Wide awake at 3am

You know what I just LOVE? Being woken up from my minimal sleep pattern by some asshat on skype calling me.  No really its fucking awesome. Thanks for that dickhead whoever you are. (No it was not someone in my friends list)

Not sure how I feel about dating at this particular point in my life. I mean, I still have hope that there are honest, kind, trustworthy people out there. Probably in some remote corner of the world without internet and cell phones. I still enjoy going on a date and getting to know someone new, but the fact of the matter is there are typically two types of men looking to date now a days. The first is playing at being interested while really looking for a hookup. The second is the head in the clouds looking for marriage and children.  Neither of which is what I seek. So I settle for someone in between to break up the boredom, knowing full well t all has a fast approaching shelf life that will leave me back out in the sea of masses once more trying not to laugh out loud at the absurdity of it all.

I still see a certain vet tech show up and get butterflies. I'm far too old for butterflies and for him, but its fun on occasion to fantasize. We talked about it once. He's meant for marriage and kids, two things I can never offer anyone. So were friends, and we laugh about one another's dates. Still, I also harbor a distaste for the process of letting new people get to know me. I loathe repeating myself, and getting-to-know-you-conversations inevitably bring about the same questions, which require the same answers. I try to spice things up and tell stories in a new way, but there's only so far I can go before I just feel I'm reciting my emotional resume for the person. I get bored. I think I need to create a booklet, one they can read that says so this is me in a nut shell. Then after they've finished, we can just jump in with more interesting conversation. Or if we're both bored by that time depending on how slow they read, I can just start making shit up.

I went to dinner with this guy not too long ago. yes, a straight guy! It was all going well, great conversation, a decent outlook on life... then his wife called...

He had failed to mention that portion of his life. I need to remember to ask that question right upfront and explain clearly that I have never played well with others..

“As happens sometimes, a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone.”

John Steinbeck