Sexy Back

Yesterday ended up being a really god day. Odd how that works. I was sure I’d have to go on some bloody rampage, but no. I’m glad to be honest; I was after all wearing these really cute shoes and those pants that just scream out, “good ass day ahead.” By the gods I love those pants. With work done I swung by home and picked up TMQ. Whimsy said she’d rather say home and just “chillax” and proceeded to do just that. That girl is so damn funny, and smart. She’s the breath of fresh air that makes my day’s worthwhile. TMQ and I went to…the mall. Blech. Loathe that place but he and I always end up there. He’s a teen so it’s excusable, for now. We searched for his cologne, Blue Jeans. Of course that was sold out so we ended up getting Versace Man, instead. Not sure I like the scent as much but he say’s its fine, and he’s a guy so it must be “fine.”

We weren’t able to find his football pants around here so it looks like we’ll be heading out of here early and check out Si Vous Play Sports in Pickering. They should have the pants he wants. It’s not a ‘must have’ situation but an extra pair would be helpful. I want to do that for him, and if it’ll help out Laconic then it’s fine with me. The man refuses to take child support from me! Know, I know, I wouldn’t take it from him either, not really. We were/are friends and if the kids need something whoever is able just get whatever item it is. Hell if Laconic needs anything them I’ll get it for him too. He does the same for me much to other’s amusement. People don’t get it, we really are friends. Best friends, we’re family, always will be. I guess I just don’t get that notion that because we were once together, and have children together that we are ‘supposed to’ hate one another. Why should it be like that? We love the kids, we love one another, and we’re just not in love with each other. Sure it might have been nice of us to recognize that before we had kids, but in the end it really worked out and I certainly don’t regret it.

In the end we have, between he, his wife and I, four kids that are amazing! They each have our best qualities and seem to have opted not to take on our lesser qualities. Pretty fantastic really. No, his wife and I are not all best-friendy and such, but she’s a good lady. I tend to annoy her, and I get that. There’s still an insecurity there for her that while silly, it's how she feels and it should be respected. I do my level best to ensure that I don’t do things to make that insecurity rear its ugly head, and over time I think she’s come to see that I certainly have no designs on her husband. To be honest that line of thought is, disturbing. I don’t believe in going backwards to something that you just know doesn’t work, that’s insane.

Oh and speaking of insane. Yeah this is my life… So to end a perfectly good week, I’ve had men in my bed. Let’s not forget they were gay, or asleep. I caught the eye of another man yesterday, once again gay, but he thought I was ‘adorable’ and he loved my ring. Yeah my feelings of being sexy are just jumping by leaps and bounds. *insert eye roll here* But hey there was this sort of attractive woman, in Costco, who checked out my ass… or maybe it was the jeans. They really are great jeans! Oh and I had a sexy dream… about Justin Timberlake. So who’s going to pay for my therapy? Sure he’s got a whole sensual thing going on that could really create some lusty thoughts but sweetjaysus there was really no call for dreaming about him naked, and doing that thing with his… Yeah those thoughts will lead to embarrassing moments and a seat on Dr. Phil. Gods I need to get laid, there just aren’t enough batteries left in the house and stealing the one from the kids gameboys is not working out now that they have those stupid rechargeable DS ones.

On a brighter note, I’ve lost 12 Lbs. Water weight really but I still say, “go me.” Warning head, female icky talk fellas. It’s weird, just before my monthly I retain water like the Hoover dam, I seriously, like clockwork gain upwards of 12 to 15 lbs! By the 8th day or so I’m slowly getting back down and feel a hell of a lot better, but let me just tell you for those 8 or so day’s I feel like the blob. Oh stop cringing men, if you were the ones with a period we’d hear all about it! It’s not like you guys don’t have PMS! You so do. Sure we’re the cause of it but that’s neither here nor there. It the fault that I work with women, all women that brings out this ‘honest gross talk.’ There’s little we’ve not discussed at work. It’s a women’s gym so yeah, there’s bloating, PMS, fellatio talk, stretch mark solutions (none of which have worked for me!), and the sore nipple chatter. Can’t forget those talks. See what you guys are missing out on. Now tell me the gods honest truth, fellas do you ever have those day’s when you just feel, less than fresh?

6:33 PM
TQM is back in the city now and let me just tell you how fast the drive can be made when you've got decent music and a smart assed kid!

