I've know Thumbelina a long damn time. She's what one might call an idiot sivant. She's got idea upon ideas, and the means to back them but often times gets lost in the bigger picture and loses sight of those tedious little slices of reality that demand attention. So now she wants to buy a quaint house, make it a home. Put down roots and all that rot. Rot..that seems rather funny now. Yet once again she was so excited to grab hold of the perfect little slice of new found "simple" life that a few of the not so small details slipped past her at an alarming rate. There I stood helping her understand, things the plumber said and I did my best not to choke. Direct quotes will be impossible as I had a second job of also keeping Thumbelina focused and her glass filled with wine, so there are portions that were nothing more than a horrific background soundtrack. Great Odin and the friends I keep...wonders will never cease.
"....broken sewer lines...."
".....dig up yard......"
".....improper drainage....."
"......soaking and rotting the foundation....."
".....swelling roots filling your pipe...." She grins, I roll my eyes.
".....totally faulty plumbing system....."
".....wait a minute, Thumbelina? I think I saw you...In that video. I was you, wasn't it!"
".....not sure how much it will cost....."
".....to put it bluntly Thumbelina, you're fuct with a capital T....and nothing like in the video." She rolls her eyes and I grin.
Thank Bacchus for wine and instagram and her massive bank account because this is the worst news she's gotten in like, 6 years when one of her breasts decided to droop. I even cried about it, while she just nodded and drank steadily. Maybe I gave her too much wine.
The plumbers name was Walter. I wish Walter had a speech impediment because that would have softened the ass raping...."
I must be tired or drunk off the fumes of her wine. Because by the gods that seems so funny right now.
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Monday, April 25, 2016
Testing the Waters
Jumping back into the dating pool is far less fun than one might think. I've never been a fan of creating the shiny advertising to entice others into thinking I'm their "one". It seems, to commercial; and full of false promises for my liking. Yet in this busy world it seems as though it's both the easiest and most difficult manner with which to seek a partner. So many of the bio's read like real estate listings.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
I like the heat
It has to be said. I saw the ugliest baby today. No word of a lie the child had a face that only a mother could love...Or it that only 'it's' mother could love? Yes I'm well aware of the preferred seating
awaiting me in hell.
awaiting me in hell.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Apt
A touch as soft as velvet
A voice as sweet as wine
An everchanging presence
With a stimulating mind
A smile that rivals sunshine
Her laughter light upon the breeze
Her general aura is embracing
But she's apt to change with ease
Friday, April 22, 2016
Lifetime or a moment in time
I love freshly laundered linen, rescue dogs, wildlife, politics, and lilies. Doing things with great passion, heated debates, and good conversation. White & dark chocolate, mangoes, long lasting friendships, Winnie the pooh, writing, and adventures. Longs walks in the middle of nowhere, oceans, and beaches. Setting goals, falling in love, dancing, holding hands, sitting with someone close at sunset on the beach. Walking in the rain, jumping in puddles, skinny dipping, sharing my secrets with a special someone, fears and accomplishments. Kissing, snuggling, mens button down shirts, and the scent of a rich cologne lingering on my pillow.
I loath okra, dirty dishes, satin sheets, and harmful gossip. Animal abusers, injustice, BSL, and being cold. Stubbing my toe, liars, Donald Trump, and compromising my values. I believe in the value if a kind word, second chances, laughing until you cry, and telling people you love them. Accepting my flaws as readily as my positive qualities. Finding beauty in every situation, if not always in the actions of others. I believe love and connecting with another is a beautiful thing be it for a lifetime or a moment in time. I miss sipping wine with candles lit, just "being" with another person. I believe if you have captured my heart and soul we both have gained. I believe you really never know someone until you look them in the eyes and hear your name on the lips.
Just a Mother?
A Story
I remember a many years ago, when I was picking up the children at school, another mother I knew well, rushed up to me. She was fuming with indignation. "Do you know what you and I are?"
she demanded. Before I could answer, and I didn't really have one handy. She blurted out the reason for her question. It seemed she had just returned from renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office. Asked by the woman behind the counter to state her "occupation," she had hesitated,
uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is," explained the clerk, "Do you have a job, or are you just a ......?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped my friend. "I'm a mother." "We don't list "mother" as an occupation..."housewife" covers it," said the clerk emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high-sounding title, like "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar." "And what is your occupation?"
she probed.
