Aren't You Afraid?

Face Everything And Rise

This was the very direct and honest question my girlfriend Barbie asked; very straight faced and with the kind of sober assurance in her voice that had me pausing to really think over her question as we sipped our lattes.  Well I had a latte and she was happily day drinking....again.  She does that, I smile and pour her another.  As some of you will already know, Barbie is the leggy blonde with massive breasts ex porn girl who hates children and all things difficult.  As such she doesn't often ask the difficult questions.  We laugh, keep things in her comfort zone, and should it get hard, well she calls me to deal with it.  I am her only girlfriend that she trusts and as such I am yes, her part time enabler.  It's a workable system and I simply accept her just as she is.

So back to her question.  Wasn't I afraid?  Well afraid of what? was my immediate thought.  When I say very bluntly that in my home specifically, I don't do fear.  I mean it.  Fear is a useless emotion.  Moreover in my home with the animals that are in my care, fear is a detriment.  Have I felt fear?  Of course.  I choose not to give it much creedence though.

Aren't you afraid of getting hurt?  Barbie clarified.

Ahh, the million dollar question.  Is the risk worth the payoff, or should we just never try?  At least that is how many view things.  From life, to love, to business, to adventure.  It really all comes down to people wanting some kind of payoff.  From life that payoff can be fame, power, a life remembered by others.  In love well that all depends on what you go into it looking for; kids, security, passion, that one person that doesn't run away from your ugliness.  And yes we all have ugliness.  In business it often boils down to money, though fame, and notability are often in there with a smidgen of power too.  Adventure is often focused around peace, relaxation, or elation.

So wasn't I afraid?  As Barbie and I had been discussing my recent trust fall into the world of connecting with another again, I did that quick scan of all that we'd touched on.  Age being a big one, not knowing what tomorrow would bring, the often dodged question, am I going to be the only one, and shelf life.  My own quirky term that I've become exceedingly comfortable with.

Barbie not being the patient sort slapped my leg and demanded an answer.  My answer is both simple and complex.  No.  I am not afraid of being hurt is what this all comes down to.  Will I be hurt?  Possibly.  Will I allow that to colour or direct the course of how things progress?  No.  Funnily enough The Voice and I discussed this last night in a roundabout manner.

Each relationship that we've all had, be it romantic, business, and everything in between has coloured how we view life and others.  It is inevitable, yet I am a firm believer that you cannot, should not paint each new person in your life with the same brushstrokes that you painted the last person.  As humans we have the gift of reason, and as my son would say "mum you are the one who gave me all my skills for critical thinking."  Critical thinking is my gift and curse.

I can boil any and all situations down to their lowest common denominator within 5 minutes of having met someone.  I am no mind reader, I just trend to read people well.  My directness also tends to weed out those who would prefer to be deceitful on a great many levels.  Like anyone else I have my scars.  Physical, mental, emotional.  That's life, unless you're some kind of bubble person you're bound to have a few of each.  Unlike many, I do not go into relationships seeking a payoff of any kind.

Over the years and throughout my vast experiences, I've come to find that there is always a payoff just from taking the chance.  I no longer seek external sources to complete me.  I am wholly complete as I am.  Singular.  Alone.  Imperfectly perfect.  I have chosen to expand my circle and include another for however long he chooses to be a part of that circle.  Regardless as to the time or path he and I choose to take, I am comfortable in saying that he will always have my friendship and support.  I am fortunate to have met another kind, caring soul who also chose to take a chance and trust another.

Payoff complete.

Maybe we're perfect strangers

Maybe it's not forever

Maybe the night will change us

Maybe we'll stay together

Maybe we'll walk away

Maybe we'll realize

We're only human

Maybe we don't need no reason why 

-perfect strangers-