Fare Thee Well 2019

While reflection is never a once a year event, the end of year is often a good time to take stock of both lessons learned to be certain; I however also like to delve into the good that occured over the year.  Not just in my personal life but the world over if you will.  I try to embrace that goodness and positivity and draw that hope forward with me into the new year.  For with the trials and tribulations that surround us in this world it can become far too easy to overlook or loose sight if you will; of all the good that reaches up through the darkness to remind us that humanity is not yet lost and that hope is always there whispering to us in a myriad of forms.

As this year comes to a close, if you're feeling a tad exhausted, know that you're not alone.  The world over we have all been busy.  Many days it has felt as if we aren't bullying one another online, we're shooting one another offline.  It is as though an unending barrage of summits, crises, and protests have dominated our news feeds and lives all the while the flat earth believers, climate crisis naysayers, and one large orange cheeto would have us believe it's all "fake news".  Wherever your belief system lays on the fake news front, there have been some notable event, both for the good and the bad.

In 2019 protesters in Hong Kong clashed with police, fire consumed an 850-year-old cathedral in Paris, the U.S. women’s soccer team won the World Cup as Megan kicked balls and President Donald Trump became the third president in U.S. history to be impeached.  Felicity Huffman reminded us yet again that fame isn't everything, and that an earned education is the only way to go.   China followed in Ozzy's footsteps and landed on the dark side of the moon.  Grumpy Cat died.  In August the earth's lungs coughed up smoke, and we tree huggers wept as the fires raged in the Amazon Basin.  While the smoke sadly didn't choke out Jair Bolsonaro, we could cheer on Jessica Meir and Christina Koch in October as they took "girl power" all the way to the moon for the first ever all-woman space walk.  The Donald made history as the first sitting U.S president to set foot in North Korea but let's be honest we were all more focused on Dennis The Worm Rodman.  He can get emotional.

The photo of the father and daughter from El Salvador who drowned trying to cross the Rio Grande in April symbolized a U.S. asylum process in crisis.  Tensions flared in the Persian Gulf, Macedonia changed it's name to North Macedonia, a white supremacist live-streamed his attack on a mosque in Christchurch, New Zealand, that left fifty-one people dead and yes facebook let the video stream for an hour.  Likes and follows still seem to plague us, while violence is acceptable so long as there aren't any women's naked nipples visible in the post.  Unfortunately breed bans still plague us and have attempted to extend to control over women's reproductive rights.  However women, old and young alike have come together; stood shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip to push back.  Reminding those foolish enough to test our willingness to set aside our differences and stand together.  May we know those women, may we raise those women, may we be those women.

 Our 93 year old Queen Elizabeth II may not be telling us what's in her little handbags but she did one up the Kardashians when she gave faux fur the thumbs up.  Opting to wear faux fur for any events where her warmth will be in question, it is a big long awaited step.  Swiss design graduate Luisa Kahlfeldt has designed an award-winning "Sumo" nappy, made entirely of a fabric composed of seaweed and eucalyptus.  The Gram got an unpaid lifeguard in Ingebjørg Blindheim who like many of us uses Instagram all the time—but not for the selfie game.  The 22-year-old monitors the hidden corners of the social media platform, currently keeping track of around 450 private Instagram accounts. When she feels someone may be close to taking their life, the 22-year-old Norwegian alerts emergency services.

Marsai Martin is 14, outstanding, and she's Hollywood's youngest executive film producer, period.  Missy Elliot made it into the songwriters hall of fame, the only woman rapper btw and it's about damn time. Youth-Led Climate Activism went Global: Johannesburg. Stuttgart. Manila. Seoul. Hundreds more worldwide.  Sparked into action by 16-year-old climate activist Greta Thurnberg, the youths around the world walked out of school in May in protest of climate change.  It made headlines and some grown men thump upon their hollow chests to taunt and bully Gretta and many others from behind their keyboards.  Hunky Jason Momoa stood tall and truly manly before the UN refusing to cower behind a keyboard attacking children, he also admitted that his favourite colour is pink.  Neither of which seemed to come under significant attack by keyboard warriors.

Lizzo Released Her First Album and Rocked a flute, while reminding us that living our dreams and reaching success may not be easy, but it can be damn inspiring.  In Toronto we changed the narrative, opening the first mosque for women.  Our Raptors apparently shocked the world by winning their first NBA championship; and We The North became a universal chant...or maybe that's just wishful thinking.  A freakishly wet spring pushes Lake Ontario water levels above those that closed the Toronto Islands in 2017.  Welcome to the new normal in climate change.  The National Inquiry into Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls releases its long-awaited findings and concludes what most Canadians already knew – that Canada continues to engage in “race-based genocide” against the country’s original inhabitants.  The only question left is: what’s Canada going to do about it?

While it's not all sunshine and daisies, fewer of us had a cow this year; embracing more plant based meals.  Those lovely humps (not lady lumps) are back up from only hundreds in the 80's to over 25,000 and Galapagos conservationists found a living member of a giant tortoise species previously thought to be extinct. An Auschwitz survivor celebrated her 104th birthday with 400 of her descendants, and I can't think of a better F.U to nazi's the world over. One circus swapped real animals for holographic ones. Roman McConn of Augusta, Georgia, who at 7 years old won ASPCA award for rescuing more than 1,300 dogs from high-kill shelters. Social worker Alan Naiman lived an incredibly frugal life. He was so frugal, in fact, that Naiman managed to amass a wealth of $11 million, which he promptly donated to children’s charities upon his death. The beautiful brain of biochemist Camille Schrier made a splash with her science experiment during the Miss Virginia competition that brought home the crown.

Whilst I was drinking wine and applauding that hot brainy crown wearing chick. Mera, the 45-pound Tibetan mastiff and Himalayan sheepdog mix completed a grueling hike up a Himalayan mountain with a group of climbers. The interesting thing was that the dog had seemingly come out of nowhere. Much like my second glass of wine. Go Mera! Gary Sinise and his foundation treated 1,000 kids of fallen military heroes to the trip of a lifetime as he had done each year since founded.

2019 reminded and retaught me of the importance of unconditional love, self acceptance, health is wealth, and to continue to strive for inner peace.  I've had my ups and downs with it all to be sure, yet hope springs eternal; as do the lessons I've not quite yet mastered.  Unlike others, I have not suffered the effects of empty nest syndrome.  I see my adult children growing stronger, bolder, and more independant in all of their choices and freedoms.  I can do nothing but applaud them in their actions.  Their resilience, strength, compassion, and drive often times rivals my own and I could not be happier for it.  It is what I have always desired for them.  Be better, do better, choose better than I.

