Waste Time Wisely

Watch Snakes on a Plane, Block Party, Pan's Labyrinth, do your nails, give yourself a pedicure. If you're a little more ambitious you could always organize your g-string drawer. I did that yesterday evening so I’m not going to bother doing it today. Am I the only one here that has at least 30 pairs of underwear? Okay the ladies will understand this… You have to have good and ‘the other’ underwear. You know those ones we only wear on those ‘not so fresh days’. Okay just seeing that typed out makes me laugh. But just so you guys understand, we cannot, I repeat.. We. Cannot. Turn our g-strings inside out, so of course we have to have a few more.

Yeah I'll admit it, I love bad B rated films.

Called In

It was to be my day off but I have to cover for SkyGirl. She deserves the day off with the crazy hours she's been working. She's trying to complete her Reiki Master training and it's taking it's toll on her. She's dedicated and fantastic at what she does, but right now I think it's safe to say that she's a great big ball of chaotic energy. Yeah, I need to ground her.

He Talks to His Cookies

6:23 PM
Pirate's of The Caribbean at World's End was great. 2 hours and 45 minutes of action, laughter, and some decidedly good adult humor. The verdict is in and Jack Sparrow has the largest telescope. It's big and manly, and....Sigh...rugged manly Pirates. Oh unhygienic world never looked so good; well until everyone smiles. Nuugghh.

Earlier...
Yeah, so a few days have gone by since Lord Montague arrived here and we've managed to make him completely nuts. He's got his cookie and he's barking at it like it should answer him. Maybe that shower messed with his poor puppy brain cells. Okay it wasn't so much his shower as it was mine, but he seemed to enjoy it just the same. I being the twit who was so not awake at 'ohmyfuckinggodsitsearly o'clock' hopped into the shower. I happened to forget to close the door in my less than heightened state of awareness and low and behold Lord Montague jumped into the shower with me. I have come to find that a cold wet nose pressed up against the back of your calf when not expecting it can be rather...jarring? It's almost as good as an espresso first thing.

Eyes wide and a quick look over my shoulder confirmed that I had not suddenly started doing drugs and that the dang dog was just so happy to be happy that he came to tell me all about it. So there I am slipping and sliding, while he is slipping and sliding around the damn tub. Conditioner on the tub floor is both a danger to dogs and humans alike. The cats sought refuge anywhere but the bathroom as the shrieking continued. I cannot honestly say f it was myself or the dog, though I will claim in public should this ever get out that it was clearly the dog. Finally throwing a towel over him, I got the situation completely under control… Yeah, right. Still we’re both clean and smelling fabulously like Biolage conditioner. His hair is fantastic and my coat is as shiny as ever, or so the ever so bloody helpful TGB states. Nursing homes that abuse the old is where he and my mother are going you know.

Actually, my hair looks great. I’m having a decent arse day; no really these pants, new ones; are just lifting the old girl up to a point JLO should be green with envy, and I think I’m taking Whimsy to the movies. We’ll have a bit of a girl’s day and go see Pirates and lusty wenches. Yeah so that’s my dream but it’s a good one! I’m kind of surprised and pleased to say that I managed to get Whimsy’s hair combed out after her, uneventful, shower in less than two hours. It’s always a bit of a fuss to do her hair in between relaxing treatments. Her fro is…wild. It has a life all it’s own and has decided to take all it’s frustrations on me. Not her fault. It’s just genetics. I’ve always had curly hair, and her father of course had a fro, if he let his hair grow; so she was never going to get that perfectly straight hair. Thankfully she’s accepted that. For a long while she wanted to have “white girl hair” much to my dismay. When it finally sunk in that I, her mother, a ‘white girl’ didn’t have straight hair, she slowly began to accept that curly hair was okay. Bothersome at times, but okay. She’s asked and I’ve said okay, to trying out the Japanese retexturizing on her hair, but I’ve yet to set aside enough time to complete the lengthy process. It’s not all that difficult, it just has a few steps that have to be followed to the letter and with her hair being as thick as it is, will take a little longer than it would for average curly hair. Okay I’ll probably write more later, but for now it’s time to ‘bounce’ as she claims. There be pirates awaitin’ our arrival! By the gods I love my little nerd.

