Set it all on fire and begin again. My personal views and methods on how to life a carefree happy life.
It should be noted that by “methods” I mean “shit I've done with relative success,” and by “success” I mean “without loss of life.” Mine or anyone elses. For those of you clinging to the notion, that none of this is particularly fascinating or even remotely noteworthy. A: You're still reading! B: I also run with scissors so anything can happen. And C: Since when is not dying even one time in my entire life not a big deal?
Every year, on my birthday I reevaluate my life's path. I look at all that I've done, all that I've seen, and all that I've yet to do. I remind myself that being nicer to others is a good start, thus I vow not to punch the stupid people. I'm proud of myself for something like a week, and every year, without fail, I regret ever having thought it. It’s a stretch goal, but I aim for difficult targets because I’m brave. I also enjoy a challange.
Growing up without stability in my childhood home, possibly has something to do with my dislike of bullshit. Stability in many forms has always eluded me. It eluded me still after becoming a mother, but in this life I now share with my daughter and my pack, the organized chaos has become a familiar and welcome presence. When I was far younger stability was only seen as being financially set with a husband who'd adore me. It was a concept my mother had deemed most important to ones social status.
And as mother has always taught us, social status was key. After that it was being thin, beautiful, well dressed, and with money in the bank. Affluent would be a status she'd be proud of. Well that and being thin. She hated my being fat. It absolutely appalled her when I gained weight. Thus we went on our first diet together when I was 7. 800 calories a day and not a calorie more! As you can imagine before I truly hit puberty my metabolism was fucked. I've reread all my old journals from back then shaking my head and laughing equally at my 7 year old selfs ability to write out my caloric intake and drawing pictures of the foods I could eat.
Being firmly rooted both physically and mentally was also something we were taught. It was never something I wanted though. Not like so many others did.
I’ve always believed that home is where your heart is. And that stability isn’t about remaining unchanged. It’s more about not allowing temporary but intense emotions and thoughts to dictate your actions or views. It is also about staying true to yourself and not falling prey to self destructive behaviours. Learning to carry the often overwhelming burden of grief, sadness, and disappointment without letting it define you came as second nature.
Its a trait that has served me well. So thanks crazy childhood for that little gem. Mental stability is all about not losing your motherfucking shit when life throws you a curve ball. It's an important trait to have when dealing with the public at large or an asshole DM who thinks she's a god. Since running away at an early age and being my own parent, I’ve had kids, moved to a new country, buried all my grandparent's, gotten married, buried a mother in law, travelled all over the globe, moved more times than not, and left it all behind without ever looking back.
Not a fucking regret to be had.
Although I have not been rooted in one place physically, I am always at home because of Esme, GQ, and my pack. I am with my chosen family. My belief then and now when it all becomes too overwhelming remains: Tree bad, fire pretty! In other words, "If you’re lost in the woods, burn it all down." It might not be easy, but it is damn effective. Well thathat and laugh at everything; including yourself! Laugh at the good times, the bad times, the fun times, the hard times, the glad times and the sad times alike. That's right, yes there are times to be serious but not all the fucking time.
Landing on my feet is one of my main skills. I know that even when landing knee deep in the muck and mire, I'm still standing. It's one of my about eight or nine major skills. Humility aside, eight and nine might be high numbers so, yes, I’m a person of many talents, but I still like to be low key about it. Humor is my candy of choice. Laughter and hugs cure more than penicillin or hospitals. Seeing the good in everything, even if not in everyone; is also pretty damn valuable.
Know or finding your passion, is a sheer thing of beauty. Be passionate about what you do. From great to small, add your own flare to it and embrace the little lessons that pop up along the way. Find and stay truly loyal to at least one friend who makes no qualms about cheering you on and just as importantly calls you out on your bullshit. That one friend who won't say, “Yes, yes, you’re right. Of course you should do it all.” But will instead, give you a lot of hard stares and say something about how on a previous ocassion or two you ended up on the floor praying to Oden to please take you to Valhalla because you're so fucking done with this fucking shit.
Don't bother gloating or assuring yourself that this time, things will be different, or that you've got it all figured out. That kind of pride will get in your way. Failures are just different ways to learn. Be it about a situation, a person, a method, or yourself. Taking those failures for granted are ever so foolish. In the midst of feeling strong, flexable, and agile I tripped going up the stairs. Thankfully the large glass of water I was holding came up at me with equal force as that of my fumbling forward and hit my face like a cold shower. The cold water splashing me made me feel rather awake and refreshed as I lay groaning on the landing.
Life is like that sometimes. You have to stop, gain your bearings and focus on sorting out your next steps with the newfound knowledge you've gained. Should you feel boxed in, lost in all of the mental baggage you've accumulated to fill the empty spaces of your mind, heart and soul. Stop, take a breath and go back to that one pure place in your heart where everything made sense. Should that still be too confusing remember; if you’re lost in the woods, burn it down. Instead of looking for ways to save everything, leave it all behind.
I've learned: Decluttering an entire life requires more than a handful of days. It isn't ever just a physical clearing. No matter how much you wanted it to be anything but, the process wI'll be a steel-edged emotional purge. Freedom and loss. The loss will bring saddness, discomfort, and yes heartache. Remembering not to stay mired in desire for what no longer remains in your life.
If your lost I the woods and you cannot find your way; burn it all down.
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