This year I was also reminded of some good old adages:
01: Productivity before 9:00 AM is a game changer for me.
02: The right thing is easy to do when ego is removed from the equation.
03: Happiness is a choice.
04: Know your worth and understanding it.
05: Stop giving out discounts on your life.
06: Seek knowledge before you make your decisions, not after.
07: Not everyone will travel the entire mile with you.
08: Remove toxic people from your life.
09: Never give up your voice, or allow another to speak for you.
10: I can love you from afar, I can love you without liking who you are.
11: Say something kind, but make it truthful.
12: Communication is ever and always key.
13: Unplug from social media to gain better perspective.
14: Hear your opposition's point of view.
15: Know your core values and accept that morality is subjective.
16: Leave the planet a better place than when you entered it.
17: Put in an actual effort to be less of an asshole. (working on it)
18: Triage it.
19: Always rescue.
20: Find your passion, go after it with gusto.
21: Be brave enough to suck at something new.
22: Laugh.  Seriously, laugh often, loudly, and at yourself.
23: Reach out.
24: Look people in the eye.
25: Choose love.

So as we, or maybe just I walk into 2020 singing Better Life by Pink let's hold onto the good stuff and strive for so much more of it.

Adulthood

Do you remember when you were a kid, and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a skates for your birthday or if you'd get the most easter eggs during the hunt? Being an adult, it's totally overrated. I mean, seriously, don't be fooled by all the cute shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do.

Adulthood is responsibility.

Responsibility, it really does suck. Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. And if you're a parent, or a caregiver, holding another human's wellbeing in your hands... Hello! Talk about responsibility! Kind of makes bikes and chocolate eggs look really, really good, doesn't it? Somedays l wish l could go back and hold my children's hands again. The scariest part about responsibility? Is when you screw up and let it slip right through your fingers.

Lines

What is it about lines?

It's all about lines. The finish line at the end of the day. Waiting in line for a chance to kiss that person you wish would see you. And then there's the most important line, the line separating you from the people you work with. It doesn't help to get too familiar. To make friends. You need boundaries between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It's all about lines. Drawing lines in the sand and praying like hell no one crosses them.

l'm sure they're all very nice, but l'm very particular about who I let in. I swore he wasn't right. Why? He looked angry, he was quiet. No big smiles, no laughter. Where was his head at? Would he even be able to let me in? Everything in me screamed, no. Get in, get out. No smiling, no hugging, no letting him in. No hopes. Get in. Get out. Draw the lines, dance along it enjoy a moment or two and leave.

The problem with that is...

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines, lines that are intense. So, it's intense. The intensity makes you starry eyed, heart racing, rosy cheeked dumb. No self-control. lt's sad. Really.

Here however is what I know. If you're willing to take the chance the view from the other side is spectacular.

Holiday Cheer

Merry Christmas and Happy Yule to everyone who celebrates this holiday season, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa. Whatever you celebrate pertaining to your authority, be safe this season. To say everyone is going to have a wonderful holiday season is naive.  Be mindful and extend a supportive hand, show humility and compassion because adversity does not discriminate.

For more years than I can count, there have been many attempting to remind others that this is a season of loving and compassion.  It isn't about the gifts and greed that often accompanies all aspects of commercialism.  There's no time like the present to accept such knowledge into your heart.  I challenge all to preform one act of kindness.  One "pay it forward".  One honest to goodness, act of kindness.  If we each did just one of these things every day, maybe, just maybe our world would be a better place with far more hope than we currently have.

Love And Let Live

What I do in my house, you might not do in your house.

The truth of the matter is what people do behind closed doors is between them those four walls.  I embrace that if it is consensual, it's not my business.  Morality is subjective.  It took me a long time to accept that statement.  It is a truly hard pill to swallow when you allow ego to stand at the forefront.  I have found with all aspects of life that if one can take ego out of the equation, the answers become so very simple.  

It is your business not mine.  If you're of legal consenting ability, then what you do with your life is not my concern unless it directly impacts mine in a harmful manner, or if it destroys/harms another.  Again this "harmful direct impact" must not be ego based.  My discomfort or disagreeance with another's belief isn't actually harmful.  Just as what you think of me is not my business.    

I still like to think that the basics of, "be kind" is key.  Although I will be the first to admit that I have most certainly failed at this many times over.  So I try harder and surround myself with people who hold me to a higher standard.  Humans as a whole are quite quick to throw stones while their own closets are chock full of skeletons.  What is in the dark will always come to light, let karma do it’s job.  Sometimes what you say about people is only a self assassination and reflection of your character.  

Always be better than and greater than.

No Rest For The Wicked

No truer words were ever spoke.  House guests can be/are great.  Seeing those we haven't been allotted as much time with in the past as we'd have liked is wonderful, knowing they enjoy coming to stay and feel "at home" is also wonderful.  There are moments however when there happens to be one that tests your resolve.  Tries your patience, and makes that vein above your eye twitch.

Two days of them and I'm done.  Now let me preface with the fact that I am a night shift worker adjusting to being home and awake with my husband over the holidays.  It's a bit of a rough haul but worth it.  We are also rather quite for the most part.  We like laughter, and music, and are jokers to the core; however we do so without drama.  The guests have yet to manage that particular skill set.  Loud, disruptive (beyond what is expected) and as I am finding, demanding!

The guests seem to enjoy being up all hours of the night, and sleeping all day.  This would not be such an issue if we had more than one spare room.  A room that our one guest is using, while the other two have had to take up residence in the living room.  It's sofa city sweetheart.  Sofa's which remain occupied until 4 in the afternoon.  As such I enjoy sitting upon my bed all day, well between running back and forth making food that the guests then decide 10 minutes before the food is plated to leave and go get fast food.

Let me just reiterate, I.  Am.  Done.

In Her Story

She knew it was important to live for herself.  She crafted her story, so carefully.  It was well rounded with successes and failures.  Plot twists, quests for truth, justice, and honour.  Great moments of riotous laughter, silly antics, wonderous dreams; and maybe a dragon or two.  In her story, she survived it all.  She survived the eding, she even survived herself. 