I'm Such A....

Wuss? So Lord Montague is now the proud owner of a...Doggie car seat. Yeah, I know I'm rather pathetic when it comes to my pets. My kids sucked on the soothers that fell directly onto the floor but the dog gets a car seat. Stop laughing! It's with good reason that he has a car seat. He's cute. Okay that's just one of the really, really, good reasons. But seriously, if you travel with your pet's in your cars or trucks they should be wearing a seat belt. My rottweiler has what is called a seat belt harness, for he's way too big for a doggie seat at 130 pounds. Lord Montague is but 8 pounds so just strapping him in with a harness is a bit more dangerous, plus I fuss. Yeah, there it is I admitted it; My name is Jade and I'm a fuss fart. Once again I say, stop laughing at me! I'm so going to pout.

Long story short. We worked a road side accident. Drunk driver hit a family van and killed the parents. The 5 ear old didn't have a mark on him. Would have survived, except the family dog was in the car and not belted in. Dog became a projectile and snapped the 5 year olds neck. My father, TheGolfingBiker and I had to go and collect the equally dead dog and wrap him up. It was something neither of us wish to see happen again. The big gruff guy went out and bought 8 dog seat belt harnesses and walked along our street handing them out to our friends for their pets. I've never seen him cry like that before. It was a sobering experience. Make sure you all get to where you're going safe and sound. Everyone in the car wear a seat belt. I may not know you but I'd miss you just the same if something happened to you. Please.

Now let's move onto something lighter. I shopped for golf balls. What the hell was I doing shopping for golf balls? I haven't a friggin’ clue. Ever seen two women with absolutely lost looks on their faces when a third woman say's, "hey are these golf balls any good?" Umm they're balls and it says golf on the front of it. That pretty well sums up my knowledge of the golf ball enlightenment. I do however know that when I got TGB, "The Big Berthas" which are clubs, that the sight of them can render a grown man speechless. *Shurggs* They said golf on the sign, and I knew they were clubs for hitting the balls. He deserved a treat and I figured what the hell. He'll appreciate the sentiment. Okay so he was more than just appreciative, but once again, me...golfing? Not so much. My family golf’s, I, well my total golfing experience consisted of being taught by my grandfather. My very patient grandfather whom begged and pleaded with me to put the clubs down and just go back to doing my nails, and ‘supervising’ the others while they gardened. Their was this pained expression that I remember him getting each time I took out hunks of grass the size of small ponies in his lawn. I was 8 or 9. I took up shoe shopping shortly after and got into track and field. I was actually pretty good at shot put, but my event was the 4x4 and 100 meter dash. Plus I had these really cute Nike cleats! Yeah, I know, kinda hopeless huh? But I did dig in the dirt today! I dug out holes and Monty and Van filled them back up….okay so it was more of an exercise of lets see who can dig fastest but I did get dirty. I think I kinda smell too. I know you’re all feeling bad for laughing at me now aren’t you?

And The Fun Never Ends

What do you get when you mix a yorkie and a lhasapoo? You get Lord Montague. He's a bundle of fun that has the energy of a terrier and the adorable nature of a child wanting to please their over indulgent parents. Yeah, by the time TC and the kids get back from the soccer tournament in Virginia he'll be a dog again. A terribly spoiled with attention dog, but a dog nonetheless. We've managed in two days time to have him outdoors trained and eating at proper times. This is of course what TC was hoping for. They love him. I know they do, but they work, go to school and lead busy lives like most people do. He's only a year old so the lengthy time he has to spend alone is hard on him. He's still a puppy, and he's a high energy lapdog all the way.