Sex With My Coffee

So there I was jut rolling, rolling, rolling, out of bed this morning, and thunk onto the floor I went, groaning. Bloody Hell. I, ever so gracefully lever myself up using the side of the bed, and my teeth; eyes still half closed. To say lethargy pulled down upon my limbs like a ton and a half of bricks saddled around my neck and shoulders would have been a wild understatement. Kind of like saying Ann Coulter is a fuck wit, or George Bush Jr. is a child. I always thought gravity was against me; this particular morning my suspicions were confirmed in a blossoming clarity of blue, green, and purple upon my laurels. It was too cool, I was too warm, and I was too heavy, and my whole body was screaming for coffee in a way that would make even the entire band of Guns N Roses think twice before stepping between the mug and I. Stumbling around for a few I do indeed manage to find what I believe were my children’s sleeping forms. It could have been the dog or cats, or someone else entirely; but I’m going to go with the notion that it was indeed my children. Looking down at their peaceful sleeping figures, I debated poking them awake – just for my own pleasure, and to tell him I was going out. In the end I left off, and just got ready for work. Once completely ready I did a sort of nudging, jostling thing that works to get them awake enough to hear me but not awake enough to have them fully up and unable to go back to sleep. We did the quiet early morning ‘I love yous’ and I was off.

“Ohmygodsthecold…Sofuckingcold!” My brain screamed and reminded me of the warmth we had just left. If we stayed we could even make our own coffee, for free. Shuddering off the cold only served in the freezing morning air finding it’s way past my skin and into those pockets of warmth that are supposed to just be there at all times– it was ‘oh hell no’ o’clock, from my calculations – and I started the car and thought about the likelihood in which I’d have to run people over just to shut them up. Early morning cheeriness was something that was making me nauseous this morning, and my just shaved legs prickling all over with goose bumps were not helping the mood. I wanted, no, I needed coffee, and I need it now! Yeah it was that kind of moment. And okay so if I’m completely honest coffee and sex would have been even better but we all know how that friggin turned out. Little miss smiles-n-giggles handed me the beautiful massive mug of caffeinated mouth watering goodness, and the hunk behind me...kissed his wife, and I killed them all with just a thought. I sipped my coffee and finally smiled.

I have three clients coming in within the hour and yeah, they're all gonna pay for my morning. They know this, they pay for this, and well, yeah, yay me.

Mean Girls

I just read a fellow journalers post and couldn’t help but laugh. No wonder men think we’re all nuts. We kind of are.

Do I get what happened between the two women? Yeah, it's a pretty common thing. Most women will get the insanity in a way that doesn't seem so insane to us, but to the rest of the world/men yeah pretty nuts. Sorry guys, it's a vagina thing.

Ooh...

Its effect can only be duplicated if you drop your tone to that of something so soft it’s almost non existent and just breathe the letters… “Ooh.” That is what it’s like each and every moment I get to see him, and yet, never going to happen. The sad very realistic part of my life is the fact that I know beyond any shadow of doubt, my fantasies are always better than the reality.

Men In my Bed

I had men in my bed. That’s right not a man, men! So three of them were gay and one was asleep…Yeah I think that’s enough sharing for today. Blech.

Resting Wicked

Morning, afternoon, evening, whatever greeting fit. It’s morning here in the wonderful state/providence of nonconformity. It’s cooler than yesterday, but being only April and well the mere fact that on Easter it snowed, I can’t really complain. I want to get up and go but am doing my level best to let the stupid wound heal properly. That and I’ve not been able to gnaw through the chain yet. Kidding, sort of. Mum, aka: Hyacinth and her adoring hubby, The Golfing Biker, are hovering. Ok so GB is just kind of being his grumpy supportive guy self, and Hyacinth is hovering like a crazy woman. In an hours time I think she’s force fed me 8 cups of tea and half a loaf of dry toast. I know she’s concerned and trying to help. Still the dog is really getting full from all the toast and my sock drawer can’t take another slice.