She learned through her trials that you cannot give love to those who don't know what to do with it.  She learned the difference between and how to separate need from want, and the value of each.  It freed her of cumbersome trappings and taught her to value her own happiness.  Letting those whom chose to hurt her find their own path, not waiting for them to change.  Finally understanding that placing her values and needs first was not selfish but her own moral obligation.  She had to be her best self, for herself.  An assertive heroine who fought for and cherished something within herself so many others tried to kill.   

Trust Me

It's perfectly fine to fight for someone who loves you.  It's absolutely not okay to fight for someone to love you.  There's a huge difference. 

I see couples in public acting as though being together, being an actual team is the most difficult and trying thing in their lives.  How can you possibly state that you are in a relationship, let alone a loving relationship when it's so obvious to everyone around that you haven't an ounce of trust.  I cannot for the life of me imagine living day in and out with someone I didn't trust. 

Mine

I saw him.
I saw him in his completeness.
I saw his successes and his failures.
I saw him.
I refused to look away.

Swim With Me

I may not be a mermaid, but approach me with caution.  My mind swims at depths most would drown in.

Hell and Back

I've been through hell, more than once.  I've smiled and laughed in the face of true adversity.  My passage through hell wasn't easy, but it was necessary.  I've come through it all, not an angel, but stronger than you can imagine.

You cannot break me. 

You don't have that kind of power.

Level Up

If you want to grow you have to sit with winners.  You can’t grow from people that complain about everything and don’t take initiative to change their circumstances.  I am, and have been blessed to have such great influences and powerhouses that have guided, coached and continue to force me to grow. Don’t settle to be like everyone else, when you yourself know your better than basic.

Health is Wealth

What is it that you are wishing for this holiday season?  To my mind, the number one thing you should be asking, praying, and working for during this holiday season is your health.  Next to being surrounded by people that actually love you that is.  Without each our health, we have so little.  Just as we ave so very little without the necessary support system.

Support systems are as unique as we are.  Be they biological, adoptive or blended family, without them we are each often limited in what we can achieve.  Don't be so quick to be hung up upon the old standards of what "family" is.  Family after all is what you make of it, not what you are born into.  We are each often richer in family than we realize.  Look around and see the reality in the language of love.

Synonymously family and health can be used interchangeably. Ask for the things that count.

Carpe Diem

A couple hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. ''Never leave that till tomorrow, '' he said, ''which you can do today." This is the man who discovered electricity. You'd think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection.

Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true. That, by the time the pain of not doing a thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor. Metaphorically in any case. He who hesitates is lost, after all. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day.

Still, sometimes, we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. Lock the door. We have to learn our own lessons.  We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering. That waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.

Be A Beautiful Soul

Money does not impress me.  Show me more.  Show me your true character.  I can be very hard not only on others, but more so on myself.  Show me a beautiful soul.  For a beautiful soul speaks far louder, and rings clearer to me than your trinkets or wealth. 

A lonely castle is not a castle worth living in.

1 year & 7 months

One year and seven months ago I met a man who accepted my past, inspired my future, thus he has a confirmed seat in my presence.

Together he and I can accomplish anything.

End Game

The game. They say either a person has what it takes to play, or they don't. Still some try, knowing that they'll never be front runners in the game of life, but they do try. My mother thought she was one of those greats. She wasn't much of a team player, but she played. She taught me how to read people, how to duck and cover. She taught me how to be overly critical, not only of others but of myself as well. She taught me many things. How to be a great team player, wasn't one of them. So I....I was kinda screwed from the start.

Each of us starts out here on this 3rd rock from the sun; clueless but hopeful. Wanting in on the game. A the years pass we look back, remembering when we were the students in school being taught by teachers. Today, we are the teachers; be it through parenthood, career choices, or just being a leader of people in general. The fourteen years plus we spend in our chosen schooling paths, well they were  the best and worst of our lives. Still even at the end of "class" out here on the field of life we will be pushed to the breaking point. Look around you. Say hello to your competition, if competitors they be. Some of those around you will look for the easy way out. Others will crack under the pressure and head for the hills. Others still will be asked to leave the field of play. This is your starting line. This is your arena.

How well you play? That's up to you.

Like I said. I was kinda screwed. There comes a moment when it's more than just a game. And you either take that step forward, or turn around and walk away. I could quit. But here's the thing: I love the playing field. I found my team. My cheerleaders. My people. So. I made it through 25 years of teaching, although looking back now I believe they taught me more than I did them. I have found my people. We all have it would seem. My team, they're all good people, you'd like them. I think. I don't know. Maybe. I like them. I love them.

Oh, and while I once swore off love; I've changed my mind. I'm not going to run away or hide. I've built a life. It's not a fairytale. But it is home, you know?

I'm home.

Intimacy

Intimacy might not be a four letter word, but it is a four-syllable word for, ''Here are my heart and soul. Please grind them into hamburger and enjoy. '' It's both desired and feared, difficult to live with  and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to life's three R's: Relatives, romance and regrets. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know.

You are the first person they see in the morning. You say please. You say thank you. You apologize for waking them up. You make them feel good about you. Why is that important? 'Cause then they'll talk to you and tell you what's wrong. Why is that important? Because then you can tell them how you are what they need to know. And why is that important? Because if you can't communicate with the ones you love, you won't make it through the hard stuff.

I wish there were a rule book for intimacy. Some kind of a guide that could tell you when you've crossed the line. You don't want lose anyone like that. It would be nice if you could see it coming. And I don't know, be able to fit it on a map and plan it's route. You take intimacy where you can get it and keep it as long as you can.

And as for rules. Maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.

Balance

Opposites attract.  There's always one half that’s sensitive.  Wanting and aiming  to look at the good side of people.  The Mother Theresa approach to every situation.  Then there’s the other half, slightly more cutting.  A realest, like me that has absolutely no sympathy for snakes.  More often than not, objective over emotions.  “The mean one.”

Friends vs. Acquaintances

There are people you ride for and stay fiercely loyal to and there are absolute non factors. You treat em accordingly. To be friendly and to call someone a friend is two completed different things.

Aware Not Fearful

It’s rather unfortunate that 21 people were shot this weekend, on that same token perhaps humanity needs to change themselves. Anything can be utilized as a weapon, but without intent, it’s merely just an object. The media is a mirror of society, the culture and the lens it sees and fosters. Until people change their mindset and learn how to love this is exactly what we will see. Toronto is beautiful, be aware but don’t let these goons fear monger.