What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm....a Research Associate
in the field of Child Development and Human Relations." The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in mid-air, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pompous pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?" Cooly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters (the whole darned family) and already have three credits (all healthy).
Of course,the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?)
and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants---age 7 and 5. And upstairs, I could hear our new experimental model (six months)
in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt triumphant. I had scored a beat on bureaucracy. And I had gone down on the official records as someone more distinguished
and indispensable to mankind than "just another......"
Home...what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the door.
I remember a many years ago, when I was picking up the children at school, another mother I knew well, rushed up to me. She was fuming with indignation. "Do you know what you and I are?"
she demanded. Before I could answer, and I didn't really have one handy. She blurted out the reason for her question. It seemed she had just returned from renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office. Asked by the woman behind the counter to state her "occupation," she had hesitated,
uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is," explained the clerk, "Do you have a job, or are you just a ......?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped my friend. "I'm a mother." "We don't list "mother" as an occupation..."housewife" covers it," said the clerk emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high-sounding title, like "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar." "And what is your occupation?"
she probed.
What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm....a Research Associate
in the field of Child Development and Human Relations." The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in mid-air, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pompous pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?" Cooly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters (the whole darned family) and already have three credits (all healthy).
Of course,the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?)
and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants---age 7 and 5. And upstairs, I could hear our new experimental model (six months)
in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt triumphant. I had scored a beat on bureaucracy. And I had gone down on the official records as someone more distinguished
and indispensable to mankind than "just another......"
Home...what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the door.
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Come Again?
When your lover after much silent thought turns to you and asks, "what excites you?" The response they are looking for is not..."I don't know."
The simple, possibly honest, albeit foolish answer is sure to be quickly drown out by the sounds of metal crunching and brakes screeching inside of your lovers brain. You have just given the equivalent and silent answer of, "well it isn't you." Should this question follow your last few hours of looking at images of women in various states of undress, none of which bare the slightest resemblance to your lover...Well you've really put your foot in it this time.
Head for the hills my friend. This is not going to end well.
The simple, possibly honest, albeit foolish answer is sure to be quickly drown out by the sounds of metal crunching and brakes screeching inside of your lovers brain. You have just given the equivalent and silent answer of, "well it isn't you." Should this question follow your last few hours of looking at images of women in various states of undress, none of which bare the slightest resemblance to your lover...Well you've really put your foot in it this time.
Head for the hills my friend. This is not going to end well.
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
He's grasped reality
"This isn't like the video games -- if you crash you don't get an extra life."
-- Child, sitting in the passenger seat, commenting on parent's driving.
-- Child, sitting in the passenger seat, commenting on parent's driving.
Monday, April 18, 2016
Finding Neverland
The work week seems to go on forever, without the lustre it once held. The last two weeks have taken far more effort to muster the enthusiasm than ever before. There is a longing for the "old team." A once well oiled machine, a happily dysfunctional family. We had one another's backs, we laughed, we shared, we supported one another. We lack that now. We the few who remain stick together, but we're tired.
We're so very tired. We walk through the doors like zombies. Our "fearless" leader seems more of a cautionary tale than the mean he should be. Double talk, insecurities, and emotional breakdowns all all he offers now. We shake ourheads and give each other sideways glances awaiting the next overreaction. Each of us now planning our exit strategies hoping beyond hope that we find something better. Something more.
Finding neverland, our great last hope.
We're so very tired. We walk through the doors like zombies. Our "fearless" leader seems more of a cautionary tale than the mean he should be. Double talk, insecurities, and emotional breakdowns all all he offers now. We shake ourheads and give each other sideways glances awaiting the next overreaction. Each of us now planning our exit strategies hoping beyond hope that we find something better. Something more.
Finding neverland, our great last hope.
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Little Things
It will never cease to amaze me. Some people, they can say the littlest things. Something that may seem so insignificant, but it changes everything forever. Changes they way you feel about them. Forever. Little words, sentences; that can either hurt or heal. Either way it changes everything. How you see them; feel about them. Forever. Even if they don't know it. Most of the time they don't seem to realize it and I Think that's the saddest part of all.
I remember everything from the day Pete went from someone I cared about to someone I couldn't even stand to look at. Every sight, sound, smell, taste. The raw lurch of my gut, as he stated the racist comment with such simplicity and ease. It wasn't harsh are cruely stated. It would have seemed more normal? If he had been nasty. It really was the ease and commonality with which he said it that cut me to the core. It was in that split second that I knew I hated him and everything he believed in.