Of course this is pretty much my own fault. I ate dairy after taking my meds and wow, won’t be forgetting those things don’t mix. Ever. The stomach cramps sent me to my damn knees. She’s just trying to be a good nurse, she’s failing miserably but we’ll give her and E for effort. I want coffee. I want coffee so bad I’m willing to stab her in the eye to make my point that I’ve had more than enough tea thankyouverymuch. This is what happens when you think, that taking over the house so that your parents; whom are no longer spring chickens; can retire and do all those things that they haven’t been able to do because they were always taking care of the kids. Namely my brother, three sisters, and I. What was I thinking? This trying to be the good, eldest daughter…sometimes it kind of blows. Other times it’s a hoot’n’a’half. Which incidentally is close to a hootenanny, but there’s a whole lot more hoot and just a touch of nanny.

The soon to be X emailed this morning. He’s in better spirits and I’ve got to say, he was quite kind. I think given time, we really could be friends. Time does heal many things, not all wounds of course; some are far too deep to ever truly heal. I keep hearing the, “you’re young dear, you’ll find love again” speech from well meaning people. I’m not sure who they are, or how they know I’m getting divorced, but they all seem really nice. The thing is I’m not ready for that, not yet. I’m not sure if I ever will be. I had always said that I would only ever marry once. Well I’ve traveled that road. I’m 33, 34 as of November, so sure I’m still young. The catch, is there one? I suppose there is. I have two children, their in the teens, I do not want to have any more. I can’t either. Snip, snip went those little tubes years ago, like in my 20’s. Are there that many men, around my age interested in never having children? Then again who say’s I’ll fall for some guy; I could find the woman of my dreams in the distant future. I’d be more than happy with that so long as it isn’t a fix up from my sister or her wife. They just don’t have the same taste in women that I do.

Grumble, Whoops, Grumble

Alright, I’ll admit it. I was wrong. I was so wrong that my wrongness was celebrated with a little victory dance. Yes, I love my children. I’d love it if my children would play in traffic for a few but yes, I do in fact love them. You see my little incident with the rusty nail yesterday afternoon….Well it turned out to be a bit more serious than I initially decided it would be. Sure to most a nail through the le is a big deal, but it really isn’t! Just ask the headless guy! So fine it hurt more, I gave in and went to the clinic; today. A tetanus shot, antibiotic shot, and a hefty prescription later and I’m just peachy. A little blood poisoning, pfft. You know, before I went into the damn doctors only my leg hurt.
Now my arse, hip, shoulder, and leg hurt. This curing business; yeah not so much fun for the patient. The doctor, he say’s he’s feeling perfectly fine. I almost kicked him. Nothing like showing a guy a little leg and having the first words out of his mouth be, “Oh now I don’t like the looks of that!” Of course Mr. Funny Man has to then poke the swollen, red, so obviously painful area and asks, “Does that hurt?” I of course being the smart arse that I am dryly reply, “only when I cough.”

So he poked me again and said, “cough!” Oh there was much mumbling and grumbling about smart assed doctors and their not so funny ways. His assistant while really cute, (chocolate brown hair, really dark eyes, nice rack, cute ass.) was way too happy to offer to help me out of my pants. Yeah so if I hadn’t have been in pain…Maybe I’ll go back with a slight cough one day. Actually both she and the doctor were really good looking. Freakishly so. I kind of looked around and felt like that singing ‘can you tell which thing just doesn’t belong.’ Alas before I could break into song my phone rang, it was for the doctor. My son’s father, whom knew I was there called and asked to speak to the doctor. So TC and Mr. Funny Doctor Man carry on a conversation while I sit on my arse and think about hitting on the assistant in return, cause really what else was there to do? The doctor hands me back my phone and is laughing his fool head off. The assistant shrugs and adds in so helpfully, “I think you broke him.” Me? I just really want to go home now.

I finally get the hell out of the loony bin and head home with the intent to maim and possibly abuse all those that bitched at me to go to the doctors. I didn’t get to do any of that though; there was still stuff to clean up in the back yard before I drove to Pickering. I did however whallop my son, with a bag of peat moss. I feel much better now. As it turned out is was an amazing day. It hit 22° C and the neighbors helped us clean up. We all sat around chatting and playing with the 4 dogs and just enjoying one another’s company. Oh and for those of you looking for the new Pokemon games, Diamond and Pearl; Zeller’s has them. $44.95 CDN each.

So how was your day?