My rottie, 3 cats, and he get along great! Well if you count the cats beating him up, getting along great then yeah! If they ever think about giving him up, I'm so taking him. I want another dog. Putting my old girl, a 14 year old rottie, down was hard. What can I say, we're animal lovers around here. Cat's, dogs, birds, fish, mice, and a slew of other exotics have made their way in and out of our home over the years. It would probably drive most people crazy, but for us, it's just daily life. Even the gruff GolfingBiker has melted and sits for long periods of time to play with the pup. It's the cutest sight ever.

So here we are busy as ever. It's Friday so the customers are coming in and out like they usually do on Friday's and the dogs and cats are standing by the door greeting them. Greeting them with all the energy of the energizer bunny on speed. It's a sight to behold. The customers are great and each take their time to greet and of course give treats to the furbabies. The pet's should be fat by weekend's end. I'm just claiming they are absorbing our love, but I'll still have to put them on the 'Mark Cole' diet for pets. Counting kibble is always fun. Well more later possible, it's pee time for the pups.

Okay everyone say it with me in that annoyingly cute voice, "Yeah pee time, pee time!" Yep, single is what I am. Surprised are we now?

I'm A Dirty Girl

4:26 PM
That client is, gone. She's also one of the whiniest people on the face of the planet. It has you wanting to rip out her voicebox after only 3 minutes of listening to her speak. Okay that wasn't very nice of me. She probably has these honkin' adenoids that if removed would make her head collapse, so the whiney voice isn't really her fault. See, I can be a complete sweetheart, when I'm not being such a dirty girl that is. So I was thinking about sex. All kinds of it really. Vanilla, chocolate, mocha almond fudge with extra nuts....hrmm, probably hungrier than I thought, still it works. So yeah, I was thinking about sex and then this fire truck went by, and I contemplated the tackiness of waving them on in like some radio tower landing a 747. It was then that it hit me. I completely forget to unload the dishwasher.

Damn.


3:42 PM
Really I shouldn't have to post anything after that title. I should just let you wonder if I'm some sex kitten or simply a woman whom never bathes. Mystery is good for a relationship I hear. You know, them? Yeah they said so. No I don't know 'them' but I'm told there swell! Oh I came to find, that sitting pretty; well your arse falls asleep when you do it properly. Kind of blows, and not in the good $20 dollar hooker kind of way. Speaking of, are $20.00 hookers good? I'm curious is all. Not looking for a career change or anything, cause even sex day in and day out...well yeah it's sounds good, but it's sounding more like "work" and less like a 'fucking great time'. Yep, I’ve got one odd little visual going on now. No; I don’t want to talk about it. Pervs.

Alright, I’m both. Wait that isn’t true either, I bathe. Daily, point in fact. I shave too, use soap and water and other groovy things too. It all started in the shower really. Me and Mr. Loofah were talking quietly and going over a few things. It was great, until I realized he wasn’t buying me dinner, or porn. Life goes on I’m told. Then I managed to get more back yard work done, take two cats to the vet (and no one’s pooped, peed, bitten, vomited, or scratched me! Yeah me.) and make it home with time to spare for more hot and sweaty, gardening. I wore gloves today. Yeah, I had a manicure done yesterday. *G* Kitten has a lovely set of painted claws. (Linkin Park After Dark, is the colour.)

Okay, I’ll bbiab, a client has come in and ‘demands’ my attention. Oh now she’s so going to get it.

Holiday = Work

Victoria day may mean that most businesses are closed but it certainly doesn't mean that we rest. The backyard work is almost complete; well the stone work portion of it that is. Flowers, burning bushes, smoke bushes, blueberry bushes, double french lilacs, and more galore are coming. We have an urban forest in our backyard. It comes with the territory when you run a 'property services' business out of your home. It our place looks like shit why would anyone want to hire us to fix up their property? It's just one of the home run businesses that we have going but it seems that for all my many desires of sitting here and looking pretty, I don't get to do it that often. Today, I got a ton of dirt beneath my well manicured nails. That's right, I got messy. Feel my pain will you?

