Pace yourself

I grew up in a home filled with constant commotion and noise. TV blaring. Music thrumming. People yelling. Dishes clanging. Wooden furniture squeaking.

I despised the noise. But when the yelling abruptly stopped, it meant that someone was about to get hit, so I hated the silence more. I associated silence with violence for a long time. I filled my space with noise and chaos and it felt good. Comfortable. 

After moving out on my own, my home didn't have a TV, it merely contained a boom box (yes I am dating myself) alas my neighbours were old and liked peace. So to be a good neighbour the noise was minimal at best. (literal or figurative) Thus I would pace. I'd just walk around, back and forth running the floor plan like a caged wolf. After my first born arrived, I found that pacing wasnt the answer so we'd walk. I'd walk him for hours on end all throughout the city.

As time moved on as it alwas does, I noticed that I paced less. I'd embraced walking out among the world and it's inhabitants. Enjoying all that they and nature had to offer. I'd distanced myself from those that I'd once called family. Limiting our contact and time together. For many years I maintained absolutely no contact with my birth family, and I actually began to find a sense of peace. I still adore the outdoors and walking / hiking for hours on end; however error there is no pacing.

Happily, I have discovered that I am exceptional at sitting quietly. Peacefully. I from time to time have exploited the shit out of that skill. Here's to all of us finding our inner peace. It truly is a gift that keeps on giving.