Like Seeks Like

Your not for everyone. Leaders, visionaries and strong people don’t generally have many friends, but when they do, they look like this. Quality over quantity.

Thank you

 

This was hard for me to accept as a young woman; I was convinced that no one knew what was best for me. This last decade of my life, and especially now as I start to see the rewards of years of planning, I am thankful to all those who pointed out my mistakes. I am thankful for your judgment and for telling me I was wrong, for being harsh and deliberate when showing me that I was wrong.

Behaviour, as it is, is mostly subconscious, the reasons for that behaviour are often invisible to our critical minds and the conflict between desire and emotions make it all harder still to see. It was when I embraced my own blindness, and allowed others to reflect who I really was that I saw myself properly, that I saw who I needed to be.

My only advice to you now, as I move into unknown territory is to heed the warnings the world of experience gives you. Take the "I told you so" moments seriously, they can teach you more than you expect. Make the most of criticism, take the most from rejection, stop thinking that you know better and life will make more sense.

Thanks furthermore, to my detractors, to my opposition; to those who made this journey challenging and difficult - you tested my character - and as I overcame the obstacles you placed in front of me that character became stronger.

Snip

 I cut people off with no hesitation.  No explanation and no warning if you do some phony shit or if I feel you can't be trusted.

Life is too short, and I'm getting too old to be associated with people who don't understand the concept of loyalty.

Can't trust Everybody.
Can't Love Everybody.
Can't Be Friends with Everybody.

Walk away with your truth

It’s better to be honest then hold resentment in your heart. You might not know what you want, but on hindsight you know what you don’t. Some people fall in love and some fall for the ideology of being in love, ultimately the truth will always find its way out. To like someone for a segment is possibly true but to fall out of it is just as true. It’s never what you walk away from, it’s what you walk away with.

Livin' The Dream

We live out our lives on the factory floor. Six days a week, eight hours a day. We're together more than we're apart. After a while the ways of work become the ways of life. Number one: always keep your paperwork in order. Number two: do whatever you can to outsmart the other guy. Number three? Don't make friends with the enemy. And number four: everything, everything is a competition. Whoever said that winning wasn't everything...never competed for what they really wanted. There's another way to survive this competition. A way that no one ever seems to tells you about. One you have to learn for yourself. Number five: it's not about the race at all. There are no winners or losers. Victories are counted by the number of days you lear work mentally, emotionally, and physically whole. And once in a while, if you're smart, you find another human being who understands and you make time for one another away from work.

Character

Integrity is doing the right thing behind close doors when no one else is watching. Never be impressed by the title, money and the clout but by the humility, integrity and kindness of ones character.

Keeping It Classy

There's nothing like feeling like your insides are going to explode with emotion.  The tightness in your chest, the prickling behind your eyes.  The bile rising in the back of your throat.  Now add to all that, your environment.  You are smack dab in the middle of work.  Oh there's just nothing more classy than crying at work.  That awesome moment when you just cannot hold the tears at bay any longer and yet the earth will not open up and just swallow you whole like you wished it would.

Yes.  Classy, indeed.

So there I was.  Just chock full of emotion and unable to bear the burden of it any longer.  I certainly wish that it had been somewhere that was, well else.  However it was not.  The straw that broke the camels proverbial back was in hind-sight pretty insignificant.  A simple FB comment on my husbands page.  It wasn't anything I wasn't fully aware of, nothing I hadn't politely chuckled at many, many times before.  It was just one more of those annoying little tid-bits that has piled up this week, well in truth over the last year.

From time to time, I feel as though I am surrounded by my husbands ex girlfriends.  The air becomes rank with them in one shape fashion or form, and it becomes tiring.  We all have exes.  I'm not even jealous in the slightest of them; nor do I doubt my husbands loyalty.  Not even for a second.  I just get tired of having to hear about the exploits.  I live in the here and now, my exes are just that.  My past, they are the ones who didn't make the cut.  No they are not all bad people, in fact most of them are fantastic people.  People I do consider friends.  But that is where I draw the line.  I don't speak on, or share my past sexual experiences.  To do so I feel would be utterly disrespectful to my husband and what we are building.  Should one of my exes try to joke about or share those private moments I would have no trouble saying, "you're being disrespectful, and I won't have it."

I don't feel the same is true.  Not where my feelings are concerned.  Though in introspection, I also feel that it is my smile and nod attitude that has also allowed it.  I try to take it all in stride.  We all share things from our own experiences, our reference points.  I don't happen to have the same experiences that he has had.  Some similar and yet so many vastly different.  Add to those facts that we live next door to one of his exes, the other tends to pop up with her drama out of the blue, and there are a good 5 or 6 that seem to pop in and out of his messenger.  He see's friendships and what I read them wanting is attention and more. 

I can go for a while where none of it bothers me at all, and then out of the blue I feel as though I'm in an unending loop of disrespect.  It hurts so deeply for  time, and then I seem to kick myself in the ass and decide to not spend any more time on my own pity-party of one!  I'll get there in another moment or two.  For the moment I require the cathartic joy of allowing my brain to barf upon this page and embrace the lightness that for me comes when I just get it out.

     

Sectarian

As the circle closes and we (I) weed out those that are, not friends I feel a sense of calm.  Brief though the moments are, I realize who was actual friend and who was not.  There were far too many whom smiled when things were going their way.  When gifts and wine flowed freely.  Now that the gifts and freebies have stopped, so have the smiles and kind words.  I much prefer this.  Honesty in all it's harsh glory is far better than false friendships. 

I like the quiet life.  There's a calm that is actually coming.  I know it may take time, but peace will also follow.

I Don't Post Well With Others

Things posted in the buy and sell:

Yep it’s pool season. Don’t be a twat and leave others to take care of your kids, it’s your job. Okay reminder for the stupid whom need reminding ... then again they probably shouldn’t have kids if they need that reminder. #truthhurts

 Second issue as I already posted on the original post... why is this listed in the buy and sell? The kid isn’t / shouldn’t be for sale (there are laws against that kinda thing) and there are no images of the pool so that can’t be for sale either.

 This might have been the “try to be more understanding/compassionate/kind” thing my husband was mentioning to me last night.

 I tried honey! But this shit just writes itself.

Now is this a sad event.  Of course it is.  99% of kids getting hurt is sad/scary for those that it effects.  I say effects as this does not affect me.  I do not know the child or family, he is okay, and noting about what happened to him changes anything in my life.  Does that make me cold and heartless?  That's up to individual opinion.  If what I post, think, or feel effects you intensely; you might want to look into that.