Awaiting The 11th Hour

...and it is now hour, one. Maybe that's why the day looks so long at the moment. Now if I can just have a stream of clients come in one right after the other I'd be more than pleased. I'd also be pleased if the child sitting outside of my big "fish bowl" office window would refrain from picking his nose and offing me some of the 'good stuff' whilst shouting through the window; "I CAN SEE YOU!" It's most distracting. The child in question's mother went into the church. They do this quite often. Adults into the church, their demonic spawn stay in the parking lot biting the heads off bats and tormenting small animals.

Bless there little hearts.

So yeah, I officially started work 9 whole minutes ago. How's your day shaping up? Would you like a little boogie with your morning coffee, we have extra around here if the demonic child outside my window is to be believed. Mmmm, now I'm hungry. My tapioca is looking really good right now.

This is Les... err...Jade...Nessman signing off. Yep go ahead, keep laughing, I'll tell ya what the boogies taste like later. Blech.

Crazy is as Crazy Teaches

When attempting to teach conflict resolution to minor children, having the principal scream in their faces does little to show appropriate responses.

The last two days are a bit of a blur in truth. I’m maintaining a level and professional decorum and even minding my manners quite well thankyouverymuch! In the past two days I have admittedly wanted to render the principal unconscious while removing her eyebrows with a letter opener but I have remained stoic, calm, cool, and collected. It. Was. Not. Easy. Seriously, being treated as though I am “just one of those single parents whom are completely stupid,” is not something that places great amounts of confidence in the school my child attends. What can I say I’m an odd duck that way. Go figure. My darling daughter screwed up. The funny thing is she knows it and was the one to bring it to my attention. I picked her up at lunch yesterday to have her look me in the eye and say, “I messed up big time mum.” My response was simple. “Okay what happened and how can we make amends and move forward?” There’s no shame in screwing up, it’s what you do after that can make or break you in my eyes.

Long story shortened. Whimsy had her laptop at school. No problem, she uses it for school work. What she forgot was that there was a DVD in the drive and when she booted it up for the first time at recess the DVD went into autoplay. It was a gory rated R movie. Ugh. I back the school and can fully understand their concerns. Saw III is not under any circumstances a movie to show any child without their parent’s approval and certainly not ever in a school setting. As I’ve explained to Whimsy, who is 12 at the moment. What I allow at home, with supervision and open discussion is not what is going to fly in public. We discussed why it was such a big deal for the school and how this could upset a great many parents. She understood and didn't argue that point at all. What she was upset about was that the principal didn’t believe her that it was a mistake and that she did not intentionally allow others to view the beginning clip of the movie. Nor did the principal wish to hear that the second that she realized what movie it was she shut the laptop down. The screaming at her and informing her that she would never be trusted again didn't really sit well either.

I can understand and even appreciate that the principal is greatly concerned that parent would have her head on a platter. It would have made sense for her to call me right away and have me come down so we could work on a resolution. She didn’t. I have not received even one phone call regarding the matter, nor have I even received a letter home. Whimsy informed me and I went in right away only to be told the principal wasn’t able to see me. Okay. I’ll come back, please give her the note I’ve left and cal me for a good time to come in. Lunch time today comes and still no call. I go in to pick up Whimsy only to find she’s been sitting in the office all morning not doing anything, including the days lessons. Why wasn’t I phoned? I genuinely want to help and have this dealt with in a timely and appropriate manner. Why is it each time I’ve attempted to do the right thing I’m shushed, pushed aside, or ignored? It simply doesn’t make sense. I’ve not yelled, threatened, or made myself a nuisance, and quite frankly where my children’s education is concerned I should be involved!

I sent Whimsy home for lunch and waited for the first free moment to speak with the principal. I was polite but no I was not warm and congenial. I’m at the end of my rope and am tired of the piss poor job this principal does. She more concerned with playing with her tongue ring and looking down her nose at anyone who questions her actions, than about communicating with the parents, and did a really poor job of hiding how intimidated she was. Not to mention how out of her damn league she was. I politely reminded her that when you tell a child they can never be trusted again, you remove their chance of redemption and in most cases the child will stop trying. I also reminded her that telling a parent that they believe their child is a liar is certainly not going to help the situation. First; all kids lie. It is that simple. Second; telling the child to stop wasting your time and just confess to everything she is being blamed of because you having to hunt out all of the facts and look at the overall picture is a waste of everyone’s time….