Day's Almost End

6:26 PM
The first job might have been finished at one o'clock but that certainly didn't mean that I was finished for the day. The joy of working honest jobs is that you often have to work more than one of them to make all the payments for the sporting events. Today was the day that we had to stock back up on football gear. And they say women’s undergarments are expensive, sure they can be but Under Armour gear beats even women’s lace bras. I'm thinking at this rate I'm going to buy stock in both Under Armour and Nike. At least it's done and he's not going to be skidding around in his old Land Sharks with the worn down soles.

By the time I made it home the dumpster had been delivered and thus began the next round of hard labor. The deck has been ripped apart and we've actually filled half of the dumpster. The shed will come down tomorrow and then the real work will begin. I'm not sure how well I'll be standing by the time it's all said and done. I screwed up and had an eight foot board bounce back, nails and all. My shin is killing me, and TQM is bitching that I need to go in for a tetanus shot. I'm thinking no. The emergency room on a Saturday evening is not the place I want to be. Why can't Costco just sell them, they sell everything else!


Dock Rock Therapy
If sweating to the oldies works for you, do it. Whatever it is that sets your mind at ease, and uplifts your spirit; if in the process you are able to get into a bit better shape as well, then good for you. Seriously, do whatever it is that makes you feel at the top of your game. My time is usually best served in the company of those I can be myself with and not have to curb a single word out of my mouth. They know me and accept me, faults, accomplishments and all. I have that kind of thing with Alley. She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever come across. It never fails to put me in the best mood the minute she say’s “Hello.” I wasn’t sure how this day was going to play out 45 minutes ago, right now I can say it’s going to be a fantastic day. Thanks for that Alley! You know if you were Bi, I'd so hit on you. Damn straight girl.

Alright now enough of that mushy stuff, and get back to work. If only I could figure out just what I am supposed to be working on. Memberships, membership cards, 12 visit membership cards! Yeah I so completely rock!

PS: It's a tampon. There's really only one correct use for it. Why are you charging me fee's that rival those of the pen designed for NASA? I don't need anything 'braided' near my crotch, I don't give two flying figs if it's pearl, neon blue, or a moody black. Make it absorbant and then leave me and my crotch alone. Thanks.

Ouch

The cramps are at an all time high today and I’m not sure why. Not even remotely close, so would whoever is out there overlooking the entire ovary cramp thing take 5 and chill. Come back in another week? Ah hell, why not make it 3 and just take some time for yourself. I hate to see such an important deity overworked.

Poor Manners

His humor, it isn’t my humor. When I call to speak to another, that is anyone but him; he likes to play, “they’re not here. I’m not handing over the phone. I can do whatever I want and if you don’t like it I’ll hang up. If I don’t get my own way I’ll pout and behave like a complete grouch for the next three days.” I hate calling the house when I know he’s there. If I’m calling, it’s because I’m at work. That would mean I don’t have time to fuck around on the phone, so when I ask to speak to my minor child, put said child on the fucking phone and shut the hell up asshole!

Oh, I feel better now.

Taking A Stand

In the face of injustice and cruelty he did just that. There are many reasons I can state clearly that I am in fact so very proud of my children. Today however stands out as something that goes beyond simple pride and showed me that he has a greatness within him that is going to change the world. I am in awe of my children.

Win, Loose, or Draw...

...It's all in how you document the ride.

"Have fun out there girls."
.
.
.
We trumped those car jacking law breakers!

The other team were a bunch of car jackers?
They don't even have licenses's, and that one
girl; if she was even pushing 4 feet tall that
would have been a miracle; and umm; we
did in fact loose.

Hey you remember the game your way and
I'll remember it mine!

Sighs

I was wrong. I know that. Lots of times we don't know what right or wrong is, but lots of times we do, and damn... this is one. I may not have had malicious intent at the outset, but there were plenty of opportunities for me to make it right. Very few people these days take responsibility for anything any more, we bluster, we obfuscate, we misdirect, we rationalize. "Everybody does it", that's what we say. So we come to occupy a moral safe house where everyone's to blame, so no one's guilty. Well today I was flat out wrong and to compound my vast levels of wrongness I fell flat on my face. I however did not lie there, I've gotten back up and I'm getting back in the damn game come hellions or high water!

Spoiled Rotten

Treats are just for children. We dropped a few treats to three of our favorite furry kids today. They paid us the biggest compliment in the world… There was utter silence as all three gnawed away on their bones. We’ll see how long the ‘indestructible’ bones last, but in the mean time I have three very happy furry kids, and two very, very happy parents.