Of course people not embracing reality, realism, or having  a critical thinking brain got all kinds of mad.

 

As we can see the general consensus is that I am indeed a heartless, unfeeling bitch whom doesn't deserve to show my face. (Lest someone try and harm me as the implication stands.)  Once again these are opinions and I don't argue there validity.  What I did question is why such a thing is posted on a buy and sell page.  As it was posted on a buy and sell page with option to comment, I chose to comment.  Yes I take full responsibility in my choice to comment; knowing that most if not all would be angry.  I also chose to question the parents of the victim.  As the child is the victim not the adults here.

So let's all take a look at this on the whole of the original post.  A family and their kids are invited to a get together where there's a pool.  The pool is open to full use by those invited.  It is not stated if the home owners listed that kid caregiving is the sole responsibility of the parents, nor is it listed if there was a lifeguard on duty to monitor those in the pool. I can only assume from the original post wherein the mother states that the other adults in the pool, unlike she whom was not in the pool with her child, all must have thought he was playing as even she had when she looked in on him.  She also states that none of the other adults questioned his swimming abilities.

Now in the brief overview from a lengthy post, I see a number of issues with the parents decisions.  Not the child's or the other adults, and thus my taking issue and making a very dark humor joke about the post.  

1- Pool party/BBQ/Gathering of people.  Food, fun, possibly drinking.  You as the parent sit down to socialize, drink, eat, mind other children while neglecting to speak up or note to anyone in the pool that your kid cannot swim?  You also neglect to ask anyone in the pool if they can watch your child while you do XYZ... 

2- You now post all over FB that you just want to warn others to take care of their kind when around a pool.  (This is common knowledge as is your child being your responsibility.)  Those that are unaware of when they are supposed to take responsibility for their children, in my opinion should not have them in their care.

3- I take responsibility for what is mine to be responsible for.  Kids, dogs, cats, car, rent, work ethic, and yes the thoughts I choose to allow past my lips in a verbal display.  Unlike most others both those that posted, and those that commented I do not blame others for my own choices.  I am not sad, or angry at those whom chose to think horribly of me.  I am not seeing sympathy or even agreement.  I did hold others accountable for their choices, and therein lays the rub.  How dare I?  That's just cold and callous!   Personal accountability is a great and terrible thing.  Especially when someone else holds us to it.

These are just my thoughts.  Go have a few of your own. 

     

Sloth

sloth
 /slôTH,slōTH/

noun

1. reluctance to work or make an effort; laziness. "he should overcome his natural sloth and complacency" synonyms: laziness, idleness, indolence, slothfulness, inactivity, inertia, sluggishness, apathy, accidie, listlessness, lassitude, passivity, lethargy, languor, torpidity, slowness, heaviness, dullness, shiftlessness

This could not be more, me. today.  I've not on ounce of energy or gumption to do anything.  Seriously, if the house catches fire, just get my fur babies out.  Let me sleep and if I survive it's meant to be.  That is how mentally, physically, emotionally tired I am.  I cannot even get around to making a note to give a single fuck.  I don't even wan rum or vodka.  I'm just too tired.

I Sometimes Get Diarrhea Of The Brain

So yeah it’s been a hotlanta minute. Had a happy break and missing it already... I’m fairly disillusioned with humanity. Yes The Pirate and I had an actual conversation about me trying harder to care about people, or at least make an effort to try. In general I don’t. I see so many amazing humans that I actually want to see succeed and be happy and have goodness in their lives (which is why there are like less than 20 of you on my friends list or that I respond too. I see you and your compassion, your desire to do good. Thank you for that. ). The rest of humanity... I don’t hate. I honestly don’t feel anything for. Like your lives just don’t matter. I see your self entitled insanity and I just.... can’t. You lot are fucking exhausting.

So many amazing advancements In this world and none of them in the departments of humanity, compassion, betterment of the planet. We’re still trying to decide if racist behaviour, gender bias, human rights violations, homophobia, and animal cruelty are bad?

Seriously? It takes everything I am not to just stand and scream nonstop in an unending loop. We no longer know what is bad?

Ok morality is subjective. It is. No I don’t need your god or your advice. I need to continue allowing you to be you, me to be me; and if you try to hurt (mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually) me, mine, or the environment and those beautiful creatures in it I’ll shift my focus to you... and you won’t like it.

Don’t ask my opinion if you can’t handle it. I will not nod and smile in the face of idiocy not even if your family. For if good men do nothing, ‘‘tis evil enough.

I remember coming into FB not to yell at Markzucker Zuckerberg about freeing the nipple and being so damn gender biased that I want to puke.

I remember coming online to connect and catch up with people I don’t get to see too often and this is way cheaper than that long distance phone call.

I never once needed to check with FB on how to properly supervise my very active children, or if I should or shouldn’t vaccinate them. Those calls were up to me and not to be discussed with anyone but my health care provider. I didn’t require a status check on if it was too hot for my dogs to be in a car or that I shouldn’t feed them onions or chocolate. I didn’t have to hear about how I should spend my money, time, or energy. Or what/who I should or shouldn’t put into my Body as the decision was mine alone.

Never once needed to creep someone else’s posts. If I wanted to know how they felt I asked them. Good, bad, indifferent. Didn’t matter because it was how they felt and at the end of the day they’re entirely entitled to their feelings in the moment they are felt.

Never needed to have to block someone. I told them we weren’t friends and that was it. We went our separate ways and lived our lives and didn’t put on wigs or pretend to have different names or addresses to slink around and see what one another was up too.

I didn’t require going to my instagram or FB DMs to see a penis or 10; or to receive a compliment. If you have to private message a compliment... even if that comment Is “wow you are stunningly beautiful “ so as not to offend someone’s partner ... there’s something wrong.

I can happily say Mark, Jayne , Mist , John , Jess , Josie, Eve, Gill , Joey , Janice , Alison , Teri you’re beautiful, handsome amazing people and not for a second have to private message such as they and my awesome husband Scottie understands that it’s a compliment. And there’s nothing wrong with a genuine compliment. I appreciate the positive energy and compassion these people put out into the universe. I love that during some of my negative moments these beautiful souls show me there is goodness and light still out there even if I can’t see it in that moment.