The very sight of him made my stomach turn. The moment he spoke again I wanted to rip his tongue from his mouth. He reached out to take my hand with a smile on his face and all I could think was, "if he touches me I will scream. I'll scream until my voice runs out and them; I'll kill him." The next morning I deleted him from my life for good, and never looked back. Not until now, and the memory of it still makes me stomach turn.
Such a little thing, was so massive in its consequences.
I remember everything from the day Pete went from someone I cared about to someone I couldn't even stand to look at. Every sight, sound, smell, taste. The raw lurch of my gut, as he stated the racist comment with such simplicity and ease. It wasn't harsh are cruely stated. It would have seemed more normal? If he had been nasty. It really was the ease and commonality with which he said it that cut me to the core. It was in that split second that I knew I hated him and everything he believed in.
The very sight of him made my stomach turn. The moment he spoke again I wanted to rip his tongue from his mouth. He reached out to take my hand with a smile on his face and all I could think was, "if he touches me I will scream. I'll scream until my voice runs out and them; I'll kill him." The next morning I deleted him from my life for good, and never looked back. Not until now, and the memory of it still makes me stomach turn.
Such a little thing, was so massive in its consequences.
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Dream a little dream
Do we dream in order to sleep or do we sleep in order to dream? Studies show the importance of dreaming and its role in your well-being and health. Some researchers believe that dreams help you to tackle stress. Dreaming is a necessity and helps to recharge the mind and revitalize the body. I admittedly, do not get near enough sleep. 4 hour bouts seem to be the normal amount for my ridiculously paced life with my darling Mako. It is a labour of love with her.
My dreams waking and asleep revolve around a day when rescue s no long needed. Where animals are respected if not cared for by all. A world were there is less pain and far more joy. A world where my beautiful Mako isn't fearful of everything and reactive to so little that going for a walk, or even into the backyard for a pee break isn't such a challenge.
My dreams waking and asleep revolve around a day when rescue s no long needed. Where animals are respected if not cared for by all. A world were there is less pain and far more joy. A world where my beautiful Mako isn't fearful of everything and reactive to so little that going for a walk, or even into the backyard for a pee break isn't such a challenge.
Friday, April 15, 2016
Acceptance
There are only certain things that you change in this world. One cannot teach a snake how to fly by feeding it birds.
I may not understand you or the manner in which you choose to live, but I will respect and love you just the same. Should you need anything, I'll be here.
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Embrace the pain
Perhaps we’ll meet again when we’re older, when our minds are less hectic. Maybe then, you'll be better for me and I'll be better for you.
There are people that come into our lives changing almost everything. The world seems to dim everywhere else as they stand before you. Like the sun they seem to burn bright and hot, and you simply know it cannot last. Sometimes they stay for what feels a lifetime, sometimes but a moment in time. I've been fortunate enough to have a few of these amazing people come into my life over the years, and each time I am elated and devastated all the same. Regardless of the pain their inevitable absence brings, I can always look back on our time together and smile.
Don't get weighted down over the sense of loss. When you do that you fail to embrace and allow all of the positivity and good they brought into your life, and how you're better for it. After all without the pain of loss, how would we know what the true exhilaration of joy is?
There are people that come into our lives changing almost everything. The world seems to dim everywhere else as they stand before you. Like the sun they seem to burn bright and hot, and you simply know it cannot last. Sometimes they stay for what feels a lifetime, sometimes but a moment in time. I've been fortunate enough to have a few of these amazing people come into my life over the years, and each time I am elated and devastated all the same. Regardless of the pain their inevitable absence brings, I can always look back on our time together and smile.
Don't get weighted down over the sense of loss. When you do that you fail to embrace and allow all of the positivity and good they brought into your life, and how you're better for it. After all without the pain of loss, how would we know what the true exhilaration of joy is?
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Important Things
Things that are important to me anyhow.
