Dating in 2016 leaves a lot to be desired. For those who have followed along with my running monologue, or that have dropped in from elsewhere; you are already aware I work a great deal. My life revolves around animals and doing my small part to ensure those that have lived a life of mistreatment aren't punished for what humans have caused. It's my passion. So when I say my work begins at 5am and on the average day doesn't end until 2am, I'm not joking.
Yes, I am often tired beyond the telling of it. And yes, it can be exceptionally isolating. Sometimes I think I've accepted that I shall remain single forever. But then I get brave and hopful that just maybe there's someone who will get it. Someone who will get me, quirks and laughter, heartache, dogs, and all. I'm no super model, I've never pretended to be. I'm far from perfect, and yes I can be wicked sarcastic. Still, there's got to be someone who will find me flaws and all kind of awesome right?
So against my own better judgement and that synical voice that seems to be growing louder each day; I jump back in. No tip toeing, just full out there this is me, want to take a chance? It sucks, in the bad way having to admit that yes, there are times I am lonely. I'm not one to cry or complain so I cowgirl up and throw my hat into the ring once more. Hoping beyond hope that this time it will be different. This time I may indeed meet someone genuine, emotionally available and willing to put in the effort of seeing if we could work.
I took that chance this evening. We texted, decided to meet this evening. We spoke on the phone three different time throughout the day. Laughter and good conversation was had. We decided to meet at 9:30pm at a local restaurant. Bold as I am, I also believe in being safe; and as per my home rules with the dogs there are never any surprise visits, not to mention inviting strangers home is just never a good idea.
I messaged him at 9:30pm figuring he was already on his way, possibly close. I stated I was waiting about front of the restaurant. When no response came in the 20 minutes that followed I figured, hey he's driving so give him some more time. Be patient. The weather had been bad, so who knew what the roads might be like. By 10:10pm I called to see if he was lost or if meeting just wasn't possible tonight. I got his voicemail. I left a polite message saying I hoped all was well but if tonight don't work just let me know.
At 10:20 I messaged again. No response and I cringed as the last bus of the night drove past. So no date, now now bus, and miles to go before I got home. I walked the hour and a half home and remember once more with vivid clarity just why I prefer the company of my dogs. My dogs. My dogs whoes schedule I had to rearrange for this evenings waltz into how to waste time. My dogs whom I had to find someone who can handle them, to go to my place and let out of their crates, take them out, and feed them as I'd been at my other job all day. My dogs who bear the brunt of me trying to have an hour or two of a normal grown up life.
Now I not only feel stupid, but also like a big jerk for putting them through that. Chalk another one up to foolish hope.
Hope... I'm not sure how much of that I have left.
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