I’ve tightened my circle greatly. Placing my energy where it is best served. My dogs are both nuts and the new one might end up being hairless ... he’s a hot mess with more issues than there are clouds... you know because “free to good home” is never free. The cat is a complete asshole but she’s our asshole and we love her.

My son is still my heart that beats outside of my body and my daughter is still my soul rendered visual. My ex and his family are still/always amazing fantastic people whom I love with all my heart. You all aided me in bring these fantastic kids into the world and even after or breakup you all held a place for me in your lives. That speaks volumes.

I hope your Saturday is filled with laughter and light. I’m going to feed to dogs and enjoy my farting oaf stink up the bathroom as I shower. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Up Too Long Unsupervised

Growing out ones hair is a tedious and frustrating task.  While attempting to will my top length to speed up it's growth, the sides and back were looking shaggy.  Overall I was beginning to look more and more tragically broke emo, and less sassy urban chic.  Hence while awake too long, and totally unsupervised I whipped out those clippers and undercut this shaggy bob I'm rocking while my hair decides if it'll grow or just remain in this tragically hip state of mind. 

The Mercury Has Dropped

So why the fuck am I still so hot under the collar?  I know I'm tired, but damn if I ain't acting hangry to the 10th power.  I can't even claim I'm pmsing.  I dare say I need a new outlook.  Or maybe just a swift kick in the ass.

Set It All On Fire

It was a dark and stormy night..... Not really. It was dark, cool, slightly muggy but overall it was just fucking boring. Thankfully even though my cell wasn't up and running like the charmer that it is; I was gracefully alone at another station. I loathe having to work with many of the self absorbed bitches that litter the plant like cat crap in the sand box. 5 minutes with little miss mail order and I have to remind myself that getting fired for violence in the workplace is a bad thing.

Asking for a friend...

I cannot tell you how many times I read a post with the "asking for a friend" byline.  It more often than not involves asking for something cheap or free.  This is doubly so when it comes to find a pet.  No one wants to pay for a pet and everyone seems to want a puppy or kitten...

Does no one ever take into account that a pet is a life long commitment?  Do they also neglect to face the reality that training a new pup is endless hours of training and sleepless nights?  There is so much to consider when bringing a pet into the family well beyond the , "we need food and bowls.."

 1- Elderly people with puppies is a BAD idea. You know the same kind of reasoning behind you only having your young kids *visit* with grandma and grandpa because your very active kids tire the grandparents out! Well what the hell do you think a puppy will do?🤷🏽‍♀️

 2- Elderly dogs rock! They tend to be low maintenance, most know the whole poop and pee outside but hey accidents happen (right grandpa???) everyone deserves dignity and a soft place to lay they’re very much loved head.

 3- if you’re old as fuck with a young dog/puppy what happens to the dog when you can’t walk, or worse get put into a home because your family can’t take care of you? Ok and yeah what if you die? Seriously your family is going to put you in a home... or they don’t have time to walk, feed, clothe, bathe, or take you out to your appointments so why do you think they’d do it for your dog?

 Be realistic. Get a fish

What I Wore: Sweat Soaked Edition

Bandana, red lipstick, Big Dog tank, yoga pants, and 30 Lbs of sweat. Charming...

With the temperatures reaching record highs, the plant has been like a vortex to a hell dimension.  Somewhere along the levels of 7.  No air, no reprieve, no help in sight.  We have been pounding back watermelon like an asthmatic craves air and have raced for our spray bottles like thirsty men for water.  Between hanging hot parts and emptying racks of newly dipped parts hot parts, we were itchy, bitchy, and ready to fall down flat.  Domina looked at though she was ready to blow a rather large hole in any wall possible should it bring forth a breeze, and I was ready to just grab ever fan and circle us like salt for protection.

Our new supervisor wasn't in which was a blessing.  While he claims to be "A keeper of the rules" he hasn't an ounce of compassion or common sense.  From everything that I have seen, he's less about human rights and far more about cutting costs by any means necessary.   

Karmic Retribution

I have a dark sense of humor.  I am also a tad twisted in my sense of cosmic karma.  I can laugh and accept that there are days where the karma minivan is sitting in my driveway and every single passenger is in there flipping me the bird.  It doesn't actually upset me, I am fully aware that I like so many others; from time to time deserve it.  So being the snarky sassy-pants witchy woman I am, I couldn't help but point out to the horrifically bile filled racist old woman next door that karma had visited her.  She wasn't quite understanding, so I ever so helpfully pointed out that because she was such shit all her life her asshole had rotted out.  She growled at me under her breath and went back inside to change her colostomy bag. 

Yes.  I can be a relentless bitch.  But I am an honest bitch.

What about the red heads?

So what type of bonus' are we talking about?

Reality Bytes

A good morning to all!  Except maybe for those that opted for the "hold my beer" moments yesterday.  Your dulcet tones of emptying your stomach's contents while attempting to brush your teeth is karmas way of saying "I told you so." 

Maybe as the sun comes back out to grace us with his glorious presence you should stick with water today.  I won't hold my breath.  After all you are full grown capable adults, full to the brim with those "making good choices" abilities. 

Hark, I doth hear the fair Juliette now...  she spe yaks aks

Adulting The Adults

Taking care of children they say, "can be the most difficult and rewarding experience you'll ever face."  I know this to be true as a parent, however they are only half right.  It can indeed be difficult, and yes it is rewarding!  Nothing is more rewarding than seeing one of your children succeed in the lessons you've taught them and in turn put said lesson into practice.  However, parenting children is by far, to my mind, easier than having to adult over other adults.

Adulting other adults, especially when those grown rascals have decided to engage "difficulty mode: to level 9" surpasses challenging.  Not only does it surpass it, but it then delves headlong into a battle of wits and moves so sly if you were any better they'd slap a tail on you and call you foxy!  Adulting inebriated adults, well that comes with a range of emotions and skill levels.  Humourous, annoying, tiresome, vexing, confounding, and down right fucked up.  Being the voice of reason in these situations, when you appear to be the only one with your wits about you, takes courage, nerves of steel, and a firm grip on your own sanity.  It will all be tested.

Add fire, bright ideas, and stubbornness....

Well now you're just going to need rope.  Whether you opt to use it on them, or yourself; that is an answer only you can decide.  Just remember, you are not alone.  Emergency rooms across the globe are filled with the morons we love; even tenuously in these moments with those adults who chose to utter, "hold my beer."  You can spot them quite easily; they are the adults with at least one other adult sitting next to them with a mixture of resting bitch face and a concerned look laced with murderous intent. 