Oh I haven’t the appropriate words. I do have words like shut the fuck up you flaming cunt from hell. But those are just words for here. Between the real adults.

Yep, I’m 33 and I’ve just learned to hate school.

Weird.

Do I have to keep being a grown up?

Stick Me

Early to bed, early to rise...it's made my knees itchy. Side effect? Who knows. Coffee yesterday with TC. He's hanging in there and far less Laconic than normal. Voice raised and the whole bit. Impressive, and yeah kind of hot. Not going there. Coffee was good, the conversation was great, and yeah someone else get's the "emotional blackmail is bad, bad, bad, bad!"

I'm covering for the SkyGal. She's becoming a citizen today. Pretty cool to be honest. I'll have to get her a present. I'm thinking naked, buff, young man wearing nothing but a loin cloth made of maple leafs. The actual leafs not the team, though that gives me an interesting visual. I'm done in an hour and then I'm off to be stuck and stroked. Sure the stroked part is all my idea, but it's a good one. We'll just have to see how SM feels about it once he's done my tattoos. He's cute, Mitch is cuter, although so damn skinny I'd snap the boy like a twig. Shuders.

Hrms

I'd write a ton of stuff for you. No really I would! I'd have this long, kick ass entry that had tons of profound spell checked shit in it and everything. I however can't remember anything outside of "Meet TC at 4:30 PM for coffee, 404 and 7." Everything before and after that is a complete blur. Hey I bet I was abducted by aliens and due to the stress of the kidnapping, in flight movie with Cameron Diaz (barf), and the flax seed deprivation I was put through I blocked it all out.

It's been a rough day.

I got some...

Now you get some. See the system does, at times; work. The Master Card man likes me lots right now, and I think he's pretty okay too. I spoiled Hyacinth today. It was fun. She's awaiting Tuesday's arrival so that she can completely relax and enjoy her 2 hour massage. She drives me crazy most days, I can admit that. There are times I think if I'd just killed her when I first thought about it; well I'd be out by now. Still there are times she's so amazingly kind and loving that it makes it easy to forget the other moments of her less than perfect behavior.

Slept In

Late to work. I'm not even rushing. Not remotely. Pay cheques are late too, why rush? They're always late, we're not his priority. Cheques could easily be a week to two weeks late. I'm typically on-time for work, or at least 10 minutes early. It is the work ethic that I hold myself too. Here. They're lucky I show up at all at times. Seriously, why are our cheques always late? Payday is every other friday. It's pretty easy to count out, hell even I could show them how. Cheques written early and waiting here would be great. It's not like we're all going to head out and try to cash them before the damn date on them. But no. We're not your priority, we're not even an after thought. I had to call 5 times today to get you to even agree to drop the cheques off at work. Nice game of "Who's in control." I want to play a new game. I want to be armed and we can play "who's your daddy now bitch?"

Side note: When your bored go to the county jail and chat up the street walkers and cross dressing ladies with 5 o'clock shadow. It's a good way to kill time and you learn a ton of cool things. Some of them are even legal.

Must. Move. Faster

The clock is taunting me with whispers of freezing and holding me hostage for eternity. Fine! Clocks can't whisper, but it just sounds so weird telling you that the clock is speaking to me really fast and in German. I am oddly excited this evening. Nothing new, nothing different, nothing that would deem today be any more special than yesterday or even last week; and yet here I am excited just the same. TMQ is coming home tonight, for the weekend. He's visiting more and more it seems. I don't mind. In fact I love it. It still doesn't count for all of this nervous/excited energy that's built up in and around me and wanting to get out with the force of a tornado.

I need to get laid don't I? Good grief.