Spit On This

Yes be a dear and spit on this would you dear? There are so many requests that are made throughout a work day that I can scarcely remember them. That last one however, well there is this image of my spit in her belly button that is really sticking out.

Holy Hannah

Now there are many things I am comfortable with, yes this includes my weight gain from time to time. I am not however comfortable with noticing such a drastic increase in weight gain only to understand that this occurred in a relatively short time and the only reason for such an increase is that I had to have been reaching for comfort foods instead of facing reality. Never a good thing. That isn’t the person I wish to be nor is it a healthy way to go through life.

I need to come first again.

Insecticide

My 'boss', club owner that is. She's not really the boss of much inside or outside of work to be blunt. So she standing in the office saying, "blah blah blah" something so-cally important and I'm glancing at her out of the corner of my eye. I can't take much more. I'm going to take my shoe off any minute and just beat her to death with it. Then it hits me. I turn around and start flicking the light switch on and off and on and off, and she's getting all twitchy, so I flick the lights on and leave them on and she scurry's away. I was right all along. She really is a cockroach.

To The Dogs

It’s what the day had gone to and in the best possible of ways. I had fun, the children had fun and then some, and the dogs; they are now passed out cold. That is a sure fire way to know they had fun.

Nervous

I haven’t spent any time with these people, at least not in the past 10 years. I don’t really know them anymore. They don’t really know me either. Are they just as nervous, or is it just me? Just because we happened to share a last name for a time doesn't actually make us "family".

Good Friday, Goodness

Not being a Christian I am of course not doing anything of great importance today. At least not what many would consider important. I happen to believe that I am doing something far more important than going to service, or preparing for a large dinner in his honor. No, I have the distinct pleasure of spending some extreme quality time with my children, whom at this moment are proving to be rather surprising. Teens, teens whom are related, are in fact getting along. Their laughter, kind treatment of one another, and politeness that I have always known was there, however hidden, is shining through. I'm not certain how long it will last so I am being careful not to interrupt it in the slightest.

Later I'm dressing like a nun and going bar hopping.

Sleepy For A While

I was set to close my eyes and drift into the place between sleep and wakefulness, that beautiful place where everything is soft and just slightly out of focus. I tend to enjoy that momentary place of peace before I become dead to the world. It didn't work out like that though. Just as I entered into the realm of bliss I was shoved out of it with jarring clarity as the phone rang sharply beside my ear. It was time to get on the road and join the other million holiday travelers. Joy. To my surprise it ended up being a pretty fast road. The winds were hell in truth but I managed just fine. By nine thirty we were back and the laughter and lightheartedness seemed to seep out of every pore as we chatted and caught up with the past weeks events. For once I wasn't bitter about being pulled from my bed.

Hesitant

The trust isn't there like it should be. We take cautious steps back and forth in a dance that often times resembles a tango, while other's it's a complex fox trot that leaves us breathless and spent. I prefer the tango of course, but with each new step we take there is always something different and hesitant. Will we ever learn to move with that fluid grace that comes from two people whom completely trust not only each other but themselves as well?

Hi, I'm....

I like long walks on short beaches, the word coco butter, and men in uniform. I really like when the uniform is tossed on the floor without the man in it. I’m an gregarious introvert with poor punctuation and a sarcastic streak a mile wide. (Yes we know, we know, much like your Johnson.)

I had a plan. It was a good plan, a plan with arrows and graphs, and a happy face in the corner. There would have even been a moment or two for four part harmony…Well guess what? That plan of mine, the brilliant one? Yeah, it went up in flames and came down with me leaving and the ‘new girl’ moving in. Seven years, maybe we itched, I’m not sure of anything at the moment. We floundered, I got fed up and said what neither wanted to say. Love? Yes. But it isn’t always enough. I want and deserve more. Respect being a key term. That isn’t true either, I don’t want the ‘key term’ I want the practice application of the term and it’s full meaning. I am not worthless, nor am I a slut or a whore. I just play those on TV. We never had any children together. Small mercies
indeed.


