2. I have three dress styles now. Work, sleep, & homeless apparel. I used to be a fashionista.
3. I often have a hard time taking things seriously. Like Donald Trump, or jail time.
4. I don't have a partner but I own enough men's boxer briefs and boxers that I should probably tell people I'm married.
5. You are my first. Really.
6. Never mind the kid behind the curtain, or the menagerie of animals. I found them all at a Kensington Market. Who doesn't love a sale?
7. Everyone likes telling me about their problems like I can fix them.
8. I've been on 3 dates in the last 6 months. My dog hated them all thus they aren't with us any longer....umm I mean here.
9. "Oh captain my captain!"
10. I had a crush on this guy until he started using the term "morals" a lot.
11. I watched a woman give birth at home one time. It was much cooler when I did.
12. I lived in Texas. I owned many guns. Ontario won't let me have one...something about not shooting people I feel deserve it.
13. My ex is one of my best friends. He's an amazing father...the government lets him have a gun. :/
14. I was never married to the father of my children.
15. My name means "Beautiful sassy bitch". Or something close.
16. I have a 10 yr old Betta fish. He's not as peppy as he once was.
17. Life is terribly beautiful.
18. I met Joseph 2 months ago and he is the most beautiful soul I've ever encountered that wasn't residing in one of my kids or a dog.
19. I woke up this morning rolled over took a sip of wine. I noted it was 4:30am thus ok.
20. I love talking to total strangers.
21. I don't like people as much as society thinks is normal. 90% of humanity...isn't.
22. At any given moment I am ready to grab my go-bag, dogs and just vanish.
23. I've worked more jobs than I can count. If I get bored or it stops being fun I have no problem quitting. I'm apparently ok with being poor.
24. I've only been fired once... after punching my boss in the throat.
25. I'm a very sensitive human being who likes to hide her sensitivity with a thick candy shell of hard ass!
26. I collect tickets. I should stop that.
27. I have a thing for Angelina Jolie. I'd like to show it to her some time.
28. One time I woke up in Buffalo.
29. I've been in two major car accidents that should have killed me. Neither were my fault so sayeth the law.
30. I love the ocean.
31. I am fairly certain I'll die single surrounded by dogs.
32. I'm not a Democrat! I'm an animal loving tree hugger.
33. I'm currently owed 248 spankings ... and that's just from Billy Graham.
34. All my exes live in Texas. Except for the one in Ontario and I think there is one in California ... Amsterdam... The People's Republic of China ...
35. I don't speak Spanish, but I know when you are calling me a stupid white bitch!
36. I fell asleep on Venice beach for 3 hours. I woke up to gunfire and a lovely riot.
37. I like that Puddle of Mud song.
38. I pay my rent by EMT...always a week early. It's important my dogs have a home.
39. I'm 43 years old.
40. Grandpa once told me I could do anything I want. Mom was pissed!
41. Sometimes when I walk, I hear,"The Bitch is Back".
42. I have absence seizures. Like 100 a day.
43. I protested outside of the Bush families Crawford ranch.
44. I drink more coffee daily then a small nation consumes.
45. I don't like indiscriminate sex.
46. I budget like it's the apocalypse.
47. In a zombie apocalypse my daughter and I will do just fine. The slow bitch two doors down...bwhahah we'll miss her.
48. I enjoy long walks through dark alleys in the 6.
49. I was a cheerleader. I didn't marry my high school sweetheart but we had kids out of wedlock.
50. Do you think I really need drugs?
51. I have owned nearly 1000 rodents in my lifetime...And then all the other ones that showed up just to party.
52. I have black brown eyes. Sometimes they are red in pictures. People say this is common when you have no soul.
53. I'm livin' in a box. But it's a box with running water.
54. tiān líng líng, dì líng líng.
55. I love to look at, but hate wearing high heels.
56. I work more than I sleep.
57. I've been single for almost 10 years
58. Bad girl, drunk by nine... amateur.
59. My mom said I'd blossom into a beautiful and successful preschool teacher. We're still waiting.
60. I'm the only redhead in my family.... yeah I *know*
61. I LOVE to drive. I must refrain from doing so thanks to these stupid seizures.
62. My ex husband said I reminded him of a combination of Annabeth Nass, Ouiser Boudreaux and Max from two broke girls. So basically he was calling me a sarcastic, gun happy, big breasted belle bitch. I was flattered! ROLL TIDE!
63. I know every exit that has a McDonald's between Texas and Toronto.
64. I love Stevie Ray Vaughan. I love Kenny Wayne Shepherd . I love Jimmy Buffett.
65. One time I pissed my dad off so much he told me I wasn't his daughter. I responded with, "Thank the gods!!" I was 14.
66. I'll be taking these tampons and whatever cash you got.
67. My mother is a shout talker. So I speak to her very quietly and in latin.
68. I love all animals, except cockroaches. I respect them, but really dislike them.
69. I drink more coffee than the people of Colombia.
70. You couldn't handle me.
71. The term "It is what it is" makes me want to fucking scream.
72. I myself am strange and unusual ... if I saw sheets with no feet and they turned out to be Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin, I'd scream Beetlejuice till we Shook it like Senora.
73. Mangoes are food from the gods.
74. If you are actually reading these, I'll tell you a secret in a minute.
75. My nails are green, sparkly, black, and white. I'm a trend setter.
76. A few of my toes are pink.... Hmm ... OH GOD NO.
77. At times my referrers make me want to poke out my eyes, with stuff like "old ladies having sex with black men", I feel like I can't possibly give this nitpicky public what it is that they want.
78. I want a ranch so Tieg and I can rescue and rehab dogs forever.
79. People tell me I scare them when I'm quiet.
80. I invented the pizza with dill pickles....yeah it didn't catch on
81. People either love me or hate me. For most its the latter.
82. I used to have really big hair and even bigger hats. Sometimes I miss it.
83. I have been waiting for a massage for over a year now.
84. The Secret is: I am still married I just have no clue where the hell he is, nor do I care.
85. Men love being forward with me. It's funner than bocci ball.
86. Since becoming a mother, I have found little use for cleavage glitter.
87. I hate bras but look ridiculous without one.
88. When we play cowboys and indians, I like to be GI Jade and I kill everyone.
89. If you find that offensive, know that I care little to nothing about what you think.
90. My purse weighs at least 20 pounds.
91. I love The Golden Girls. I aspire to be just like Sophia, without the dead bodies and Sicilian Curses.
92. Someone once told me I was the least judgemental person they'd ever met. I'm still giggling about that.
93. I have kept every journal I;ve written since grade school. They came in handy when I lost my memory after a car accident.
94. None of my family knows that I lost my memory. I haven't seen them in years.
95. When I came too after my accident the only people I remotely remembered were my kids. My husband was pissed!
96. One time I passed a burning compound in Waco. I wish I'd taken pictures.
97. I'm apparently older than I look.
98. Excuse me, I haven't had full nights sleep in a year.
99. I actually love my kids more than anything, including animals. Don't tell anyone though.
100. If my dog doesn't like you we'll never work.
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