I Wait

10:57 AM

I’m not sure what I’m waiting for but I’m a betting gal, so yeah it’ll be fantastic. TheGolfingBiker is taking his snooty private lessons today and was all aglow. Yeah he’s such a friggin’ girl sometimes. No of course I’d never say that to his face, while he were awake. Still I’m glad to see he’s doing something for himself. The OldHens are all arriving in successions today as is their weekly thing to do. Blue hair and denture cream is my life on Thursdays and Fridays. They’re all insane and by the goods it’s more fun than I can describe. Inside the house or outside of the house my life is a sweet ride. More latter Hyacinth is hovering due to the fact I’ve separated her from her friends on Pogo!

5 Free Minutes

I'm not sure that there is such a thing but at the moment I've managed to commandeer a chair and the computer without the aid of a pet, child, or crazy older person asking me questions, or needed my aid for a moment! This weekend has been a whirl wind of do, fix, wash, and ohmyfuckinggods the cats in heat. I've found drinking and sunbathing helps, yet I may not be the one to offer advice in this area. Or at least that's what the men in the white coats are telling me, what do they know? Really, put a plaque on the wall and they think they're 'all knowing' and helpful. So Mainecoon is in heat, and my; what a lovely trill she has, at 3, 4, 5, 6... Yeah you get the picture. Mr. FuzzyNutz has figured out that this could be his lucky day... Okay not so much since I am armed with a locked room to host current HussyGirl and a supersoaker when he 'thinks' he's getting brave. The dog, well he wants nothing to do with any of them at the moment and has sought refuge on the roof. Okay so it's not really the roof but it could be if you tilt your head to the side and squint really hard after staring at the sun for 10 minutes. Yep that’s about how well my day is shaping up, who’s coming over for brunch?

Low Cal Breakfast?

Probably not, but it was healthy and it really is low calorie when the dog shares half of it with me! Orange juice, 1, 50 cal cup of peach yoghurt, frozen mangos all blended into a refreshing drink. Enjoyed on the front deck at 9am where the temperatures had already hit 75 degrees due to us getting full morning sun there, and lovingly shared with the dog. Yes the view of a 120 lb Rottie and I drinking out of the same glass is probably not helping my single life status, but at least I got a tan and my coat is so shiny! I’ll be taking the dewormer later…. *shrugs* Incidentally if you’re going to have a banana split, share that with the dog too and you’ll really reduce your calorie count. Please just make sure that there isn’t any chocolate on it or in the ice-cream as it is poison to our lovable furry babies. The afternoon was spent putting on a ton of SPF as I got just a tad too much sun yesterday. Think burnt sienna, and that’s pretty close to the hue I’m glowing at the moment. Yeah, I’m a bloody genius.

Happy Cinco de Mayo

To all of you still in bed... Fuck Ya'll!

Of course I don't mean that in a 'bad' way. Four AM comes early when sleep comes around Two AM. Not sure why I'm having such a hell of a time sleeping but I'm betting that it's nothing heavy medication, a team of doctors, and enough booze that even those Olsen twins look good; can't fix. It gave me some added time to go through a few posts and fix the spelling errors, and create entirely new ones. I'm gifted like that. I would prefer if I was gifted with a client or two this morning but as of yet...de nada.

The owner's called twice to see if there's anything that needs to be taken care of, which translates to, "I'm checking up on you." It's pretty obvious too, sad really. She's here, or twice a month, for about 30 minutes each time and she thinks I might just skip off? Yes and then who would open, close, run..YOUR BUSINESS! Sorry had to vent for a mo' $10.00/hr really doesn't cover the various bullshit I deal with from the owner, but I like my clients. They are worth it, and yeah so is the manager. She's just really good people you know? The kind that actually holds herself to a higher standard and fights the owners right along side me in demanding that they be ethical!

