Part hood, part good.

Radical honesty is a full-time job. This truth goes directly against almost everyone's work ethic. Be it retail, office work, customer service or hell even a job interview; lying is key. Some would call it "shades of the truth" but let's cut the bullshit, it's lying. I had a district manager who demanded the truth was always in high priority! She claimed to value it above all else.

She was a liar. She was also terrible at hiring people. 8 out of the 10 people she hired were such bad candidates that it would have been laughable if it weren't horrifically sad. I had stold by and watched these events unfolding time and time again. I finally couldn't take the foolishness anymore and told her the truth. A simple statment of facts with their corresponding outcomes. It went over like a lead balloon.

I’m passionate about quite a few things in this world, of course those things tend not to be as popular with the general person. I live my life in relative comfort. I toil daily to make ends meet, through all of the time-consuming, laborious tasks that usually entitle people to that kind of comfort. I do find many of not most people, want to live like a rappers without being a rappers. If you happen to meet anyone who’s never laid down a single track or been taken into custody for disorderly conduct and unlawful possession of a firearm but still lives like Rick Ross, then you may have a better understanding. I’m actually a fan of hard work, but very occasionally, I dream of a job that allows me to just sit pretty while amassing vaults of cash.

So at the beginning of October, when I made the commitment to get real and work in a far more honest enviroment, I thought that a monthlong break would be enough time to address my demons, and I would come back, envigrated and ready to hit the workforce ground running. That lasted all of 3 days. After a small amount of paaperwork and an hour long interview, I was once again gainfully employed.  My allotting 30 days to clear away debris like dust in the wind seemed pretty generous, and I actually made a list of things I might try in case I finished a few days early. I watched a tutorial on how to create the perfect winged eyeliner with a smokey eye and that bitch was #1 on my list.

I know the facts but I'm still not sure how 30 days turned into just 3. So I'd just like to mention the if any of the coping mechanisms you use to stay functional involve pushing down grief and pain and rage about your past or your present, and you unlatch the gate that’s been corralling those feelings and they all escape in a mad rush and you have to chase each one down to see if it really belongs to you or it can be returned to the wild, um, you’re not going to have time to work on the perfect winged eyeliner. Not in three days. Yeah, I know, it was a surprise to me too.