- Having a dog
- Training your dog
- Caring for something or someone more than yourself
- Having milk/cream in the fridge and tea/coffee in the cupboard
- Walking as often as possible even when it's inconvenient
- Reading books that make you feel all ranges of emotions
- Cuddling
- Always having headphones
- Always having music readily available
- Always having pen and paper on hand
- Having someone you can tell everything to, even your most embarrassing anxieties
- Being able to look at yourself in the mirror and liking who staring back
- Saying thank you
- Getting off the beaten path
- Spending time in or near large bodies of water
- Freshly laundered sheets
- Having a best friend who loves you unconditionally
- Being on time
- Knowing where things are
- Telling people that you love them
- Hugging people
- The ability to do very little
- The ability to do a lot
- Knowing when to stop everything and just breathe
- Having friends you don't mince words with
- Knowing how to cook a proper 3 course meal
- Knowing how to set a proper table
- Knowing the difference between like and love
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Just Breathe
Being strong all of the time is not only exhausting, but almost impossible. Still we try. We suck it up and pack the hurt away. What will crying get us after all? Puffy eyes and a runny nose? I see no help there. It just wastes my time and limited reserves. Reserves that while in the wings, are already claimed by others.
Sometimes I fear that if I started crying now, I'd never stop.
Sometimes I fear that if I started crying now, I'd never stop.
Monday, April 11, 2016
Growth
The process is both amazing and frightening all at once. Certainly it can be painful too. Watching my children grow and become these amazing adults is a lot like that as well.
Alcohol So Strong It Burns Your Name From My Throat.
My poor dear. Where you not aware there is no joy in happiness? It doesn't mean that we do not try however.
One day he'll think before he speaks. He'll remember all that I've told him 1000 times over, and he'll finally understand. It could happen right? Until then I shall await the seconding coming of that mythological guy.
One day he'll think before he speaks. He'll remember all that I've told him 1000 times over, and he'll finally understand. It could happen right? Until then I shall await the seconding coming of that mythological guy.
Saturday, April 9, 2016
Positive Thoughts
Little sleep has been had. It's just too difficult to rest when my mind is traveling along iit's neuron pathways at the speed of light. I don't know how to help him. I'm truly at a loss. Part of me was screaming to pick up the phone and let Mr. Moral have it both barrels. Yet that would accomplish nothing. At least, nothing positive or helpful. The pressure he is under, I fear; is going to kill him.
Karma?
Being madly in lust is an awesome thing. Crossing that bridge into being in love, better still. You open yourself, you heart, your life, and your soul to another. You share so much of yourself, and if you are so blessed your all will be welcomed into the open arms of another. Luckier still will be that moment when your partner does the same int return.
We risk it all. Hoping and praying that when all s sad and done, should the day come where its completely over that they don't use all of that provided ammunition against you. To completely destroy you. It's a risk we all take to some degree or another and it terrifying. But we leap nonetheless.
We risk it all. Hoping and praying that when all s sad and done, should the day come where its completely over that they don't use all of that provided ammunition against you. To completely destroy you. It's a risk we all take to some degree or another and it terrifying. But we leap nonetheless.
Friday, April 8, 2016
Embrace
There are moments when a hug is the best medicine one can have. Both in the getting and giving. A hug won't make all of your or another's troubles disappear. It's not about that though. It's about being embraced, and even if for a brief moment sharing that heavy burden and making it feel less debilitating. For the person that's so badly hurting, that hug can be a game changer. Such a simple act of kindness really can be that port in the storm. And sometimes, sometimes that enough.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Not You
As it turns out, everyone else isn't you. There are many who were similar, many who were nothing like you at all. They've made me laugh, some made me want to cry, some made me think outside of the box, and some taught me new lessons. Yet none of them were you.
As t turns out, that a huge problem for me.
As t turns out, that a huge problem for me.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
All In
My problem is that my entire life I have been in relationships and have always wanted to be in a relationship. I genuinely like being in a relationship. I like growing fond of someone and seeing our relationship progress to a level that we are just so comfortable around each other. But I don’t trust even those I love, not completely. So I've opted to stay away from serious relationships until I find someone I can truly love with a completeness that opens my heart to trusting them with my all.
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Please tell me it was something
Maybe we stayed so we wouldn’t be alone, and maybe we knew that it wasn’t us but just someone who was always there, Maybe our love wasn’t pure and our intentions weren’t true, but it was love nonetheless, and together we felt something, and anyone who makes you feel something is worth it. I’m not sure if it’s the frustration, or the fight, or the convoluted intentions, or even our polluted love, but it has to be something.
Monday, April 4, 2016
Sunday, April 3, 2016
A Bomb
First love is unrequited ultimately because it’s so huge. It’s such an act of giving and it requires so much back that it can never be given back. It’s like an atom bomb…It’s all the energy of who you are and who you want to be and what you love and what you hope to be explodes. It is impossible for a single…human being to offer that back to you in a mutual way.
— Stephen Fry
— Stephen Fry
Saturday, April 2, 2016
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