extend a supportive hand, show humility and compassion because adversity does not discriminate.

For more years than I can count, there have been many attempting to remind others that this is a season of loving and compassion.  It isn't about the gifts and greed that often accompanies all aspects of commercialism.  There's no time like the present to accept such knowledge into your heart.  I challenge all to preform one act of kindness.  One "pay it forward".  One honest to goodness, act of kindness.  If we each did just one of these things every day, maybe, just maybe our world would be a better place with far more hope than we currently have.

Love And Let Live

What I do in my house, you might not do in your house.

The truth of the matter is what people do behind closed doors is between them those four walls.  I embrace that if it is consensual, it's not my business.  Morality is subjective.  It took me a long time to accept that statement.  It is a truly hard pill to swallow when you allow ego to stand at the forefront.  I have found with all aspects of life that if one can take ego out of the equation, the answers become so very simple.  

It is your business not mine.  If you're of legal consenting ability, then what you do with your life is not my concern unless it directly impacts mine in a harmful manner, or if it destroys/harms another.  Again this "harmful direct impact" must not be ego based.  My discomfort or disagreeance with another's belief isn't actually harmful.  Just as what you think of me is not my business.    

I still like to think that the basics of, "be kind" is key.  Although I will be the first to admit that I have most certainly failed at this many times over.  So I try harder and surround myself with people who hold me to a higher standard.  Humans as a whole are quite quick to throw stones while their own closets are chock full of skeletons.  What is in the dark will always come to light, let karma do it’s job.  Sometimes what you say about people is only a self assassination and reflection of your character.  

Always be better than and greater than.

No Rest For The Wicked

No truer words were ever spoke.  House guests can be/are great.  Seeing those we haven't been allotted as much time with in the past as we'd have liked is wonderful, knowing they enjoy coming to stay and feel "at home" is also wonderful.  There are moments however when there happens to be one that tests your resolve.  Tries your patience, and makes that vein above your eye twitch.

Two days of them and I'm done.  Now let me preface with the fact that I am a night shift worker adjusting to being home and awake with my husband over the holidays.  It's a bit of a rough haul but worth it.  We are also rather quite for the most part.  We like laughter, and music, and are jokers to the core; however we do so without drama.  The guests have yet to manage that particular skill set.  Loud, disruptive (beyond what is expected) and as I am finding, demanding!

The guests seem to enjoy being up all hours of the night, and sleeping all day.  This would not be such an issue if we had more than one spare room.  A room that our one guest is using, while the other two have had to take up residence in the living room.  It's sofa city sweetheart.  Sofa's which remain occupied until 4 in the afternoon.  As such I enjoy sitting upon my bed all day, well between running back and forth making food that the guests then decide 10 minutes before the food is plated to leave and go get fast food.

Let me just reiterate, I.  Am.  Done.

In Her Story

She knew it was important to live for herself.  She crafted her story, so carefully.  It was well rounded with successes and failures.  Plot twists, quests for truth, justice, and honour.  Great moments of riotous laughter, silly antics, wonderous dreams; and maybe a dragon or two.  In her story, she survived it all.  She survived the eding, she even survived herself. 

She learned through her trials that you cannot give love to those who don't know what to do with it.  She learned the difference between and how to separate need from want, and the value of each.  It freed her of cumbersome trappings and taught her to value her own happiness.  Letting those whom chose to hurt her find their own path, not waiting for them to change.  Finally understanding that placing her values and needs first was not selfish but her own moral obligation.  She had to be her best self, for herself.  An assertive heroine who fought for and cherished something within herself so many others tried to kill.   

Trust Me

It's perfectly fine to fight for someone who loves you.  It's absolutely not okay to fight for someone to love you.  There's a huge difference. 

I see couples in public acting as though being together, being an actual team is the most difficult and trying thing in their lives.  How can you possibly state that you are in a relationship, let alone a loving relationship when it's so obvious to everyone around that you haven't an ounce of trust.  I cannot for the life of me imagine living day in and out with someone I didn't trust. 

Mine

I saw him.
I saw him in his completeness.
I saw his successes and his failures.
I saw him.
I refused to look away.

Swim With Me

I may not be a mermaid, but approach me with caution.  My mind swims at depths most would drown in.

Hell and Back

I've been through hell, more than once.  I've smiled and laughed in the face of true adversity.  My passage through hell wasn't easy, but it was necessary.  I've come through it all, not an angel, but stronger than you can imagine.

You cannot break me. 

You don't have that kind of power.

Level Up

If you want to grow you have to sit with winners.  You can’t grow from people that complain about everything and don’t take initiative to change their circumstances.  I am, and have been blessed to have such great influences and powerhouses that have guided, coached and continue to force me to grow. Don’t settle to be like everyone else, when you yourself know your better than basic.

Health is Wealth

What is it that you are wishing for this holiday season?  To my mind, the number one thing you should be asking, praying, and working for during this holiday season is your health.  Next to being surrounded by people that actually love you that is.  Without each our health, we have so little.  Just as we ave so very little without the necessary support system.

Support systems are as unique as we are.  Be they biological, adoptive or blended family, without them we are each often limited in what we can achieve.  Don't be so quick to be hung up upon the old standards of what "family" is.  Family after all is what you make of it, not what you are born into.  We are each often richer in family than we realize.  Look around and see the reality in the language of love.

Synonymously family and health can be used interchangeably. Ask for the things that count.

Carpe Diem

A couple hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. ''Never leave that till tomorrow, '' he said, ''which you can do today." This is the man who discovered electricity. You'd think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection.

Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true. That, by the time the pain of not doing a thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor. Metaphorically in any case. He who hesitates is lost, after all. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day.

Still, sometimes, we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. Lock the door. We have to learn our own lessons.  We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering. That waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.

Be A Beautiful Soul

Money does not impress me.  Show me more.  Show me your true character.  I can be very hard not only on others, but more so on myself.  Show me a beautiful soul.  For a beautiful soul speaks far louder, and rings clearer to me than your trinkets or wealth. 

A lonely castle is not a castle worth living in.

1 year & 7 months

One year and seven months ago I met a man who accepted my past, inspired my future, thus he has a confirmed seat in my presence.

Together he and I can accomplish anything.