I'm 33, I've got two children. One boy, one girl, 15 and 13; yes I can do the math too. I'm single again, and to be honest…I really like it. Okay I need to find a well hung 21 year old and get off every other night but that’ll come, like me; in time. S/he will have to be okay with tattoo's and body piercings. Technically, I’m still married. In Canada you have to be separated for a full year before filing for divorce. We’ve been living apart, with he in the US and me, not, since June of 2006. I asked for a divorce in January/February 2007. He screamed and yell about what a heartless bitch I was at 4:00am a week or so later via my cell phone. I listened, I waited until he was calm-er and did my level best to offer support. He was hurting. I get that. April 4, she became a permanent part of his life. I wish them well. Yes, really.


I know I’m happy for them, but I also think I’m a little numb. I was asked out on a date the other day, I responded with, “That isn’t possible, I’m still married.” Weird response; for a woman whom never really believed in marriage in the first place. I’m quirky like that. I love animals, some of them I like cooked. I do animal rescue in my off time. I work in a holistic center/gym, sometimes I want to throw crystals at people. I think people are basically good, but many are just really to dumb for words…(ouch the psycho-therapist here pinched me for that comment. Aversion therapy anyone?) She doesn’t like it when I call her clients, “crazy”, nor does she like it when I use “What about Bob” s a point of reference and whisper “baby steps” to her. We’re friends.


I had a student loan. Canadian Bonded Credits found me amusing and called me all the time. I paid off my student loan in full. I’m broke, and now I call Canadian Bonded Credits just to make sure they’re doing okay. My collection agent just had her 30th birthday. Her mom say’s “hi”. I have credit card, it’s paid off too, for now. I can’t make any promises in the future, see when I get my money other people get theirs. It’s the system, it sometimes works. I really like pie. Roy Orbison’s wife isn’t dead, she’s in hiding because her husbands voice was so bad. The Axe product line is... okay, I prefer the way Versace smells on my son though. My daughter thinks pink should be banned from every store. I once bought her a pink shirt and she said, “I know where you sleep.” I’ve never bought her pink again. She’s amazing. She plays basketball and pushes her brother’s buttons better than anyone I know. He plays football and pushes her buttons better than anyone I know.

She lives with me. He lives with his dad now, and I get him every weekend. His dad and I are best friends. He’s a good man, horrible cook, and can sleep like the dead through anything. He thinks I’m the strong one, I think he’s the good soul. His wife hates us both.

Alright that’s shall be enough for today. A little mystery in a relationship is good, plus I don’t want to write any more. I want a coffee and some chocolate, so I’m having hot tea and a power bar. Help!

But You Promised

Many years ago Indian braves would go away in solitude to prepare for manhood. One hiked
into a beautiful valley, green with trees and bright with flowers. There as he looked up at
the surrounding mountains, he noticed a rugged peak capped with dazzling snow.
"I will test myself against that mountain," he thought. He put on his buffalo hide shirt, threw his blanket over his shoulders, and set off to climb the pinnacle. When he reached the top, he stood on the rim of the world. He could see forever, and his heart swelled with pride.
Then he heard a rustle at his feet. Looking down, he saw a snake. Before he could move, the snake
spoke. "I am about to die," said the snake. "It is too cold up here and there is no food. Put me under your coat and take me down to the valley."

"No," said the youth.

"I know your kind. You are a rattle snake. If I pick you up, you will bite me, and your bite will kill me." "Not so," said the snake. "I will treat you differently. If you do this for me, I will not harm you." The youth resisted awhile, but this was a very persuasive snake. At last the youth tucked the snake under his coat and carried it down to the valley. There he laid it down gently.

Suddenly the snake coiled, rattled, leaped, and bit him on the leg. "But you promised," cried the youth! "You knew what I was when you picked me up," said the snake as it slithered away.
- As Told By Iron Eyes Cody


Yes, I knew better. Seven years is a long time to waste on something you knew wouldn't work
out in the long run. It was sheer stubbornness on my part and thanks to it I'm having to face
the reality now. Let me just tell you, the reality of a long awaited divorce may be sweet, but it is
expensive! Momma always said we pay for our mistakes, one way or another; we pay.

Shhh

I’ve made it until this very moment. It was peaceful, relaxing, and now the silence is deafening, and the stillness; oppressive. Whimsy will return with a smile and happy chatter and I’ll smile. She’s like that, always a kind word or a funny quote. Shared moments are a large part of our fabric and laughter.