Clapback

Just because we are grown doesn't always mean being an adult.  Living next door to my husbands ex comes with it's own set of challenges.  98% of the time we do amazingly well.  We smile, nod, engage in small talk and are generally personable to one another.  It isn't perfect, but at the end of the day we each simply live our own lives and are all the better for it.

From time to time we have to chuckle and shake our heads, as Pirates ex "80's Hair"; get's into one of her moods where she enjoys taking as many jabs at me as she can.  Be it her relationship advice on how to best take care of my husband, or her racist views on mixed couples.  Typically I sit and smile back twice as bright.  What better revenge is there than a life well lived.  Happy, smiling, and self assured.  Then there are the moments, brief as they are where I find my inner Queen rising up to the surface and with a Z-snap delivering a clapback that shuts the woman up for a while.

It has always been and will be my advice to all, just keep smiling and live you truth.  Embrace your best life and go forward without a care as to what someone else has to say about it.  It is after all the most well adjusted and mature thing to do.  For the truth is when we are in full control of our own emotions, other have no actual control over us.  There are however those times, and I will also advise to make them count as they should be rare; when you need to bite a back in such a manner that the next time they even think about fucking with you, they sting just from the memory of your initial bite.

I cannot tell you that I am proud of my clapback.  Nor can I tell you that I feel guilty about it.  Come for me, no problem.  Come for any of my children with racist remarks and all bets are off.  I will at that point be a callous, cruel bitch aiming right where I know the most damage will be done.  I will also not just be catty, I will go for the low blow that involves a portion of your truth that you hide from.  See sitting and listening carefully brings forth many advantage points.  Facts and knowledge are always key.

So when 80's Hair after many racial insults, quiet and low key as they were, decided to reach out again and attempt to push that button, I grabbed hold of her ugliest truth and went to town.  With her vast experience in "healthy relationships" I point blank said, "by all means share with me your knowledge.  You've had a three or four husbands who apparently beat you by your own claims and gained amazing sexual confidence and knowledge from your relationships with your father and brother.  So please share with me what you know about happy, healthy, solid relationship skills."

She hasn't spoken to me since.

Happy Anniversary-ish?

We did it! We made it. We're here.

I cannot recall for the life of me, anyone ever having a serious discussion about what marriage is like.  Of course there were the old hens nattering here and there about their husbands, but nary a one ever sat with me to say; "there will be good times, bad times, and times of sheer hell."  Then again marriage was never actually on my bucket list.  Nor were children for that matter.  Funny how things change.  We've each been married before, we both brought adult children into the mix, plus a bit of baggage here and there.  Now here we stand.  Still smiling, still laughing, still finding out new things, and still very much in love.  We haven't had the fairy tale romance I dreamt of as a little girl, nor have we had the Hollywood love affair I fantasized about as an adolescent. But you know what? I'm grateful for that.

What we have is real.  Even without all those papers, even without a start white gown, you and I have a real marriage.  It hasn't been perfect, and it hasn't been easy and, honestly, it hasn't always been pleasant.  But, still, I'm grateful.  Because life isn't perfect, and life isn't easy, and life isn't always pleasant.  And you and I?  We've built a life together.  A life we will continue to build upon, because our foundation isn't set upon falsehoods. 

Through ex's, sickness, family, vacations, deaths, health scares and literally every other high and low (and up and down) that one can go through...you've been there with me.  You've been my rock. You've been my anchor.  You've been my person.  Just as those vows say, you've been there for me in good times and in bad.  In sickness and in health.  You haven't left my side.

Marriage is hard, but also beautiful.  Marriage is hard because life is hard, but that doesn't make either any less beautiful. So here's my pledge to you: I'm going to stop concentrating on the hard, and I'm going to start concentrating on the beautiful.

I'm not going to worry so much about the pile of bills on the counter, the fridge that's more freezer than fridge, instead, I'm going to concentrate on the here and the now and the blessings.  Because we have so many blessings.  I'm going to concentrate on remembering to slow down and take time to quite literally smell the roses.  With any luck this summer it will be the roses we plant together.  I'm going to remember that life is short, and that tomorrow isn't guaranteed.

Chores can wait. Life won't.

Bitchy Betty Crocker

Good gods I need sleep. 

I spent all night baking and wandering between rooms.  Insomnia and trying to get rid of the gross feeling from being in a house filled with the aromas of decarbing cannabis.  I'm happy to have it all done now.  I like being able to make the edibles for my loved ones but it takes it toll to be sure of.  I'm pretty sure that out of the 2 and a half pounds of butter I made that I'll yield at least 2 and a quarter at least.  Cookies galore, so everyone will sleep better.

In the next few hours my fermented rice should be ready.  Let's see if the results are as good as last time.

Skinny Peanut Butter and Banana Muffins

2 bananas

1 cup peanut butter

2 tbsp honey

2 tbsp vanilla

1 tsp baking powder

Chocolate chips

toss all ingredients into the blender, except chocolate chips.  Blend.  Pour into muffin tin and top with chocolate chips.  I used 6 chips per muffin.  Bake at 400 for 8 mins.  (baking times will vary depending on altitude and ovens.)

DYI Dolly (With smaller boobs)

Cannabutter day.  I began decarboxylating the cannabis, I use a low and slow method, seems to work well for me.  Then the crockpot butter after 30 minutes rest time for the now decarbed herb.  I do 1 oz to 2.5 lbs of butter and 1 cup water.  There are as many ways to make it as there are people, so find what works for you.

**Caveat**  I do not eat, smoke, use cabbabis.  I make the edibles for those I love.  I cannot tell you what it tastes like, I can tell you that it all stinks.  I wear a mask and pray for it to all be over as soon as I start.  Yeah I'm an enigma.

So after that fun it was time to puke them do something for myself.  Fermented rice water was the goal.  It was accomplished.

Fermented Rice Water

1 cup rice washed

1 large mason jar (use what you have on hand.  Just make sure it seals)

strainer

water

essential oil (I use peppermint as it has its own benefits)
***Caveat***
If you have a mold allergy BE VERY CAREFUL

Place washed rice into jar, add whatever essential oil you prefer (or none)

top with water, seal jar or container and place on shelf or counter.

I wait 24 to 48 hours, for fermentation to really activate.  The longer you leave it 

the more "Aromatic" it will be.