It's not like the information from the first call to the latest call has changed. Not unless she's gone ahead and paid the deposit for the signs (so they can start working on them), or gotten someone to fix the broken machine, or paid the late notice on the a/c unit. You know simple things really. I love my manager, and I love my clients, they are the only reason I've not gone to the hospital and taken that job. Bah, enough griping, we need some music and some laughter.

Beauty, Parenting, Work, and Something else...I forget

He is beyond beautiful. I haven't a clue as to who he is, or what his quirks are but he is nonetheless beautiful. Deep ebony skin, an orange shirt that should require sunglasses to be sold with it, green work pants and a black and white scarf around his neck; all completely soaked down with sweat as he lugged his heavy equipment, and backpack up the street with most dazzling smile upon his face. A smile that spoke of determination, pride, and something unnameable. It actually made my heart clench in my chest and the urge to stop the car and just say hello to him was almost overwhelming. Of course most wouldn't agree with my term of beauty, but to me he certainly is. To see another human being toil away and do something that is at best difficult and yet have "that" smile still dancing along their lips making everything around them that much brighter is something to behold. I would never tire of a smile like that directed at me. One could only be so lucky.

Whimsy found him just as interesting. She had that deep thought face, when I turned to look at her. Then just a quickly as it came it went away and a look of surprise danced across it and was complete with peels of laughter and pointing. It seems in my moment of awe someone on the other side passed me and as per my daughter's words, "He was checking you out!" I think I dropped her once too often as a child. She's off and being little miss social butterfly at the moment and doing her level best to pay me back for every ounce of worry I brought upon my mothers with my 'social networking' way back when. She, like I, has a difficult time standing completely still on days like this. The sun is just too perfect, and the wind is just too right, and the laughter is just tooo easily found to sand still and let it pass you by. Why would you want to?

At the moment "Lovestoned" is bouncing off the walls and dancing around my energy lending to the desire to dance until I drop once again. Music, dancing, music, music, and more music runs through my veins at the rate of light speed and I for one am not looking for any type of cure. I must write, I must dance, and I must always have music. Even in my sleep there must be music. Anything less would be unthinkable.

Dance With Me.

Ahhhh Yessss

What an amazing day! The sun is out, the clouds are floating by in pretty shapes, there all fluffy and white and just screaming out, "come out side and see us." I mean sure they scream it in PigLatin and it's with this really outlandish accent but it's still pretty cool. I've done my pedicure, my nails look fab, I kicked a man in the stones, and my gods I think I've caught a bit of a tan. What a fun day! The music is wayyyy up! I shall be deaf by tomorrow but I'll still be smiling. I even have some of my older clients grooving to Usher, Nelly and Timbaland. It does give me just a little happy to see 80 year old women grinning and shakin' their groove thang to songs like Maneater, Yeah, and Promiscuous. Can you even begin to imagine how much fun this is? I swear Old Lady B almost threw out her hip trying some 'pop'n'lock' move that really shouldn't be done outside of a night club, or a bed; and Ms. MacFly was trying to do the robot! Sure it came off more like spasm's and a requirement for 911, but they were really giving it a good effort. My clients are completely insane, you will never be able to imagine how damn much fun that is!

You Don’t Say

Soon to be ex called. He wanted to chit chat,
shoot the breeze, unload about how hard things
are for he and his girlfriend.

Huh

Imagine that.

I offered good advice, and listened to it all
with a smile. Overall, it wasn’t as hard as
you would imagine. Sure it was weird. How
many people sit back and give advice to their
husbands in regards to their girlfriends?
Probably more than we’d think. Shrugs. I hope
it works out for them. Me, I'm really starting
to like being single. Okay I'll admit that
there was a moment or two, when the call came
through that I did ponder just how many kittens
I'd have to save to balance out my karma should
I tell him to suck wax fruit. You know if I
grew a penis and some chest hair, I could at
least date a gay man who'd dress me well and
keep me away from harsh lighting.

Quickie

My internet at home is blowing like a Hooters girl on a Saturday night. There's something interfering with my wireless connection. I think it might be the implant the aliens placed in my mother, but that’s just one of those wild guesses. It might be something weird too.