Because I make mine fairly strong I am able to dilute it a bit with water before using it for my final rinse. I leave it on 30 minutes to overnight depending and then rinse it out of my hair before work.

  Fermented rice water hair rinse, due to its low pH and tons of nutrients, makes an excellent conditioner. It brings shine to your hair and helps to keep it strong and healthy.


Naturally fermented rice water contains a similar form of pitera that offers many of the same benefits. It helps to boost cell regeneration, keeping the skin bright and supple. Sourced correctly, rice waters and bran oils also contain linoleic acids, which are fatty acids that offer anti-inflammatory and moisturizing properties which help to keep skin soft and supple. Rice bran can also be refined and used as a gentle exfoliator. Not only does this sweep away dead skin cells, but the rich vitamins and minerals in the rice bran help to leave the skin brighter, softer, and more supple than many other exfoliating ingredients.

Half Empty

It's been coming for a while now, like too little butter spread over too much bread.  I want to wrap myself in warmth and security.  I simply cannot see that happening at the moment.  There have been times, don't misunderstand; at the moment however it feels as though I have to be the strong one.  The one with her shit together, the voice of reason, care, leadership, authority.  The adult.

I'm so tired.

I barely have enough in me to adult myself.  I. Am. That. Tired.  So how do I hold everyone elses shit together?  Fake it till I make it right?  Not always a possibility, so in those cases my shit just has to be set aside and focused on later.  Can we just stop the world?  I'd like to get off now.

Everyone likes to shout about self care, and I'll be the first to agree its damn important.  Normally I'd say just let the juggling balls drop.  Do the self care, and pick the mess up after.  These balls cannot be dropped, these aren't silly obsessive bullshit things.. These are mandatory, you need these to live balls I'm juggling.

So much to do, so many more miles to go before I can sleep.

DYI Rosewater

For the Homemade Rosewater: 
1: Remove petals from stems and run them under luke-warm water to remove any leftover residue.
2: Add petals to a large pot and top with enough distilled water to just cover (no more or you’ll dilute your rosewater).
3: Over medium-low heat bring the water to a simmer and cover.
4: Let simmer for 20-30 minutes or until petals have lost their color and are a pale pink.
5: Strain the mixture to separate the petals from the water.
6: Discard petals and place water in a glass jar to store.

Rosewater Toner:
1 Tbsp of rose water to 4 Tbsp water for face toner.


Using 7 rose stems makes around 1.5 litres of rosewater. This seems like a lot but it keeps for a long time in the fridge. Just store in a sealed, glass container until ready to use.

Repent it's Lent

The annual midnight Bourbon St. sweep brought the Carnival season to a close.  So ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  Yeah, it's Lent.  Y'all take it easy.  We made it through another one, New Orleans.

I do hope mes ami  that you got plenty to atone for.  Hope you all said a fond farewell to the flesh. 

It's the cycle, Crescent City. And we are startin' it again.

Might I wish a fond see you in my dreams to the Krewe's of Selene, Bacchus, Poseidon, Morpheus, Endymion, Zulu, Krewe du Vieux, of of course REX!


Rest up mon amis, for there are only 355 days until we feast again.

 

Fais Do-do tis Carnival!

Just one more day, one day until Lent.  So let's have it, the merriment before the penance, and the feast before the fast.  I'm gonna keep y'all company all the way down, even if not in person.  Hey, brothers and sisters, y'all know what "carnival" means in Latin?

 Well, this Firefly went to the good schools, so she can tell you all about it.  "Carnival.  Farewell to the flesh. "  That's what it means.

"Farewell to the flesh. "

 When the Catholic Church realised they couldn't rid us of our pagan ways, - They invited... - Jesus.

This explains a lot.

It has been suggested by some scholars that the pagan practice of “weeping for Tammuz” that Ezekiel decried (Ezekiel 8:14) was the actual origin of Lent. Tammuz was a pagan god associated with death and rebirth in nature and the husband of the goddess Ishtar.

Well today is the day, New Orleans.  lt's Mardi Gras. And time is already runnin' out.  When the clock strikes midnight, when good ol' Comus greets Rex, when the police on their horses come to sweep us out of the Quarter, it, mes amis, is histoire.

Lent starts tomorrow, mes amis, and me, l want somethin' tasty to give up.   That's right, it's Mardi Gras. lt's Fat Tuesday, and l am fat.  My belt is broken, my pants are open, my belly is a mountain of love stuffed with oysters.  And y'all know what tomorrow is.  Ash Wednesday.  Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.  And you can keep the silverware, cos tonight l'm eatin' with my hands.

You better hurry before they get here. The men on their horses, sending us out of the streets and into our home to repent for all of our sinnin'.  Hours to go, hours till judgment.  So get drunk, get fatter, and get fucked.

 Yeah, you're right. l said it.  Y'all can trust the Firefly.


Laissez les bons temps rouler!

Face Your Fears

Many of the events and experiences we have in life can leave us feeling broken. We see brokenness on a personal and social level every day, and may ourselves feel fragmented and shattered. It seems unavoidable.

It’s not something we can control; perhaps the most important thing is how we respond to it.

For some of us our response is to build walls, metaphorically and literally, to try and shut out those things which threaten or disturb us. We see this often not only in our own daily lives, but in so many others in social media as well. We create barriers, turn away from one another, turn inwards, and live with fear. Often confronting our own brokenness is too painful, too disturbing, too much to handle, and rather than engaging with our own hurt we either lash out at others or shrink into ourselves.

Facing your fears, and yes they are fears.  Fear of disappointment, fear of shame, fear of hurt, fear of rejection, fear of loneliness, fear of being vulnerable and the list goes on.  However facing those fear is crucial to living a fuller happier life.  It does not always mean that we conquer said fears, some fears will always be there in the background, but they are manageable and we can still move forward. 

It's okay to open up and speak on your fears.  It's okay to speak to your brokenness. 

Soft Taco Friday

Dinner with our family tonight was something I was totally looking forward too.  It's been a rough week and the call to gather and laugh was in deep demand.  I'm worried about my Domina, this loss has been a hard hit for her, I want her to see and know in her heart that we can and will help her through this.

Tonight we laughed and allowed the sorrow we feel at Raven's loss, and all of the losses we've had over this year to fade; if only for a moment o allow a little light to seep in and warm us once more.     

Good bye Sweet Girl

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Until we see you again, Raven, Mako, Missley, Silva, Same, Evander, Muppy...  You are missed daily and loved always.